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Sexuality Drama Maya Vivian Strange/Vivian Strong/Vivian Zelda Strong/Dorian Strong/Dorian Zelda Strong/Voltairine de Guerre - rapey tranarchist with Palestine Derangement Syndrome

Sexuality related drama
Subtitle
"While I am beautiful, brilliant and even entertaining now and then... it's kinda weird I've gone over 4 hours without talking at length about Palestine." - Vivian Strange
I, gender fascist lolcow farmer, am asking Vivian to please NOT leak the DMs - "You can avoid hell by not believing in it, but you can't avoid jail by not believing in it" (Marilyn Manson)

I know this goes against my own interests as a lolcow farmer, but I have to do what's ethical. Everyone knows that whenever there's too much milk, the milk is just spilled which is just a massive waste of resources all around. A tsumani of milk is of no use. The Didl Drip has to be gradual.

Can you imagine having to read 1000ds of pages of Vivian being a lovesick lil' troony during the Lockdowns, just aching with desire and unrequited limerent love, trying to flirt awkwardly and increasingly obnoxiously with Lola having to tell him off over and over? I don't know if Vivian has convinced himself that these DMs will finally prove what a committed, loving and supporting friend he was to Lola, how he gave Lola all the space and support she needed to break the chains of monogamy and become the freebian Vivian knows she is deep inside, how Lola's bed was broad and wide and fitting many more than just Lola, Tali and Vivian, but seriously now.

As for Vivian's DMs with his fellow troons, you know that's gonna be "transition progress pics" galore. What do troons even say to one another in DMs, other than constantly sending each other pictures of their moobs? Isn't leaking this stuff, you know, literally actionable revenge porn? Jane Brown obviously knows exactly what's in those DMs to come out and warn Vivian that he is on the verge of breaking the law by threatening to leak them.

Regardless of what's Vivian intent is with leaking these DMs - which at the moment seems to be simply revenge and will get him into serious legal trouble if there's a revenge porn angle to it - the fact is that people will read into these DMs whatever they want. I, as a gender fascist, will read into them a troon grooming younger Youtubers into relenting to his advances. Troons will read a sad love story of sexual repression. Gooners and trannie chasers will just look for the lewds. Drama chasers will look for the whole phat milk. KiwiFarmers will back those .zips up in triple-fold, ensuring the internet will never forget.

Vivian, please, I beg you, don't do it! I am begging this of you as your most dedicated gender fascist troll. You know I'd love to sink my teeth into those DMs to find all the juicy bits I crosspost and LMAO at here on OnionFarms, but please, I beg you, don't do this to me! I'm sure you're surrounded by trannie chasers and gooners right now goading you to do the opposite, because they all want to get their hands on those lewds of you and your fellow troons with your moobs out, but please Vivian, don't give the people what they want just for the sake of having petty revenge on your friends.

Think of all the Instagram updates from Bisan you'll be missing out on while you're dragged to court over revenge porn claims. Is it really worth it?

Just as you think that everyone is a free sexual being underneath all of their conditioning, I in turn think you're a rational person underneath your degenerate insanity. I am appealing to your rationality right now. Don't do it.
 
Updates: Vivian removes the spooky Instagram threats, but keeps the smoldering bellend pic as his new avatar - Aziel makes You're Reminded As You Fall Asleep public and a free download for Halloween - Lola posts about "the Vivian stuff" on Patreon - More replies from Amanda's Community Tab post - A Bsky thread about Youtubers being rapey - Explaining the source of Vivian's "comfort is not a right" in V for Vendetta's "happiness is a prison"

Vivian Strange has how removed the Instagram shots where he was threatening the victims, telling them they're messing with the wrong trannie and that they will regret it. Vivian did replace his Instagram avatar of the thorny black rose by that picture in the dark of his smoldering bellend melting away from the herpeshepatitismpox.

VivianSmolderingBellendAvatar.jpg



Lola did apparently post "a quick word on the Vivian Strange stuff" for her Patreon followers. I am not a member of her Patreon, but if anyone is, you can unlock and read her statement here:


LolaSebastianTheVivianStrangeStuff.jpg


Aziel has decided to make You're Reminded As You Fall Asleep public on Letterboxd. He also reveals that the people he was talking to in the film were not just one friend or an imaginary friend, but actually a set of different friends he had met online as a teenager:

AzielMakesYRAYFAToThePublic.jpg


Aziel’s review published on Letterboxd:
Depicts the era of my life where I'd constantly talk to a few of my online friends I met from different parts of the internet around the ages of 16-18. Parts of it was shot october 2023 and the last film in my current filmography 🙂

Youtube Link:

MEGA: https://mega.nz/folder/YsYzAQ6C#EniNISRdX1mZ2MgP71KOyQ

Happy spooky month and Halloween week


So if Vivian comes out and claims that this documentary was all about him lending an ear to Aziel, we can now call him out on his bluff.


One of Lola's fans, themselves a victim of SA, left the following comment underneath Amanda's Community Tab post:

MandyCommunityTabReadingLolasTestimony.jpg


Vivian Strange, I hope you're proud of your ability to trigger SA victims like this with your predation. I know you do relish your ability to creep people out.

Someone on Bsky had posted this thread right after the Google Doc was posted. It's not about Vivian himself but about Youtubers in general being rapey and how to prevent this from happening:

YoutubersWhoAreRapeyBskyThread.jpg


Some idiot fan of Vivian showed up and argued that he shouldn't be called out because he only had 6k subs. The actual number of people Vivian managed to abuse with only 6k subs isn't the issue for this person, just the fact that Vivian isn't big enough for a call-out, which is absurd:

YoutubersWhoAreRapeyBskyThread01.jpg


I went and had a look at destroy's Bsky, and this is basically the average Vivian Strange stan right now, just as violent and extremist as Vivian himself has become:

DestroyPowerOverLifeAndDeath.jpg



Edit
: "thatdangdad" did confirm that his thread about rapey Youtubers was prompted by the Vivian Strange allegations in this comment to his own thread: "Vivian Strange recently had a document posted about some abusive behaviour towards former friends and lovers" (except none of these people were "former lovers", though Vivian desperately wanted them to be.)

WhyAreYoutubersRapey.jpg



LucifersFursona, the VIvian Strange fan who is the only subscriber to openly call Vivian out under his Community Tab posts, posted the following under Mandy's CT post:

LucifersfursonaFingCruelAtLeast.jpg



Edit: as an anarchist and human being I am disgusted and furious. “Relationship anarchy” fuck 0ff there is no excuse or justification to touch people or violate their boundaries not only without consent but with the knowledge consent has been denied. She knows enough about anarchy to know that she’s broken core tenets of the praxis with this behavior. Her work inspired me and her radical stance towards 🍉 liberation and documenting was incredibly powerful to me. Thankfully, she’s far from the only source of information about Palestine.

Gaslighting people and trying to break them apart and jailbreak access to their bodies while pretending she supports building horizontal communities. Fucking cruel at least. She had incredible potential as an essayist but I’m not putting up with that behavior at all after being victimized by very similar behavior (unfortunately to a sexually hostile nature as well) in my own life. It changed who I was as a person forever every time it happened. Horrible lessons I wish I had been taught more softly by people who actually cared about me at all. Nothing but support to her survivors. You did nothing wrong and I’m so sorry. Please don’t let her failures to take accountability for her own actions color your opinion of anarchy as a concept— you’re doing it better than her by holding her to communal account anyway.

Original: Her Gaza diaries are too important for her to be pulling this fucking garbage


Vivian's only response to the Google Doc before his closest circle of fans in his private Discord server was to basically tell them, "my way or the highway", which is exactly what you would expect from a wannabe cult-leader like Vivian. Either you uncritically believe the innocence of Dear Leader, or you're excommunicated. Funny how Vivian is reproducing all the toxic aspects of his fundamentalist upbringing despite claiming to be a militant atheist. Old habits die hard, I see.

In another comment under Amanda's CT post Lucifersfursona wrote:

I wish Vivian could have been applying her praxis and then come online, not the other way around it seems like. There is no room in anything she said that resonated for her own actions.

I am very disturbed by this. I wish I knew how she began to justify treating her comrades like she has. Safety and peace for her survivors; and for you too, I hope you are doing well. Be with what community you can, the world of pro-Palestinian anarchy is thankfully bigger than Vivian Strange.


"I wish I knew how she began to justify treating her comrades like she has", he's always been like this, and Lucifersfursona would've known if he paid close attention to what Vivian was actually saying in his social media posts and his videos. Vivian's insistence that Lola should "just" overcome her rape trauma and put up with him wanting to grope her in bed, even if it makes her uncomfortable, is right there in his videos and social media posts.

Vivian began justifying his abuse of his friends the moment he started posting unhinged shit like this, about how people do not have a right to comfort, because "anyone's right to comfort is a complete and total myth."

VivianStrangeRightToComfortIsAMyth.jpg

Which was literally the very same argument that Vivian made in the Sex Scenes video, which was the same argument he made before Jane Brown whenever Jane would try to push back against him:


Comfort is not a right, it is a privilege.

Now look at the date of this video (Aug 20, 2023), then look at the date of Vivian's rant to the mutual (04/22/23). The Sex Scenes video was created after the bed incident with Lola had already happened, so now with the benefit of hindsight we can conclude that this video was the direct result of Vivian seething for months over the fact that Lola refused to sleep in the same bed as him, citing her rape trauma as the main reason for her physical aversion to him. (Not because, you know, Vivian is plainly fugly, gross and off-putting and no one should be sleeping in the same bed as him.)

This idea that people have no right to comfort and having no choice but to put up with Vivian's rapey creepiness is a fundamental core belief of Vivian, one that he has long espoused, despite knowing how plainly nonsensical it actually is.

I wanted to know where this idea originally came from. My gut instinct told me to look for it in V for Vendetta (the comic book, not the movie that Vivian watched that inspired him to doxx the 55k DMs to avenge himself against Lola et al). I now suspect it comes from this sequence, where Evey is let out of her captivity by V. She tells him that she was happy before meeting him ("I wasn't in prison! I was happy! I was hu-happy here until you threw me out."). V tells her that, "Happiness is a prison, Evey. Happiness is the most insidious prison of all.", to which she correctly replies: "That's warped! That's warped and evil and wrong!"
VBecauseILoveYouAndIWantToSetYouFree01.jpg

VHappinessIsAPrison.jpg


In other words, Vivian gets his inhumane sadistic sexual values from a comic book villain imprisoning a woman and breaking her down until she becomes a clone of him. "Happiness is a prison", so "you have no right to comfort". Specifically, you have no right to comfort around Vivian himself, because, can't you see you thankless brat, Vivian the relationship anarchist, the sage of sex, the bedroom philosopher, he only wants to sexually liberate you, if only you'd allow him to, you foolish monogamous woman clinging onto your rape trauma. He'll do it while you're sleeping if he has to, because if his unwanted caresses and kisses can make it into your traumatized subconscious while asleep, then surely you'll be more amenable to his unwanted grabbing, kissing and frisking once awake. (This is literally how warped he is, for those of you that still need to know how he justifies this shit to himself.)

Remember, this isn't Vivian telling some elite: "You are only comfortable because YOU never have to go outside" or anything like that. This is Vivian telling his own best friends: "You have no right to be comfortable around ME, so I need not take your safety/comfort into consideration while interacting with you.".
 
