I came up with a more accurate version:
"Hey kids, I know your mother is a kike (I call her a racial slur, just to let you know) but I'm also an American. That means I'm from one of the only developed countries on Earth where it's still common to cut off part of your dick (the others are Israel and South Korea), whereas beyond this it's mostly found in African and Muslim countries, and if it wasn't done to me I'd more than likely regard it as some fucked up nigger/sand nigger ritual (that's because it is, and what it's mostly been throughout all the time it's existed.) This happened to me because Americans are retarded slaves who worship an ethnic cult of inbred pedophiles who hate us and see as cattle, but I couldn't miss out on you not getting to The Chosen People's version of heaven. I didn't want to let some crazy internet people influence me into thinking cutting off part of your penis at birth for no immediate medical reason is weird, so I gave you all dicks with permanent scars (all circumcisions leave them but since I'm a typical pigfuck American retard, I wouldn't know this), a dried out, desensitized head, and more, all of which can be easily verified by basic visual evidence, of which there's endless online. Also I think your penis would look cooler anyway. I want my kids to have penises that look cool. Aren't trannies fucked up by the way?
Also I didn't want you get bullied in locker rooms because we all know boys still always take off all their clothes at gym all the time and this isn't some retarded boomer-tier excuse. Even though I know there's way less circumcised people in America now. Also regenerative medicine, within your lifetimes, will advance to the point it makes it indisputable how damaging circumcision is and atleast one of you might have hair growing up most of your penis (sometimes circumcision can take off too skin and bring up hair-bearing tissue, resulting in what's called "hairy shaft", which usually doesn't show up until puberty or the mid teens, but again, I'm an American, I can't fathom there's anything wrong with cutting off part of a newborn's dick) and realize what a disgusting, illiterate retard I am. But anyway I'm gonna go fuck my kike wife, because we all know how much sand niggers love mutilated cocks."