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Vivian Strange has DFE in the GenderWeird Youtube channel, even took down the avatar and banner - "Cancelled"

VivianStrangeGenderWeirdPodcast.jpg


Jane wrote in his testimony that he no longer wants to have his name associated with the GenderWeird podcast or with Vivian Strange:

I caught Vivian in the midst of gaslighting as she wouldn't accept the fact that Elaine and I finally worked out all of our problems (mostly caused by her) and started saying I didn't really want to move to California. It was at this point that I called her out for gaslighting me and I was existentially horrified as our friendship developed as we had the goal of moving there. This was especially troubling as we had a podcast together which I now completely denounce and want my name removed from.


This is what the GenderWeird podcast channel on Youtube looks like right now:

RIPGenderWeirdPodcast.jpg


The Xitter account for the podcast was already DFEd:

GenderWeirdPodcastTwitterAccDFE.jpg


I guess there goes the plan of reviving the GenderWeird podcast with Serafina as the co-host this time.
 
Why I believe the Google Doc testimonies - close reading of Aziel's testimony


Before I go over Aziel's testimony, I'm gonna re-quote specific parts from Jane's testimony, where he brings up Aziel and how Vivian was talking to Jane about Aziel:

In a way I felt like I was being indoctrinated into what could only be described as a cult in its inception stage, which ended up growing to include my girlfriend Elaine and her friend Aziel, both of which are nine years younger.
...
I always felt uncomfortable with how she spoke to Elaine, as she fetishized her for both her youth and her ethnic background, and to Aziel, who she often infantilized, coerced, and disrespected her orientation. She agreed to leave Aziel alone to respect my boundaries only to ask for access to her OnlyFans account shortly after, which made her uncomfortable as well. I couldn't oppose her getting too involved with my friends and girlfriend as doing so would lead to her calling me possessive and controlling.
...
I told her I would not directly address her behavior publicly so long as she does not hurt me or my friends again, but the truth is she traumatized one of my best friends, as seen in her statement below. [NOTE: Below Jane's testimony in the Google Doc is Aziel's.]

So Jane claims that Vivian "infantilized, coerced, and disrespected her orientation" with regards to Aziel, and that Aziel was "traumatized" by Vivian. I will be looking for examples of this in Aziel's testimony.

Before I go over Aziel's testimony, I want to say this: it's EXTREMELY frustrating for those of us who are outside the gender cult to have to read these stories, over and over, about HSTSs getting targeted and groomed online by older AGPs, only for the AGP groomer to be reminded, time and again, that HSTSs really do not like women, or feminized men for that matter. For those us who accept the Blanchardian taxonomy, these narratives a very straight-forward. However, these people who are in the tucute gender cult, they lack the language to explain what is actually happening to them, so the idea that an AGP groomer would fake respect for an HSTSs orientation/gender identity/whatever, only to try and fuck them anyways, this comes as a total shock when it shouldn't. Really, how different is what Vivian Strange did with Aziel, to whatever happened between ContraPoints (AGP) and Theryn Meyer (HSTS) half a decade ago? I was on KF at the time and documented the whole thing together with several others. Only when you accept the Blanchardian taxonomy can you begin to see the same thing happening over and over again like a clockwork. After months of flirting and snogging for the whole world to see, Theryn told Nyk that he couldn't bring himself to be transbians with him, and like Vivian is doing now, Nyk began gaycelling so hard about this rejection, that he got on Instagram and announced he was considering detransitioning because he could see no other way of ever dating anyone again (which was the typical melodramatic hyperbole that narc AGPs excel in, because only a year later Nyk had already hooked up with Uwu Bigears and was attending Baltimore BDSM clubs with her). This is the power of an HSTS rejecting an AGP, an AGP who had convinced himself he wasn't one, and then literally made a video trying to convince millions that the Blanchardian taxonomy is invalid and has no relevance, only to be hit like a ton of bricks to face by its enduring relevance. I am pointing this out for those of you like myself who are reading these testimonies outside of the gender cult. Let's not kid outselves about what's being described here. Now let's look at the testimony. Green comments are my own notes, as usual.

AZIEL JANE VIVIAN

I came to know Vivian through Jane last year, and she seemed really nice at first.

(Timeline indct: "last year", so Aziel was introduced to Vivian by Jane in 2023.)

As time went on, Jane and I started noticing similar patterns in her behavior, pushing our boundaries until it became uncomfortable for the both of us.

(Aziel doesn't elaborate much on the beginning of his online relationship with Vivian, but immediately begins to give examples Vivian's boundary violations.)

For me, it started when we were watching films together on Discord.

(This part of testimony checks out because I've already given several examples in this thread of Vivian maintaining lists on Letterboxd of all the videos he watches or intends to watch with others. Vivian tags those films with specific tags, f.e. "w-aziel-jane-vivian". Vivian thus had a list of videos he had watched with Aziel:

VivianStrangeLetterboxdListWAziel.jpg



Vivian also had a list of videos he intended to watch with Aziel in the future, but I can't find it right now. Maybe he deleted it.)

At the time I had severe dysphoria where I wouldn't show my face to anyone online, even my close friends.

(This part of Aziel's testimony also checks out because he specifically tells the friend he's talking to in his autodocumentary You're Reminded As You Fall Asleep, that he doesn't like showing his face. Because of this, Aziel either films his full body from a distance so that he's part of whatever scenery he's infront of, or he films himself by only partially showing his face, focusing mostly on the lower part of his body. He never films himself with a typical TikTok full-faced portrait shot.)

Doing so caused me mental distress due to gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia. While Jane began helping me grow more comfortable with showing my face, Vivian made me increasingly more uncomfortable with doing so in her presence.

(This is the voyeurism that Jane was referring to in the intro to the Google Doc. Aziel could tell that Vivian was subjecting him to his male gaze.)

Whenever I would call, she would always pressure me to turn on my camera, asking “do I get to see your face?” After turning down her request, she’d passive aggressively turn off her camera, sometimes responding with manipulative phrasing such as, “Fine! You won’t see my pretty face then.”

(I can't even begin to describe how true this part of the testimony sounds to me, even though I have no way of verifying. Having watched dozens of Vivian's Livestreams, I can literally hear his fucking voice saying this inside my head, stroking his ego just as he knows he's being a dick towards someone else over their bashfulness. I feel like a broken record pointing this out again, but Vivian clearly expects every queer to be as aloof and disinhibited as he himself is. Vivian can't stand people being shy, insecure, bashful, self-conscious, careful, reluctant. Everyone has to be an out, loud and proud flaming queer just like he is, but only when he's high/drunk, cos even Vivian knows he doesn't actually have the guts to be like that when he's sober.)

Over time, I started speaking to Jane and Elaine more and I grew more comfortable with showing my face. Vivian openly expressed envy and resentment, even though we weren’t particularly close.

(The typical narc resentment and envy we've seen a million times from Vivian, this time at Aziel feeling more comfortable around others instead of him. We will see this resentment all over again with Vivian's massive rage-boner towards Tali, Lola's SO.)

Frankly her behavior turned me away from getting closer, especially when inquiring about access to my private OnlyFans account.

(This is corroborated by Jane's testimony where he describes Vivian asking Jane to give him Aziel's OF. However, just to play devil's advocate again, I would still like to know why Jane had access to that account but Vivian didn't. If Aziel doesn't like trannies (feminized men) or trannies sexualizing him and wanting to be transbians with due to being an HSTS who only likes men, why did he give Jane access to his account and not Vivian? Not that ANYONE should give Vivian access to their OF ever, but I am just wondering what the reasoning was.)


After a while, I spoke to Jane about potentially moving in with her or Jane moving in with me. We both desperately wanted out of our living situations and decided to plan together.

(Transbian U-haul tendencies, Vivian exploiting these admissions of poor housing situations to argue that none of this would've happened if troons weren't living under evil bad capitalism which makes them reliant on one another to move out of hostile family households, you know the drill by now.)


After Vivian heard about this, she started spam messaging Jane, telling her not to call me, and to call her instead, attempting to persuade Jane to move in with her to Oregon instead of me.

(Recall here, Jane wrote in his testimony that the original plan was for him and Vivian to move out to California:


After she gave up on her dreams of moving to California, she tried coercing me into living with her in Oregon by refusing to take my “no” to mean anything other than “not now,” and growing angered at me for not being more loyal to her. My gut always prevented me from taking her offers as at the end of the day, I didn't trust her at my core. Afterall, we bonded by wanting to get out of these situations, not stay in them. I also felt weird since her girlfriend would be with us and Vivian had previously told me she wanted to move on from her. I caught Vivian in the midst of gaslighting as she wouldn't accept the fact that Elaine and I finally worked out all of our problems (mostly caused by her) and started saying I didn't really want to move to California. It was at this point that I called her out for gaslighting me and I was existentially horrified as our friendship developed as we had the goal of moving there.

This was the moment that Jane wrote he started freaking out because he caught Vivian doing a radical 180 just to keep Aziel away from Jane AND to keep Jane away from Elaine. How on earth Aziel himself ended up with Vivian after this is just incomprehensible to me, but that's troons for you, lacking any semblance of logic.)

Jane eventually found housing with her friend, but I still needed to get out of Florida.

(Jane ends up in California with Elaine, but Aziel is still in Florida. I have to go back and check when Aziel was in California to shoot Jane is OK with Jane and Elaine. According to the pictures posted to Elaine's Xitter, Elaine, Jane and Aziel met in Cali in June 2024 for Elaine's 21st birthday on the 25th:


So Jane is OK was presumably shot around the same time? I wish Aziel would've included these events in his testimony.)

Vivian offered me a place to stay with the expectation we would be leaving their one bedroom apartment and moving into a two bedroom apartment with their neighbor.

(Keep this in mind when Aziel gets to the part in the testimony where he essentially admits that the GoFundMe where Vivian claimed that he and Serafina were on the verge of eviction and homelessness was a scam. I am guess that the neighbor that Aziel refers here is the person that Vivian introduced as "Comrade Jay" during a Livestream. No idea if this LS is still online, as Vivian has privated over a dozen of past Livestreams to cover up the evidence that he claims doesn't exist, but I'll go back later to check.)

Despite Jane and Elaine’s concerns for my wellbeing with Vivian, I took up her offer as I was desperate. Soon after buying the tickets however, I started hearing things about Vivian gaslighting and emotionally manipulating Jane, and then rumors of Vivian having sexually assaulted someone unrelated to us.

("I started hearing things", from whom? If he was in touch with Jane and Elaine, presumably it was them who told Aziel this, so why not just say so. The person Vivian had "sexually assaulted someone unrelated to us" is presumably Lola Sebastian, but if Jane and Elaine were in other circles from Lola, how did they discover these rumours? Presumably there's more cross-pollination amongst these different scenes than is apparent on the outside. One person posts something on a Discord server, 12 people screengrab that, and it starts to spread.)

Vivian informed me about the allegation raised against her but insisted she had no idea who it was in reference to.


(This is corroborated in Amanda's last Livestream where she literally told a similar story of Vivian telling her that someone was spreading "snake in the grass" stories about him without specifying who or what. Vivian presumably told Amanda this to prime her for rejecting those claims when those would get to her eventually, without specifying that it was actually a group of people who had grievances with him, not just one past collaborator.)

I still moved in with Vivian while actively considering my next step, but by this point their plans for relocation fell through despite raising 11,000 dollars on GoFundMe for that very purpose, and they told me their place of residence would still be temporary despite never discussing relocation plans..

(There you go, this Aziel all but admitting that the GoFundMe was a scam. Vivian never had any serious relocation plans, and he certainly wasn't on the verge of eviction anymore because he had just managed to raise $11k with his alarmist lies, only to immediately spend it all. Aziel will give us an idea of how that money was actually spent just shortly.)

I lived with her for less than two months.

(I assume this was last summer. I wasn't online at all for part of the summer and didn't watch any Vivian Livestreams over that period, so I am assuming Aziel was living with Vivian and Serafina from June and July of last summer until sometime in August.)

The first few days staying there were relatively normal, and they were welcoming and sweet. However, their negative patterns of behavior began showing themselves. On the first day, Vivian took a photograph of me and posted it to her Instagram and announced my (temporary) move without asking first. She respectfully took it down once I asked her to, but posting it without warning made me uncomfortable.

(For the record, I did not see this Instagram update because I was offline at the time doing other things, so I personally can't verify this. Vivian was so desperate to show off his new HSTS to whomever will pay attention that he immediately violates Aziel privacy by posting a "hey look who's over" update. I guess he expected Jane and Aziel to see that update and seethe about it?)

A few days later, she rudely started asking Jane really personal questions regarding our private experiences together in California, prying for non-existent sexual details she could use to either justify distrusting my attraction for men rather than women,

(AGP insisting, against all evidence, that HSTSs aren't a real thing, because ContraPoints told him so in a video that Nyk made before he got his own AGP ass dumped by an HSTS.)

or to have dirt on Jane who told her she had no intention of being friends moving forward.

(Here we have another timeline indict: Jane wrote in his testimony that he broke off contact with Vivian in August of 2024, so this means that Aziel was staying with Vivian in August and was with Vivian even after Jane had broken with him. This would certainly explain Vivian's eagerness to share the alleged Instagram picture of Aziel resting on his couch, because of course Vivian would want to brag to Jane and Elaine that he had Aziel all to himself now.)

Jane sent me the screenshots and I was extremely uncomfortable by Vivian’s violation of both of our boundaries.

(I don't know what "the screenshots" is specifically in reference to, I am guessing these are screenshots where Vivian is asking Jane if Jane and Aziel ever had sex, which Aziel and Jane presumably both denied, with Vivian trying to determine if Aziel is "really" an HSTS?)

Vivian then called Jane a liar to me and to her, but I knew the truth.

(Aziel presumably confronted Vivian about the fact that Vivian had been asking Jane is Aziel is an actual HSTS, but Vivian denied it. That's when Aziel knew that Vivian was lying, because Aziel had already seen the screenshots of Vivian trying to determine Aziel's willingness to have sex with other trannie through Jane.)

As the days went on, she invaded my privacy, asking me who I was talking to on the phone and what films I was watching, even when she knew I had privacy issues back when I was living with my parents. This was a large reason I wanted to move out in the first place.

("what films I was watching", this seems like a rather superfluous question given that Aziel logs all his films on Letterboxd, so why didn't Vivian just have a look for himself at Aziel's LB account? Recall also that Aziel, Serafina and Vivian were all living together in their a one-bedroom-apartment in Portland, so if Aziel was watching anything on his own, it wasn't like he could hide it from Vivian living in such close quarters. Unless Vivian actually meant something else with "films", which he might have given what Aziel is going to describe next #WhereTheMoneyWent)

A week or so later, she invited me to a queer club, and I agreed to go with after my shift at work. She only told me on short notice that the queer club was actually a queer sex club, where people would be having sex on full display. I told her that I didn't feel comfortable as I simply thought it was a queer club. Afterwards, she admitted inviting me to a club featuring kinky sex was a bad move, especially for someone who had just moved to the state and was new to queer spaces.

(This is de facto sexual assault BTW, tricking someone into attending a sex club under the false pretenses of it being a regular gay bar. BTW, this is where the $11k from the GoFundMe actually went, folks. Y'all dumbasses who donated to Vivian GFM thinking he was gonna move and avoid homelessness, let it sink in that you actually funded the door fare to the queer sex club so this creep could trick an HSTS into "meeting neovaginas" to manipulate him into changing his sexual orientation. If anyone from the sex club is reading this: get STD tested ASAP. Moral of the story: grasshoppers deserve to starve to death in the snow and you should never give them money.)

At another point, I decided to lay my head down on the couch and rest my eyes for a few minutes. It was just me alone in the living room. As I had my eyes closed, I heard Vivian's footsteps get close to me, and then suddenly stop. I found it a bit strange so I decided to open my eyes and I saw her standing in front of me, with her phone out, and camera aimed at me. A few moments went by and she asked me "Were you asleep?" I ignored and asked, "Did you take a picture of me?" She said something along the lines of "Yeah, but, don't worry. It's just for me." I quickly told her in a serious tone to delete it, and she did, though I suspect this was not the first time she violated my boundaries while I was sleeping. Her demeanor was nervous, as if she were a child caught doing something she shouldn't. She didn't tell me she took a photo of me as soon as I woke up and this made me even more uncomfortable in retrospect.

(Corroborated by Lola who now suspects Vivian was likewise taking pictures of her sleeping, but only after he was done kissing and frisking Lola in her sleep to hypno-induct her into accepting his constant grabbing and frisking of her while awake.)

Vivian is also known to not take my sexuality and gender identity seriously, as she conveniently forgets I am not into women and shows annoyance that I do not always maintain a feminine expression.

(Classic AGP lusting after an HSTS scenario, but again, these gender cult people watched a video from Nyk where he told them #ThisNeverHappens, just as it was happening to Nyk himself with Theryn Meyer.)


She said, "I forgot you're mostly into men" and invited me to trans sex clubs involving mostly trans women.

(Again, #WhereTheMoneyWent You gullible TRA dumbasses practically funded this sexual harassment by giving Vivian money on GFM. BTW, if anyone from those Portland sex clubs is reading this, get STD tested ASAP.)

Her response to me not wanting to go was manipulatively asking if I had a problem with trans women.

(Why, yes, Aziel did have "a problem" with transwomen because he's an HSTS. As an HSTS, Aziel likes men, not women or feminized men. Blanchard-Tucutidiots 1-0)

Likely a last stitch effort to appeal to my tastes, she began emphasizing her gender fluidity and sent me an unsolicited shirtless picture of her with facial hair and I voiced discomfort in response.

(I know Vivian is surrounded by sycophantic chasers right now who desperately want him to mass-doxx the 55k DMs just to get their paws on these selfies of Vivian as a genderfuck with facial hair and his moobs hanging out that he non-consensually sent to Aziel. Which is why I am urging Vivian once again to not play to the crowd. Do not leak those DMs, Vivian. Unless you really want to be known as a revenge pornographer instead of a regular pornographer from this point onward.)

She also kept stealing my things, such as my witch hat she wore on a livestream.

(Not only did Vivian wear the stolen witch hat on his last Livestream, during that Livestream he showed stills from a video review he was working of the movie I Saw The TV Glow by Jane Schonbrun, and in those stills he showed on the screen Vivian was that very same witch hat:

vivianstrangeisawthetvglow01-jpg.71094


vivianstrangeisawthetvglow02-jpg.71093


Again, if these people had actually read the actual literature on AGPs instead of relying on ContraPoints to pull the wool over their eyes with his AGP video, they'd know how incredibly common it is for AGPs to steal clothes from the people they lust after. Lola stated in her testimony that she too noticed stuff missing from her room every time Vivian had slept there. But these people belong to a gender cult that tells them not to look into the literature, so they have no idea what they're getting into with these predatory AGPs.)

I felt sexually coerced by her and didn’t fully recognize it as I am not interested in women and didn’t look out for everything.

(Again, Blanchard-Tucutidiots 1-0 I am not suggesting that Aziel himself is a Tucutidiot, I am suggesting he and other HSTSs are continuously victimized by the Tucute cult's crucading against Blanchard and literally anyone pointing out that AGPs are a real thing and especially those who insist that AGPs are a bad, predatory and destructive Cluster B thing that should be avoided and condemned instead of celebrated and catered to, as we're currently being forced to do by the culture, being forced to become the validators of the most narc of the narcs.)

I realized it was too much for me and I left. Luckily, I have a place to stay with a close friend dear to me.

De Staat - Witch Doctor
 

Refusing to learn and change: Vivian Strange re-posts a three year old video about Homestuck author Andrew Hussie being a "reluctant cult leader" and says: "See? That was about me! I was right all along!" (You're not Andrew Hussie, you will never write something like Homestuck) - Oh, and here's the latest GoFundMe scam! - Using geopolitics as an excuse to continue being an abusive creep: "You, my best friends that I've abused and hurt, you just don't matter before these millions of dead people over there"


Remember him looking all spooky on Instagram threatening a grand reveal, saying "see you 48 hours"?

Vivian just re-posted his first ever Youtube video from 2021 on Homestuck, with some introductory text at the beginning where he's once again e-begging and perpetrating yet another GFM scam:

Homestuck, Psycholonials, and "Reluctant Cult Leaders"​


This video was originally titled "Homestuck, Andrew Hussie, and the Cult of Individualism", but instead of just linking to the original, Vivian re-uploaded it wholesale with the added GoFundMe scam in the intro so he would have to record a separate video.

Here is the e-begging text at the beginning of the video, where he promises to post the DARVO video at some point in the future, claiming he can't do it right now because he's "very sick":

hi strangers.
it's vivivan.
i'm not doing well rn.
don't worry.
i will address the elephant in the room.
soon. but not right now.
right now, I'm very sick.
my wife and i are getting evicted.
so we have more important things
to focus on at this point in time
however, on a whim, I recently rewatched
the first video I uploaded to this channel on Nov 19, 2021.
of course, it was a homestuck video.
turns out that all i want to say to
anyone on youtube right now...
... was already said.
three years ago.
at the beginning.
back when i called myself
"mys. maya"
what maya says in this video is exactly
what i needed to hear
and it's exactly what i think everyone
watching needs to hear right now.
i hope it helps.
oh yeah, re: my family getting evicted
if you want to help us out, please consider
donating to our gofundme
[some scam fraud grift bullshit]

"Right now, I'm very sick", clearly you're not sick enough to be posting your V for Vendetta LARP pics on Instagram the other day, together with that picture of your smoldering bellend.

Vivian's "Strange Days" series was originally called "Deviant Days" in 2021. He also called himself "Mys Maya" (after the late experimental filmmaker Maya Deren, someone Vivian worships despite the fact that he himself has never actually made a single experimental film). I don't know what the reason was for the name change. Maybe Vivian suffers from multiple personality disorder due to his schizophrenia or something. Judging from these early videos, his "Vivian" persona is a little different from "Maya". Maya is more soft-spoken and emotional, whereas "Vivian" is more cranky, combative and angry. We can only guess what Vivian as "Dori" or Vivian as "Zelda" must've been like (read: pretty much the same, he was alienating all his friends back then as well. Vivian just goes from social circle to social circle, leaving a trail of destroyed relationships behind him.)

"I'm willing to be as real with y'all as possible, and not act like a fucking narcissistic cult leader", well, too late for that!


Later in this part of the video Vivian literally bothsides what he calls the "celebrity-worshipper dichotomy", as if there isn't a clear imbalance of power, experience and influence between a seasoned genderfuck who trooned out in 2015 manipulating decade younger babygays into becoming clones of his degenerate self. No, you cannot bothside this, Vivian. These people looked up to you and did what you goaded them into doing, because you explicitly positioned yourself as an ambassador for queerness. You weren't a "reluctant cult leader", you proudly trumpeted your "come to me if you want to learn how to be queer" supposedly superior knowledge and experience in your videos and your socials. You wanted to attract a coterie of babygays like Lola, Elaine, Aziel and Jane around you, whom you could bang and turn into aloof, obnoxious drug-addicted copies of yourself.

In this part he's talking about "unrealistic expectations"... which in this context probably means that expecting Vivian himself to not be rapey towards his best friends is one such an "unrealistic expectation"... well, what can I say... that much is clear now.


What Vivian is trying to do with reposting this three year old Homestuck video is a number of things:

- He's pulling a Marilyn Manson: "It wasn't me you were communicating with but MY ONLINE PERSONA. It wasn't Brian Warner you were talking to, you were talking to Marilyn Manson. You weren't talking to Vivian Zelda Strong, you were talking to Vivian Strange. I didn't say these nasty things to you or about you, I didn't do these nasty boundary violating things to you. My online alter ego did, Vivian Strange did. You are the one at fault for agreeing to have a parasocial cult-of-personality relationship with my online alter ego."

- Comparing himself to Andrew Hussie, the author of a unique work of art loved by many, when Vivian himself has never autored a unique work of art loved by many, and only ever comments on other people's work. Mind you, Vivian refers to himself as an "artist" in this video, when at that point in 2021 no one even knew what the hell Vivian alleged art actually was, IIRC Vivian referred to himself as "a painter" at the beginning of this other early video, but I've never seen any of his alleged paintings either. Since then, we found out that Vivian's only "art" is him constantly bitching and raging about other people's artworks and how murderously envious he is of their successes. Elaine was so right when he wrote in Xitter that "a scam artist is the only kind of artist Vivian will ever be", but Vivian always wanted to convince people otherwise, not by actually doing the work but primarily through coattail riding and fame-by-association. Lola specifically stated in her testimony that she struck up a friendship with Vivian because she had had negative experiences in the past trying to be friends with her fans, and she saw Vivian as a fellow content creator she could befriend and talk to IRL.

- He retroactively devalues his best friends from friends and potential sex partners (as this was always his intent, he always intended to bang all these people), to the lower status of mere "fans" who were way too over the hills for him because they were stanning him too hard. (You guys who posted the Google Doc, you should've disclosed whether it was you who approached Vivian first, or the other way around, because I am willing to bet that in every single one of these cases, it was Vivian who reached out first.)

- Vivian pretends that he never really wanted to manipulate and have control over these people, but he only "reluctantly" adopted the mantle of "cult leader" that these people forced upon him. Vivian could've simply said: "No, I can't help you figure out queerness, you have to figure out on your own" and walked away, but no, these pesky insistent people just had to make him into their cult leader when he really didn't want to.

- "Don't you know the world is on fire?!", once again Vivian is using geopolitics as an excuse to be rapey towards his own friends, to diminish their hurt by making it seem insignificant when held against greater evils. You know what Vivian? You being homeless and dying in the snow doesn't seem that much of a big deal either before millions of people dying "over there". See what how that kind of grotesque callousness works the other way around too?

Here's the thing Vivian: you recorded this video about internet celebrities becoming "reluctant cult leaders" years before your best friends accused you of actually behaving like a wannabe cult leader. You want us in the present to look at one of your past, entirely theorical takes on a topic that you've now experienced IRL, and to conclude that your theoretical take completely matches your present IRL experience. It really doesn't. All you've done is effectively debunked your own hypothesis. All it does is show how wrong you were 3 years ago, to even think that you could pull this off, this "reluctant cult leader" bullshit, and get away with it under the guise of wanting to set up a "rainbow coalition". You neglect the fact that sexual abuse is endemic in these activist communities as well (I hope Lola, Jane, Elaine and Aziel will have a look at this zine, because this was written by their fellow leftists):

The Revolution Starts At Home - Confronting Partner Abuse in Activist Communities

If anything, this 3 year old video shows prior intent on your part to become that cult leader person, not "reluctance". You insist that Andrew Hussie is only a "reluctant cult leader", but then proceed to hide this comment arguing that Andrew Hussie too exploited his position to gain access to "barely legals", one of which he married:

AndrewHussieMarriedABarelyLegal.jpg


To which comment you replied once again weaponizing geopolitics to justify being an abusive creep towards the people you called your best friends:

VivianStrangeUsingGeopoliticsToSFWBeACreepToMyFriends.jpg



It's very clear from the Google Doc testimonies that you relished your ability to push and goad people over the internet to do things that went against their nature. Even if you were fully convinced that Tali and Lola were badly matched for whatever reason, you could've waited for Lola to figure this out on her own. Though I'm pretty sure that if Tali had told you that he's totally OK with you and him part-timing Lola, you'd be out there praising Tali to high heavens for being so open-minded and practical about his relationship.

In this old video you try to "bothside" the issue, saying that worshippers are just as guilty for turning the cult-leader into a powerful figure as the cult leader is for desiring that role. You are conveniently neglecting the fact that the people you manipulated were, in a least 3 cases, years younger than you and were looking up at you because they knew they were nowhere near as experienced as you claim to be (I still have my doubts about that seeing how awkward and cringe you were around Lola IRL). Even Jane looked up at you because he had only recently trooned out whereas you have been trans for 8 years longer than him, so even Jane expected you to be the more experienced person between them. You cannot "bothside" this because in each case you were the older, more experienced person in these people's eyes. The power imbalance was always in your favour.

Now, you might protest that this wasn't the case with Lola because she was the bigger, more succesful Youtuber - neglecting the fact that Lola was sick at the time, and that she specifically points out in her testimony that it was her being at home sick that gave you all this access to her. In Lola's case, you tried to use the fact that she was the bigger, better connected Youtuber to gain access to Nyk. Lola might have not seen this coming at the time, but I looking at this from my vantage point figured this was your plan all along, I posted about just how crazy with Nyk you were at the time here. You even took down the Livestream where you said you were sure that Nyk is "a bottom". (FYI and since you really like TMI - and for the benefit of everyone else hate-lurking along - Nyk does use his penis during sex, he just doesn't like PiV. Kinda surprised Lola never told you this, but I guess she's polite and discreet like that, two words missing from your dictionary. Go watch the Livestreams I posted on KF for years where Nyk himself admits he does, albeit "reluctantly", to use his and your term. You Cluster B narcs really love to lie and say you only do things "reluctantly" when it's obvious to everyone you're doing them intentionally and enthusiastically.). I have to wonder now if you ever really gave a fuck about Lola, or if you merely saw her as someone who could get you laid and connected. Even if you did see Lola as nothing more than an asset that was gonna help you gain access to Nyk, you did not treat your asset very well.

If your verdict of this video 3 years onward is "Yeah, I was right all along, romance sucks, I should continue being a homewrecker trying to break up couples and pit them against each other to make them become disillusioned about their coupledom so they can reach Full Queerdom", then you literally haven't learned anything from your experience of how your entirely theoretical ideas about non-monogamy actually panned out IRL.

This insistence on your part that you were right all along only signals one thing: you are the one who is immature and refusing to grow, learn and change. Your extreme anti-monogamy stance is making you a threat to anyone who is in a couple and all you do is relish being a threat to them. Instead of seeking out other singles like yourself - which I guess is getting harder and harder for you to do, as more of your peers are settling in couples as they get older, even the LGBT ones - you seem to get off on deliberately seeking out couples and breaking them up just to teach them a hard lesson about how delusional they are in their state of romantic bliss. You say that people shouldn't be atomized in couples, but you are the one who is atomizing people by trying to break them up and make them jaded about romance. Just because you can't have any romance of your own, no one else should either. Everyone else should be miserable just because you are.

I know you're from a broken home, so I have to ask whether this sadistic obsession you have with breaking up couples to teach them a lesson about non-monogamy, is actually you attempting to reproduce your parent's separation over and over in others, as a constant reminder that monogamy is doomed to fail - when all you're doing is proving the opposite, that non-monogamy is doomed to fail because no one is as aloof about sex as you insist you are. You've overshared endlessly about your degeneracy but for some reason you've never talked about this on a Livestream ever, only casually mentioning that your parents had you when they were very young and are since separated, so I figured this is a very deep wound in your psyche that you refuse to examine for fear of what it might reveal about your irrational, all-consuming rage towards monogamous couples and romance. Vivian, just because your parents broke up doesn't mean that romance is a lie or that monogamy is always doomed to fail. Just because you cannot make these things work in your own wretched life, doesn't mean they can't work for others. You think you're right but you are wrong and you know it. You see happy couples all around and all you want to do is destroy them, just to feel better about your own lonely misery.

In the mean time, just as you try and fail to deny everyone else their romantic lives, you wallow in imaginary limerent romances in your head with Bisan Owda, someone who would for sure be disgusted with you and the way you treat your closest friends, using your obsession with her as an excuse to neglect your IRL relationships. You know that Bisan has lost a lot of her friends during the war, so she would be the first to tell you how important it is to cherish your friends while they are still around. You on the other hand treat your friends as mere disposable "playthings" (the term Elaine used to describe your treatment of Jane), empty vessels you can just pour your demented ideas into. You cannot weaponize a war in another part of the world that doesn't directly affect you as an excuse to be an asshole towards your actual friends. I know this all would make Bisan reject you and avoid you if she learned this about you, no matter how many times you insist you're her biggest supporter and how you gloating at her suffering for over a year has supposedly changed you for the better. You still don't have your priorities in order.
 
Why I believe the Google Doc testimonies - close reading of Lola's testimony

VivianStrangeTheEndlessMindfuckLola.jpg


I remember from browsing Lola's old Instagram account that she likes Depeche Mode. I heard this DM song again recently, and it immediately brought to mind the part from her testimony where she discovers that Vivian had been trashtalking her to mutuals:


With Lola's testimony we basically have yet another example of Vivian becoming involved with what he knew to be a couple, then trying to triangulate and break them up under the guise of teaching Lola about "relationship anarchy" and "non-monogamy". Even if Lola was interested in these topics, it doesn't mean that she wanted to manifest them in her own life. Besides, even if Lola and Tali did eventually decide to open up their relationship, like Jane and Elaine did, they sure as hell would never do it with a scumbag like Vivian Strange.

Like I said in this other post, I really do think that Vivian's irrational hatred of monogamous couples and his intent on breaking them up whenever he has gained access to a couple, I myself believe that this has absolutely nothing to do with any "queer politics" on his part, and everything to do with the fact that he never processed the fact of his own parents' divorce. Most people don't know that Vivian is from a broken home, because Vivian almost never mentions this (just like Nyk who is also from a broken home but almost never mentions it; it's very telling how these AGPs will TMI overshare about their gross sexlives and mental illness degeneracy, but never say anything about this kind of stuff, which is where all of their real untreated "gender" issues are). I don't know if Vivian ever told Lola about this, but AFAIHS, Vivian will only tell people that he was raised a Christian by an evangelical mother, without mentioning this other, clearly more profound incident in his family life. If Vivian was still under the spell of a fundamentalist morality at the time of the divorce, it's very likely that he, in his youthful naivety, perceived his parents' divorce as not just a disruption of his family life, but as a more profound failure on his parents' part to live the moral life they professed, with them committing a violation of divinely ordained rules. Vivian also revealed during a Livestream just how much he hates his father's new partner, calling her a "bitch" and saying how he "can't bring [himself] to call her [his] step-mom", so there's the added pain of his father moving on to new marriage with a woman that Vivian apparently hates but is now related to by virtue of his father's remarriage (if you were wondering why Vivian likes The Fight Club so much, it isn't just because of the anarchism).
I believe that all of this unprocessed divorce trauma is what actually goes into Vivian's hatred of monogamous couples and intent to break them up. Whenever Vivian sees a monogamous couple, he basically sees his parents on the verge of breaking up all over again, and he wants to hasten the inevitable. To me, it's like Vivian wants to reproduce that original break up that destroyed his family, so he can say: "See? It was meant to fail. It always does. Every one of these couples is meant to fail. And it's because of me.". Could it be that Vivian harbours some repressed subconscious guilt over the divorce, feeling like he somehow caused it? Many kids going through their parent's divorce end up feeling such guilt and blame themselves for whatever their parents decided to do. Whatever it is, I wish Vivian would see a psychiatrist about this, because you can't live your life fighting against a living arrangement that the overwhelming majority of the planet prefers and has built it's cultural and social fabric around. Most people want to be in couples, they want to make coupledom work and you need to respect this choice on the part of the majority of people. It's OK if you don't want to live that life, if you want to go and live in a sex commune with other like-minded non-conformists, but then stay the hell away from those that do want to be in couples. Wanting to home-wreck couples just to prove them wrong is warped, sadistic, fucked up and evil. You cannot possibly justify doing this shit to people with an appeal to "relationship anarchy".
Green comments are mine.

LOLA SEBASTIAN

Vivian and I started talking online around January of 2022.


(Timeline indict: "January of 2022", so Lola and Vivian were already talking to one another before Vivian reached out to Jane.)

At the time, I was a mentally unwell baby gay — only recently out of the closet and in my first serious lesbian relationship — trying to regain control over my life having just been diagnosed with PTSD and OCD. I was and still am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend in Ireland.

(The "girlfriend in Ireland" that Lola refers to is the "Tali" mentioned in that screengrab of Vivian's gaycel rant to the mutual that Lola shared on Bsky. Tali is "Big Geef" from Xitter, Vivian's troon rival in this story, who has been mocking Viv constantly since the Google Doc came out.

When Vivian came out and all of a sudden claimed to have unproven Romani heritage, Big Geef, who is actually Romani, immediately called his bluff:


LolaSebastiansSOIsRomaniWTF.jpg
LolaSebastiansSOCallingOutVivianStrange.jpg


Had to chuckle to myself when I realized that Lola is such a trannie magnet, but regardless of what I think of these arrangements, this means Lola gets to pick and choose the troon she likes best, as nature intended, so Lola chose Big Geef over Vivian. I want to believe almost everyone would pick someone else over Vivian given the choice, but Lola explains in the rest of the testimony how Big Geef treats her very differently from Vivian. Nevertheless Vivian constantly contested Lola and Tali's relationship insisting it wasn't what Lola said it was, even before Lola herself in an attempt at getting Lola to doubt herself.)

I had just moved back home due to my troubled health, and was eager to make friends.

("Back home", I think she means she had moved from Ireland back to Portland.)

I was deeply lonely and isolated at the time.

(Remember, this was still during the Covid Lockdowns.)

Going back through our old messages, it feels painfully obvious that Vivian was making me uncomfortable but trying to win me over.

(Lola, with the benefit of hindsight, understands that Vivian gave her a bad feeling from the very start, but she desperately needed a friend so she hung out with Vivian because he made himself so available to her.)

She acquired a gift for me before we had ever been close or even met in person, which felt odd at the time.

(Typical narc behaviour, they come on strong from the very start, immediately want to shower their subject of desire with gifts, attention, etc.

NOTE: Vivian posted his "The Thin Pink Line" video essay in Mar 16, 2022.

This is the first video where Vivian lays out his ideas about genderweirdness and how being LGBT means rejecting all of society's norms. It's possible that he felt compelled to make this video as part of his "explaining how this queer thing works" to Lola and others.)


As early as April of 2022, she was putting my girlfriend down and trying to flirt with me.

(Timeline indct: January of 2022 - April of 2022 Vivian realizes that there's another troon rival involved, so he tries to wedge himself between Lola and Tali. Unlike with Jane and Elaine, where Vivian wanted to bang them both and they initially agreed to a threesome, Vivian has no interest in Tali, views him exclusively as a rival, and only wants Lola to himself.)

NOTE: Vivian published his "Letter to JK Rowling" video, the one where where he accuses JK Rowling of being a closeted trannie chaser who secretly masturbates to trannie porn on Apr 4, 2022, in other words, around the same time that he was flirting with Lola. Projection much?

VivianStrangeRapeyTowardsJKRowling.jpg


In June of that year, I rejected her: “Hey I’m flattered but in a committed monogamous relationship. my gf and i are not poly. just wanted to state that firmly.” This is the position I would continue to take for the remainder of our friendship. I would not speak to her again until September of that year as I was unnerved.

(Timeline indct: June of 2022 Lola tells Vivian off for the first time. Stops talking to him until September 2022.)

NOTE: As soon as Vivian is rejected the first time by Lola, Vivian's videos immediately become more politicized and negative. He posts "Has Capitalism Actually Failed?" ( Premiered Jul 1, 2022) and doesn't post anything again until his video about Godard's suicide, "Why Jean-Luc Godard Chose to Die" (Sep 19, 2022). In this video Vivian begins sudoku-baiting his audience for the first time, telling them he's often "thinking about suicide". Could be that Lola saw this video where Vivian was sudoko-baiting and this being the reason she was tricked into talking to him again?


In November, I started a Discord server for local YouTubers.

NOTE: Vivian's video about Bo Burnham's Inside comes out on Nov 12, 2022. As soon as he's talking to Lola again, he goes back to making his regular video essays and stops doomposting videos about politics and sudoku.

For a few weeks after that, Vivian and I made plans to hang out, but I canceled due to illness. This frequently happened in 2022 and 2023, as I was indeed struggling with my health. In retrospect, it’s obvious that my vulnerabilities were entry points.

Lola realizes in retrospect that her being sick and having to stay home a lot in 2022 and 2023 was what gave Vivian ample access to her. Lola at home alone sick and bored, there's Vivian in the DMs, might as well keep talking to him.

For my February birthday in 2023, I invited multiple people from the local YouTuber group chat as guests, Vivian being one of them. I had hoped her and I both being creators would make it easier for us to bond, as I had had a few disturbing incidents with “fans.” I wanted friends who would understand where I was coming from. At my birthday party, Vivian was charming and brought thoughtful gifts. I began to relax and feel like I had found a reliable friend. I chalked my early caution up to my PTSD.

This part of the testimony checks out based on the screengrabs I made of Lola's Instagram pictures with Vivian before she purged that account. Here is the Instagram post from the above birthday part in 2023:

LolaSebastianBirthday2023.jpg


Over the next few months, Vivian and I became good friends — watching films together, working on videos together including one on the Marquis de Sade, even going on a Twilight-themed road trip together for my Bones and All video.

(All these videos are still public, all of this checks out. I posted the Instagram pictures from the roadtrip here in the thread.)

It felt great to have a friend to talk to about transgressive literature and cinema, even if we found ourselves disagreeing on ethics — I wish I had taken this fact into deeper consideration.

(I wish Lola would elaborate more on what these ethical disputes were, but we can pretty much guess that it was about Vivian's obnoxiousness and him expecting everyone to be as disinhibited and aloof about sex as he pretends to be, in the name of being a radical non-conformist queer.)

We also began to volunteer at a local theater company together, and discuss moving to California together to pursue our film industry dreams.

(This is corroborated by Jane's testimony, where he writes that he was misled by Vivian into assuming that Vivian really was going to move to LA with Lola. Jane took this to mean that Vivian was working on improving his life, that he actually meant to move away from Portland and from the boyfriend he claimed he claimed he no longer loved, which was Serafina, the same person he now calls his "wife", claiming he always called him this way. However, Jane quickly realized that Vivian wasn't seriously working on moving to LA with Lola. It was just something that Vivian held before Jane as a carrot to make it seem like he was seriously pursuing a film career, when Vivian has never seriously pursued a film career. Vivian openly admitted on his Facebook account that he just keeps writing screenplays that almost no one will ever read and that will never be made into actual films because of how radical his transgressive cinematic vision supposedly is. (He was saying this just as The People's Joker was being made.)

Many of my dearest friends live in Los Angeles, so I felt like it would be a safe place for me to move, a place with some kind of safety net for my disabilities.

(Lola already knows a lot of Gays in LA - which BTW is also where Nyk claimed his circle of friends was - so if Vivian had been serious about moving to LA with Lola, they would've both been supported by Lola's LA circle of Gays, and he might have actually gotten to meet Nyk in time. Vivian squandered all this just to be rapey, because that was so much more important to him than getting his screenplays before the people that can actually make them into films. Y'all know what Vivian's priorities are now.)

Vivian confessed that she had had a crush on me early on in our friendship, a crush which had passed. I was okay with that fact as long as she respected my boundaries.

(And I bet he told Lola all the other bullshit about being ace and aro too. Vivian obviously lied about his crush being over so Lola would continue giving him access to her life, just like he lies about being aromantic while having limerent love affairs with Bisan Owda in his head, just like he lies about being ace while attending all of these queer sex clubs in Portland. Basically, with everything Vivian claims, you have to assume the opposite.)

In April of 2023, conflict arose when she repeatedly flirted with me after I expressed discomfort. I once again asserted that, while I appreciated our friendship, I did not want anything more than that. She responded by admitting that while she had feelings for me, she wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship with anyone, nor did she have anything “to gain from [me] being [her] girlfriend (cause honestly wtf does that even MEAN??)” — even though she admitted she did have feelings for me.

(I literally had to read this quote over and over because I did not understand what it meant:

nor did she have anything “to gain from [me] being [her] girlfriend (cause honestly wtf does that even MEAN??)”

I think this a typical example of Vivian doing that doublespeak thing he does, where he claims he really doesn't want to do something when it's obvious he totally wants to do it. Like in that rant to the mutual, where he wrote that he doesn't need to sleep in the same bed with Lola, when it's very obvious that's all he wanted and was gaycelling about. Or Vivian quoting Andrew Hussie saying he's a "reluctant cult leader" when everything about these testimonies shows how eager Vivian was to manipulate all these people into becoming "relationship anarchist" clones of himself. Here, Vivian appears to have told Lola that he doesn't want her as a girlfriend, just as a fuckbuddy, a "friend with benefits", the sidebitch to him and Serafina, the same boyfriend he told Jane he no longer loved and needed to move away from. Vivian apparently thought that Lola would be more willing to bang him if he told her he just wants casual sex with no strings attached. Maybe he thought that Lola would see him as less of a rival to Tali if he insisted his interest in her was only casual? However, Lola's comments below reveal that Vivian always saw himself in competition with Tali, as his intent was to break up Lola and Tali to teach them a lesson, to show them that their monogamous relationship was an blissful illusion forced upon them by capitalism. Like I wrote earlier, even if Lola and Tali did eventually decide to open up their relationship, they would never do it with a creep like Vivian.)

The digs at my girlfriend continued, which I didn’t appreciate — but we didn’t feel threatened by them; we felt sorry for Vivian. My parents did as well, and they encouraged me to keep her around as a friend because she was clearly lonely, just like me.

(Well, you know what the German poet said, "Lieber alleine allein/Als zu zweit alleine sein/Lieber alleine allein/Als gemeinsam einsam sein".
Appreciate for a moment just how willing all these people were to put up with Vivian's continuous bullshit all just because they felt sorry for him being such a gaycel. Now you know where this (now deleted, of course) tweet came from:


V. Strange, FREE PALESTINE! 🇵🇸✊🍉
@vivvian_Strange
Existence necessitates examination. If it exists, then we must seek to understand it. Empathizing with incels and “shitty” men in general is uncomfortable, yes, but we will never solve our social problems by refusing to confront them on human terms.

Hmmm, I wonder why the gaycel insisted we be "humane" towards incels and not rather towards their victims.)

Vivian never really respected my boundaries. I asked her not to call me by pet names (especially ones my girlfriend uses) and to ease up on sexual jokes — she insisted she would continue with both.

(OMG, this checks out sooo hard. I don't know how far back people have read into this thread, but you might have seen this exchange that I posted between Vivian and an assumed Arab woman (the alias "Amira" means "princess" in Arabic) who took offense to his videos about Bisan Owda:

VivianStrangeStopFetishizingBisanOwdaYouFreak.jpg


Note how Vivian dejectedly referred to this woman as "babe", with her taking offense to him calling her that. Now tell me how long you think Vivian would last in a "Free Palestine", without someone setting him on fire for referring to Muslim women in this way. He can do this shit in his comment section, just try doing this IRL in a Muslim majority country and see what happens. Dunno, maybe he's advanced enough his Arabic studies to have learned the word حبيبي. I've noticed that Vivian has a habit of referring to women as "babe" whenever he's irritated by something they've said because he thinks it's particularly stupid. He did the same thing to Amanda when she asked him to give his opinion on some queer flag in her video on polyamory and queerness and polyamory: "Baby (sigh), I'm an anarchist. All flags are the same to me and they'll all look better when they're ashes.".)

I asked her not to touch me without my permission, which never really stuck — there was lots of touching, hugging, and hair sniffing that made me uncomfortable. At times I thought I felt her kissing my shoulder or neck when she hugged me goodbye, but tried not to overthink it.

(What is being described here is repeated sexual assault BTW. If this happened while Vivian and Lola were volunteering at the theatre, it was also workplace sexual assault. Lola can't bring herself to call it what it is because her best friend did this to her, but that's what it is. If some complete stranger walked up to Lola and did these exact same things to her, she would have no trouble using the right words to name the problem.)

She seemed to be a wounded person who struggled to understand boundaries, and I didn’t want to hold that against her.

(Whatever this person on Bsky said, literally this:

It'd be one thing if it was "didn't understand the boundaries" but instead it's "understood the boundaries entirely, but thought they weren't valid"

Vivian doesn't misunderstand boundaries, he just thinks they're invalid because of his "I am a relationship anarchist, that means I cannot be friendzoned!" rapey bullshit.)


I admired Jane’s work, and she and Vivian were close, but Vivian said Jane wouldn’t/didn’t like me and wasn’t interested in meeting me. She said the same for Elaine — basically, it was a shame, but we wouldn’t get along. I felt a bit hurt that she would keep around friends that wouldn’t like me, but I figured it was a problem with me and my content not being cool, intellectual, or obscure enough.

(Here we get the information siloing we've seen in literally all of the other testimonies. Lola should've checked Elaine's and Jane's Letterboxd accounts for herself. Sure, they watch a lot of obscure/deep Icebergy type of films, but they also log mainstream movies every now and then.)

Vivian also pretty much forbade me from meeting or seeing her partner, whom I wanted to get to know, and this made me nervous.

(Corroborated by all the testimonies excerpt for Aziel who is very brief about meeting Serafina IRL. Wish Aziel would've elaborated more on Vivian and Serafina's IRL dynamic.)

Meanwhile, Vivian began insisting I introduce her to my “famous” friends and acquire industry connections for her, which I was uncomfortable with. I usually refused, and I regret introducing her to the people I did. She often told me I was “too famous not to be generous about networking,” which concerned me — I’ve never considered myself famous. Vivian referred to us both as famous.

(This is Vivian using Lola to gain access to Nyk, which makes me wonder whether that was Vivian's endgame all along, whether he merely saw Lola as someone whom he could get himself laid and connected.)

In May-June, I flew to Ireland to be with my girlfriend and had some of the best few weeks of my life.

(I bet just being away from Vivian's bullshit was a huge relief.)

We just clicked, everything was so easy, and I knew then that I was more deeply in love than I had ever anticipated being.

(Tali is Lola's trannie of choice, as nature intended, you can guess what Vivian's response was.)

When Vivian texted me there, I told her I was having an amazing time; feeling refreshed, renewed, and optimistic about life. I told Vivian that someday I would like to marry my girlfriend and move in with her.

(Go back and read what I wrote above about Vivian seeing his own parents on the verge breaking up whenver he thinks a happy monogamous/married couple. He will never get over this if he doesn't go to a psychiatrist to discuss his irrational hatred of couples.)

Vivian asked me if perhaps I was being too optimistic, an unrealistic hopeless romantic.

(I can only imagine the almost superhuman restraint in Vivian when he texted Lola that.)

She told me then that she’d prefer not to live with my girlfriend in the future — so again, I began avoiding Vivian. She then texted my friends and asked them to keep tabs on me for her. Some expressed concern to me over this.

(Vivian gets rejected by Lola yet again for being antagostic towards Tali, so Vivian begins cyberstalking Lola through her friends. And y'all think I'm a big bad lolcow farmer for keeping the tabs on this motherfucker, when I'm only doing in public, openly and transparently, whatever this fucker does to his best friends in private behind their backs. Someone had to give this fucker a taste of his own medicine. If only I had known about Vivian Strange and what he was up to with all these Youtubers back when I was on KF, I would've posted about him there too, then more people would've been warned.)

When Vivian confronted me about my silence, I told her that I didn’t understand or appreciate her disapproval when I was so happily in love; she told me that she just wanted me and my girlfriend to have realistic expectations so that we could actually work out in the long run.

("Lola I just want your coupledom with Tali to work out (even though I hate couples and enjoy breaking them up)". Vivian was just being a gaycel again because he got cockblocked by Tali. Total cockblocking devastation. Cope, seethe and gaycel, troon.)

By September, Vivian and I had taken a gig volunteering at the theater together.

(Lola gives Vivian yet another chance to improve his life by volunteering with him. Vivian, who openly hates having to do any works, probably only took up the volunteering gig because it gave him access to Lola. What was that line again from Watchmen about "you need a pair of legs to motivate you"? That.)

She began sometimes sleeping over on the couch so we could stay up late working and watching films, then volunteer the next day. She lived up to forty-five minutes away depending on traffic, which could be an especially long drive at night.

(This is corroborated by the Bsky post about sleeping on opposite ends of the L-shaped couch, which couch you can see in this picture from Lola's old Instagram account:

TheLShapedCouch.jpg


As you can see, one end of the couch fits 4 people and the other end 3, so Lola and Vivian could've slept there without touching, but Vivian just had to get up and be creepy in the middle of the night, putting his meathooks onto a woman who had repeatedly told him to stop being frisky and groping her.)


I began to open up to her about my inner world more and more, including discussions of queerness, sexuality, etc — which, as per usual, she interpreted as a come on.

(If Lola feels guilty for TMI oversharing with Vivian, she needs to keep in mind this: a narc like Vivian doesn't hear what people are actually saying, he just hears whatever he wants to hear. Hence the "no" meaning "not now" that Jane pointed out.)

She kept insisting that I was polyamorous but didn’t really know it.

(Even if Lola was poly, she wasn't gonna be poly with this rapey creep. BTW, the reason why I responded to Vivian saying that Nyk is a bottom on that Livestream he privated, by pointing out Nyk's own public admission about using his penis during sex, albeit "reluctantly", is to remind Vivian that he often thinks he knows what people are or want sexually, but his second-guessing of people is often wrong.)

She said that if I understood anything about relationship anarchy, I could begin to understand myself. My girlfriend and I remain, as we always have been, happily monogamous.

(Vivian could never make monogamy work for himself, he admitted this before Jane in one of the GenderWeird episodes he has now nuked, his parents divorced, so he concluded that monogamy itself must be a scam, just because it never worked in his life. Vivian thinks that everyone else is indoctrinated into being monogamous by capitalism/Christian morality - which he views as one and the same - when Vivian is the one who has delusionally convinced himself that he can manipulate peope into being non-monogamous, because of his personal vendetta towards it. The fact is that it's immensely easier and more convenient to be monogamous, even for gay people, so people will always default to that over anything else. Endless relationship drama might be interesting when you're young but people get tired of that eventually.)

I felt as though every time I tried to empathize with Vivian’s perspective or learn more about it, she would insist that I was reciprocating her advances.

(It's because you were talking to someone who is a narcissist, Lola. Narcisists don't want understanding, they only want devotation and validation. That's why you can never please them without utterly destroying yourself, because nothing you do is ever good enough for a narc.)

When I told her about other friends I have who are polyamorous, she’d suggest I was expressing interest.

(Again, Vivian was only hearing whatever he wanted to hear that fed into his limerent fantasies. Narcs are known to come on hard, and that's what Lola was experiencing here. Every normal person knows that expressing interest in something doesn't mean that you want to actually do the thing. Plenty of people are interested in all sorts of things and want to learn about them, only to realize that whatever they had imagined in their heads bears no relationship to reality, and then they decide it wasn't for them in the first place. Vivian doesn't understand this kind of harmless curiosity on the part of people, because he's an all-in extremist with no ability to moderate himself, which is what Cluster Bs are.)

Vivian insisted on sleeping in my bed together at sleepovers, which I refused; although sometimes I allowed her to sleep in my bed while I slept on the couch, which I regret.

(This is corroborated by the screenshot of the message to the mutual where Vivian was gaycelling about Lola not sleeping in the same bed as him, having the sheer nerve to insist that Lola should just get over her rape trauma.)

She was constantly finding excuses to touch me, smell me, compliment me profusely, and make inappropriate sexual jokes and comments beyond usual friend norms.

(Again, all of this is some form of sexual assault or another, Lola just can't bring herself to call it that because it's too painful for her to admit that her best friend did this to her.)

Every time I tried to assert my boundaries, she would tell me that she was a very affectionate person who didn’t believe that there’s a difference between friendships and relationships. She told me this was her ethical stance; deconstructing boundaries between different types of relationships.

(This is corroborated by Vivian's own Livestream where he said that there is no difference between planotic and romantic relationships because "it's a false binary". He was repeating whatever he told Lola. Then he proceeded to blatanty contradict himself by insisting that he himself had never had a "formal" sexual relationship with another Youtuber. Like, why would a self-professed anarchist even give a shit if a certain relationship met the treshold of a "formal" relationship? This only goes to show that Vivian has no fucking clue what he's actually saying, how there is no internal consistency or logic to his thinking, which explains why he will do a 180 at the drop of a hat, if he thinks that helps his narrative. Just like a narc, Vivian will tell whatever lie will get him whatever he wants. When it doesn't work out, he throws a gaycel mantrum and burns everything to the ground.)

I began to suspect she was taking photos of me, touching me, or kissing me in my sleep — so at one sleepover, I pretended to be asleep to see what would happen. I felt her kiss me and touch my hair and clothes, as well as her presence hovering above me as if she were taking photos.

(Again, all of this is de facto sexual assault. As I wrote in my other post, I personally suspect, on the basis of this description, that Vivian was performing some kind of hypno-induction on Lola, because he delusionally thought that if he touched and kissed her in her sleep, his caresses/kisses would get through to her subconscious and this would lead to her being more amenable to his groping and frisking while awake. Lola is naive about AGPs, so she very likely doesn't know about "sissy-hypno" and all the other weird hypno-induction shit that AGPs always get into. I would not be surprised if it turns out that Vivian already knows about this kind of hypno-induction, and had convinced himself that he could magically "cure" Lola's intimacy issues by essentially repeatedly sexually assaulting her in her sleep. Vivian must be very proud of himself to have realized that he has only retraumatized Lola and has given her a sexual trauma for life. "I can fix her"? STFU & GTFO.)

It was also around this time that she revealed to me some personal beliefs that I found frankly odious.

(Vivian told Lola something so dark and disturbing about himself that she can't even bring herself to repeat what it was, but we can all pretty much guess what this was about.)

The way she talked about her girlfriend and Jane in particular made me deeply uncomfortable.

(Remember the info siloing here. Vivian was involved with all these people but he was simultaneously trashtalking them to one another, while making sure they never directly communicated with eachother so that they would never see what Vivian was actually saying about them to others. Mind you, this endless gossip-mongering is Vivian's idea of how to built up a queer community.)

I planned to distance myself from her when we were done working at the theater.

(Vivian and Lola were working at the threatre in September of 2023. On October 24, 2023 Vivian posted the following on his (now deleted, of course) Bsky account:

vivianstrangegettingdumped-jpg.53054


I guess this was the date that Lola showed Vivian the door for good. It was after Lola broke off the friendship that Vivian became utterly obsessed with Bisan Owda and the war in Ghaza. Just like the first time Lola rejected him and stopped talking to him, Vivian's channel immediately took a turn towards more strident and politically extreme content. It's very obvious by now that Vivian pivots towards political extremism to distract himself whenever he's making a mess out of his private life.)

All of this came to a head when, one night after a gig when I was quite intoxicated, Vivian came onto me — a “what are we?” conversation. I felt as though we’d already had this conversation a few times, and I’d rejected her advances, but she refused to believe me, saying things like “If you’re not into me, why do you drive me crazy? Why do you get dolled up when we go out? Why do you get me so hard?” Feeling cornered and scared, I locked myself in the bathroom and called my Dad, asking him to take her home.

(I can't even begin to describe how fucking angry this makes me. This is why women's spaces like bathrooms must be defended, BTW, exactly because of this kind of rapey, predatory shit from AGP narcs like Vivian Strange who want to make their ladyboner someone else's problem.)

I tried to talk to Vivian afterward,

(NO! LOLA, DON'T TALK TO HIM! BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM EVERYWHERE!)

but she became angry and sent me endless screenshots of our text conversations to try and prove that some sort of spark had existed. She accused me of leading her on, of playing a “‘who, me?’ ingenue bullshit” persona,


LolaBeLikeWhoMe.jpg


of keeping secret feelings for her from my girlfriend,

(This is emotional blackmail BTW, literally "fuck me or I will tell Tali that you wanted to fuck me", glad Tali didn't fall for this shit.)

of being someone who doesn’t understand her own feelings — “And if you actually understood anything I’ve told you about relationship anarchy and nonmonogamy and whatnot, you’d understand what’s going on.”

(Remember folks, while this fucking rapey creep was making his gaycel ladyboner Lola's problem, he was also at the same time attending all those queer sex clubs, attending those trannie sex shows he was trying to trick Aziel into attending so Aziel could "meet a neovagina" for the first time in his life, bragging on Instagram about the birthday orgies he was attending where he was exchanging blowjobs for subs, trying to groom Jane, Elaine and Aziel over DMs into having threesomes with him... but all of that sex still wasn't enough for him, just because Lola wouldn't dickride him. At the same time Vivian would do Livestreams where he would admit that his sex life wasn't satisfying to him, and that he much rather prefers to do drugs over having sex, thus admitting that he had sex with people only to do drugs with them. Vivian, if your sex life is so miserable that nothing you do ever satisfies you, that you're so numb from all the drugs that you can't even feel your dick anymore, why make this Lola's problem? You did this to yourself, you troon, and that's why it really hurts, so you'll only keep doing more drugs creating a viscious circle where you feel less and less until you feel nothing. Why drag Lola into this misery you've caused for yourself? Because you're such a loving, affectionate friend? Fuck off, you've shown everyone exactly who you really are over the past weeks.)

She’s since changed the story, saying she didn’t want to be with me at all, ever — romantically or sexually. That she was just “checking in.”

(I literally transcribed and posted the part from the Livestream where Vivian was saying all this, I just didn't know it was about Lola at the time and assumed Vivian was talking about Jane, because that was the most recent friend to jump ship.)

This is when I realized that, since the beginning, she’d been manipulating me, trying to push boundaries, and make me feel unsure of myself so she could take advantage of me. I began to wonder if maybe things that had gone missing in my room were taken by her.

(Very common with AGPs BTW, they are known to steal shit, especially clothes - like Vivian did with Aziel's witch hat - but Nyk told Lola not to look into AGPs, that the whole concept of AGPs was nothing but some made-up TERF bullshit, and thus Nyk helped create a whole generation of zoomer women like Lola who are naive about AGPs and won't know what hit'em until it's too late and the AGP has already damaged them. BTW, did Nyk ever tell Lola that thedress he wore in this video was a dress he had stolen from his girlfriend before she left him? Nyk admitted that he stole the black dress with the white lace collar on a Livestream at the time, but I do wonder if Lola knows this story. Nyk, I hope you're proud of your spiritual offspring. You helped create the likes of Vivian, and the likes of Lola too, who had to reap the poisonous crop from the rotten seeds you've sown.)

I can wholeheartedly say this is a friendship I gave everything to because I cared, and because I was vulnerable and lonely.

(I have no doubt of this, and that's what so sad about this testimony. You can tell that Lola genuinely cared about keeping Vivian as a friend, not just because she felt sorry for him being such a lone wolf gaycel, but because she was genuinely interested in him and his ideas, which is why she gave him a million chances, all of which he squandered. I can only imagine how much it must've hurt for Lola to receive that screenshot of Vivian's gaycel rant to the mutual and to realize that he never valued their friendship the way she did. Vivian's verbal aggression towards Lola was appalling, and a unique insight into the mind of a Cluster B.)

I am very aware that conflict does not equal abuse.

(Lola is referring to the title of the book Conflict Is Not Abuse: Overstating Harm, Community Responsibility, and the Duty of Repair by the lesbian Dzooish author Sarah Schulman. Schulman has always been a TRA, but they still hate her book. I myself posted those threads on KiwiFarms, of troons on Twitter just shitting all over that book. I guess Lola has never seen those threads to bring up a book that troons hate so virulently.)

I am hesitant to qualify her as my abuser,

(As I pointed out above, a lot of what Vivian did to Lola, especially the repeated violations of her personal physical space - the groping, the grabbing, the frisking, the kissing - as well as the violations of her bodily integrity while unconscious in particular - kissing and touching Lola while she was asleep while taking non-consensual pictures of her sleeping - that is all de facto sexual assault. The fact that Lola personally cannot bring herself to call her best friend an abuser doesn't discount the factuat that what he did to her was sexual abuse legally.)

but I do feel as though her behavior toward me was highly manipulative if not sexually coercive.

("sexually coercive", aka rapey. "Rapey" means not quite rape-rape but getting there gradually with tentative steps, so he can still have plausible deniability if he gets called out before it actually gets to that. Just because I am using a different term doesn't term doesn't mean I am not referring to the same thing.)

I have often been around people who don’t quite understand social norms or interpersonal boundaries; this does not feel like the same thing.

(Indeed it was not. As that other person on Bsky said, there's a difference between not understanding boundaries, and totally understanding them but deciding they're not valid enough for your liking.)

My parents gave Vivian money and bought her groceries, I tried to help her find work, I cooked for her and cut her bangs, and in general we spent a lot of time together.

(Vivian had all these people genuinely caring about him, rooting for him and he squandered it all.)

When our friendship dissolved, she begged me not to shit talk her or blacklist her, and I respected that wish because of the friendship we’d had.

(Well, that courtesy certainly wasn't reciprocated because I got to listen and watch a LOT of Vivian's Livestreams after he had broken with Lola, many of which I transcribed here in this thread, and Vivian was constantly shittalking other Youtubers on his Livestreams, he just sometimes forgot to specify whom he was referring to. Could've been Lola, could've been someone else. Vivian would start off these rants saying: "I hate how have to bite my tongue about other Youtubers", only to proceed to trashtalk other Youtubers anyway. If this was Vivian "biting his tongue", we can only imagine what he sounds like when he really spews his vitriol. I think that screenshot of that rant to the mutual gave us a good impression of what that's really like.)

I never sabotaged Vivian’s reputation with other creators, nor said anything bad about her. Months later, I was heartbroken to learn that she was shit talking me — other creators began sending me screenshots of her doing so.

(Just imagine you guys, she found this out, and still kept it to herself all this time. I wonder, if Jane, Elaine and Aziel hadn't reached out with similar experiences, would Lola have found the courage to speak out? I guess it helps to speak out as a group.)

She has for the past year characterized me as a poor communicator, someone who never sets proper boundaries or defines relationships. She has characterized my girlfriend and our relationship as toxic and problematic. My girlfriend and I have never been stronger than we are today, but I’ve never felt so naive. I am grateful that my girlfriend has always been loving and kind to me about all of this, never doubting me, my heart, my loyalty, or my intentions. She does not blame me for anything, nor hold any grudges.

(Every time Vivian tries to break up a couple they only end up getting closer. I am sure the narc fucker will congratulate himself over this too: "Look, I actually made your relationship better in the end!")

I was heartbroken when Jane, Elaine, and Aziel reached out to express that they’d experienced the same thing with Vivian that I went through and gave her grace just like me. They also shared with me contemporaneous messages she sent to them about me during our friendship. These messages were at times unkind, mocking even. I am ashamed and saddened to have given Vivian so many chances.
We all are.

Lush - Ladykillers

Blondie was with me for a summer
He flirted like a maniac
But I wouldn't bite
I'm weak
And he was so persistent
He only had to have me
'cause I put up a fight

Oh God, the boy had such an ego
He liked to talk about himself
All day and all night
You think
You're such a ladykiller
But you were nothing special
'till you turned out the light

When he's nice to me
He's just nice to himself
And he's watching his reflection
I'm a five foot mirror
For adoring himself
Here's seven years' bad luck

(I wanna tell him)

When you say you love me
You're just flattering your vanity
But I don't need your practised lines
Your school of charm mentality, so
Save your breath for someone else and
Credit me with something more
When it comes to men like you
I know the score
I've heard it all before
 
Updates: Lola Sebastian: "You’re never gonna keep me down" - Vivian Strange's friend(?) Zane/In Praise of Shadows is back... but he denies being friends with any other Youtubers: "I only log into Discord once every 6 months" - Researching the possible origins of the term "reluctant cult-leader" - Video for Jane: "How to become a cult leader" - Are movies nowadays "sexless"

Update from Lola Sebastian on Bsky, quoting Chumbawamba's Tubthumping:

LolaUP.jpg


A lot of people have asked how I’m holding up. It’s been an exceptionally painful few weeks. But I’m literally the strongest person I know. I’m firmly rooted in truth, in my convictions, and in spirituality. In other words, I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down 🤷‍♀️

Remember the (now privated, of course) Livestream where Vivian Strange was asked who the worst Youtuber was, and he said it was Wendigoon for driving his friend Zane/In Praise of Shadows off the internet? That was Vivian claiming he's friends with Zane/In Praise of Shadows, the disgraced film essayist from North Carolina who went after Wendigoon for not being Native-American enough and also dragged a whole bunch of other conservative Youtubers, mostly on the basis of unfounded online rumours and speculation.

Anyways, Zane has returned to Youtube with a new video essay, but he also posted a more personal video on his other channel that kinda disputes Vivian's claim of them being friends.

Here's Zane himself disputing that he's friends with other Youtubers, claiming that he avoids social media and only goes on Discord once every 6 months:

"For the most part I am not friends with other content creators." - Zane/In Praise of Shadows

"I am not a jealous man and I never will be. I have tried to approach everything with compassion, understanding and love." - Also Zane/In Praise of Shadows


So how is Vivian friends with Zane if Zane avoids being friends with other Youtubers? Is this alleged friendship with Zane yet another bullshit claim that Vivian made up to make himself seem connected to bigger more famous Youtubers, just like he did with Lola?

I also just discovered this song through Lola's Bsky and it's absolutely perfect for this thread, even more than the Ladykillers song by Lush I posted in response to her testimony:

Cult Boyfriend - Jeffrey Lewis Band


Read these lyrics, they're literally about Vivian:

For every time I couldn't get a second date or even first
Why does one think I'm the best when all the rest think I'm the worst
All of those times no one at all wanted to know
If I'm really all that awesome wouldn't more people think so
I guess Cult Boyfriend is the term for me
It's always been quality not quantity
A cult boyfriend's like a record in a bargain bin
No one knows its worth 'til a collector comes in
...

Anyway the point being, do I have to be magical?
Can't we date a few months and then move on normal and casual
Suicidally alone and then totally smothered
It's so much pressure when you go from one extreme to the other

I'm a cult boyfriend, not a mainstream show
I'm lonely or I'm worshiped by a lady in the know
When you're a cult boyfriend life is always intense
They're in love or they're indifferent no one's on the fence

Someone left Vivian this comment underneath the Sex Scenes video, but I think whatever they're trying to get across is going to fall onto deaf ears:

SwirlReplyToZekzScenesVideo.jpg


@SwirlScapeOnEtsy
I think it's less about staying in a "personal comfort bubble" and more about over-saturation. People have so much access to explicit content online now, that many have just seen it all (often beginning at very young ages, unfortunately, for kids whose parents never figured out the parental controls for the computer.) So having it in movies seems boring, or maybe silly when it's played as the high point in the story, but the scene is super tame compared to whatever the person ordinarily watches online. Scenes that would keep our parents and grandparents glued to the screen may only engender a yawn and a bathroom break for younger people, and that's just the result of the changing information environment we all live in. Unfortunately, I think artists and writers are going to have to adapt if they want to earn a living. We don't have the audiences of yesteryear, but that doesn't mean there aren't still things-- even uncomfortable things-- that people really want to see in cinema. "Meet-cutes," for example, are a "taken for granted" part of a traditional romance movie-- they happen in the first 15 minutes, every time, without fail. But my guess is a "current day"-style protagonist could spend most of a movie just chasing that kind of experience, because "How can I meet someone?" is a huge struggle for so many people these days. Securing an opportunity to watch people bang, meanwhile, really isn't. That doesn't mean there can't still be great, popular and artistic films made today. But which aspects of human interaction matter most to people may be different now. That doesn't make audiences "wrong" or "childish," if some platonic moment of sincere human connection is more cathartic to them than an explicit scene, it just means they want to watch stories that relate to the things in life they find special and moving, and aren't as moved or inspired by the kinds of explicit scenes they find inauthentic and ubiquitous.


"That doesn't make audiences "wrong" or "childish," if some platonic moment of sincere human connection is more cathartic to them than an explicit scene, it just means they want to watch stories that relate to the things in life they find special and moving", Swirl, you're explaining this to someone who is such a drug addict, some who openly admits he only has sex to get people to do drugs with him, because he much rather prefers to do drugs over having sex. He literally has no idea what you're talking about because he can't relate to people wanting to see sincere human connections over sex. Like I wrote here in the thread earlier, I literally don't understand what Vivian Strange is talking about when he claims that "movies today are sexless". Take for example The Apprentice, the Trump biopic. There was a scene in this movie with Donald Trump raping his ex-wife Ivana on the floor after she gifted him a book about the G-spot. Vivian wrote that he likes to watch rape scenes, so this should be really exciting for him. There's another scene of Trump cheating on his wife getting his dick sucked, but he can't keep it up because the amphetamines he's been taking have given him ED. Vivian probably won't like this scene because he'll take it personally, but this was yet another sex scene. Then there was the exclusive gay sex scene (which did not involve Trump, though he did accidentally almost walk into it), at the very beginning of the movie, at a 1970s coke bender party, where Trump's Dzooish gay lawyer Roy Cohn gets fucked up the ass by his pozzed up boyfriend on his bed, while some nearby gays (one of which I think was Roger Stone?) are having a threesome. I don't know what movies Vivian Strange has been watching that he somehow missed all this. This is a mainstream movie that Trump himself has seen and blasted, calling it a hit-piece. So no, movies today are definitely not sexless, they just seem sexless to an extremist like Vivian Strange because he's a coomer who is desensitized due to all the t-porn he's been consooming since he was a teenager and because of his drug addictions literally numbing his senses.

Regarding the whole "reluctant cult leader" bullshit from the re-posted Homestuck video, I wanted to show everyone this for context:

Reluctant Warrior (Asian Dub Foundation Mix)

This is a drum N' bass track by the British band Asian Dub Foundation where they've incorporated an excerpt from an interview with Assata Shakur where she talks about being "a reluctant warrior, a reluctant struggler". The track was originally released in 2000 under the title "Committed to Life" on their album Community Music. If you were wondering why Vivian is so obsessed with BLM, now you know why. Because appropriating talking points from that milieu is what Vivian is using to justify being rapey towards his best friends. Recall here that a LOT of Vivian's recent followers came from FD Signifier plugging Vivian's videos on his community tab, while also driving his subscribers towards Vivian's scammy GoFundMe. Tellingly FD Signifier has not yet distanced himself from Vivian Strange, even and despite shouting out videos such as this. The fact remains that FD Signifier was Vivian's biggest supplier of subs. Perhaps FD Signifier needs to be updated regarding whom he actually asked his subscribers to donate to. Same for Anansi's Library BTW, he never distanced himself from Vivian either despite plugging the Ghaza Diaries on his Community Tab and driving people to Vivian's channel. This is basically how Vivian operates: he infiltrates an online community, either an media/film scene like the video essay scene, or a political/activist scene like BLM or the protests against the War in Ghaza, where he tries to hook up with the participants, thus inevitably causing some kind of sex drama in that scene, then Vivian burns all bridges denouncing everyone as fakes and sellouts and not radical enough, while moving on to the next scene where he's gonna do the same thing all over again.

To conclude, here is a video that Jane definitely should check out:

Mind Control Made Easy (or How to Become a Cult Leader)
 
BREAKING: Vivian Strange's DARVO video incoming!

How boring and uninspired. Instead of writing his own De Profundis like a real "Philosopher of the Bedroom", he lazily hides behind other people's essays, so he can vaguely and generally claim their justifications as his own and avoid addressing the actual, specific accusations made against him:

HOT ALLOSTATIC LOAD: A Measured Response


In the description he writes:

Thank you to everyone for all your support. Bye Strangers!

V.

"Bye Strangers", so he's rage-quitting Youtube yet again. Not the first time he's done it:

VivianStrangeSoImQuittingYoutubeThisYear.jpg


He's gonna do it for real this time though! He's even deleted his avatar picture this time to show everyone how serious he is this time:

VivianDeletesProfilePicYoutube.jpg


This is the Youtube equivalent of 数独 baiting, which Vivian is also known to do in his videos.

VivianStrangeSuicideBaiting.jpg


Vivian, if you really want people to "kill their idols", then you should be proud of your former friends doing exactly that.
Because you never wanted to be a real friend to them either. You just wanted them to idolize you and deliver their genitals to you.
 
Vivian Strange asking the very same person that he was trash talking before his best friends for years to comfort him

I have a lot of things to say about the Hot Allostatic Load video. For now, I want to comment on this part:


I immediately noticed that Vivian is wearing the same red lace lined tank top with the plunging neckline that he wore in some of the Instagram pictures with Lola. I don't think this choice of clothes is coincidental or random, but a conscious deliberate act of defiance, the same way Vivian uses different voices for different quotes in the text, including his actual male voice to read a quote from a man. I myself had commented here in the forum on the fact that Vivian wore this provocative red tank top and posed in it in a way to seemingly to advertise his sexual availability to Lola. I wrote this before I learned about Vivian's failed sexual conquest of Lola, purely on the basis of what I saw in those pictures. Vivian wears this tank top with no bra because whenever his nipples are hard they'll stick out against the fabric (there are other examples of him doing this in videos and Livestreams). He wore it like this around Lola because he wanted her to notice his arousal. Now he's wearing it in the video because he knows Lola will see him and remember him in this tank top. If you'll recall from Lola's testimony, Vivian straight-up accused Lola of dressing up nicely whenever they went out together for no other reason than to "drive [him] crazy", to arouse him and then pay hard-to-get. But in reality it was Vivian himself who was dressing up for Lola, because he was already aroused by her.

Vivian, while reading Hot Allostatic Load, at one point repeatedly chokes on this part:

I often have the overwhelming physical sensation of having a dead person in my life, someone as close as an identical twin. The sensation is of me being the only one still alive after a terrible accident, lingering like an unshriven thing. The inability to share stigma is even worse than the original act of violation. The greater part of a wound is its inability to heal.

Then, while he is crying, Serafina off-camera asks Vivian if he's OK, he replies "I'm not OK, but...", while he's still sobbing, Serafina asks, "Do you need anything?", so Vivian asks Serafina: "Can you hug me?".

(And I immediately thought back to Nyk on a Livestream, describing how he was reading /r/GenderCritical for a video, breaking down crying, asking Theryn Meyer to hug him. "I know the score, I've heard it all before.")

Serafina is the same "girlfriend" that Vivian was trashtalking to his best friends all these years, telling them he no longer loved Serafina, saying he wanted to escape Portland to LA with Lola, the same person Elaine confronted Vivian about financially abusing, the same person he wouldn't allow any of his best friends to meet, info-siloing them from one another to prevent his friends from showing Serafina exactly how Vivian regarded their relationship... here you have Vivian asking that same person to comfort him.

What are we looking at here? Codependency? Trauma bonding? Pity?

The other part of Hot Allostatic Load that makes Vivian choke up is while reading this description of a dream:

“She was my abuser. She came to my house on the island. I begged her to stop what she had done, to clear my name. She would not. It had been two years of being abused like a child because of her. I turned to walk deeper into the house. I looked back. She had a knife. She stabbed me. It was the happiest dream of my life. Because finally an abuser had done something to me that people would pay attention to. When I woke up my entire spirit was crushed because I had not been stabbed. I felt the weight of all these years of abuse. I wished so badly I had been stabbed.


 
Vivian Strong pka Vivian Strange responds to the allegations: "NOT GUILTY" - Vivian promises another video in the future where he responds to specific accusations and shows the relevant receipts. - Vivian gives his interpretation of the accusations leveled at him by Lola and Aziel, but neglects to mention Elaine and Jane, only vaguely alluding to them - Chat wasn't buying it. - Aranok on and others on Bsky are mad at the "cooptation" of Hot Allostatic Load (a sacred text in the gender cult)

VivianStrangeDARVOvideoNOTGUILTY.jpg


I feel the need to do a close reading of Vivian's intro to the Hot Allostatic Load reading, because it's the only thing he has left us with, until he decides to post a proper defense, which he claims he will do at some point in the future. As of now, Vivian denies being guilty of the accusations leveled at him by his former friends... or whatever his personal reading of those allegations is, anyway.

TLDR Hot Allostatic Load summary for those who don't have the time to read it or watch Vivian's reading of it:

TLDRHotAllostaticLoad.jpg


Source: https://bsky.app/profile/zealousagain.bsky.social/post/3l623o2ex7x2z

Here is my transcript of Vivian's preliminary response:

Hello Strangers. I am a content creator who makes videos on Youtube under the name Vivian Strange, but today I must speak to you as Vivian Strong, as the real human being I am instead of the abstract internet personality I must perform as part of my job.

I am making this video in response to a document published on October 12th 2024, by fellow content creators Lola Sebastian, Style is Substance, Elaine Fuentes and Aziel Jane Vivian, which contains multiple allegations of abuse and overall accuse me of general toxicity of character.

This statement opens with a quote of my own, a phrase I have frequently used to describe my channel's ethos in the past: "If it exists, it must be examined.". What does that mean? Most simply, all that matter is the truth, and we must commit ourselves to the truth, no matter how terrifying and uncomfortable and inconvenient it usually is.


But what does that mean in the context of this video, and the statement that prompted it? What is that truth, that more often than not terrifying, uncomfortable and inconvenient thing that most of us are too anxious to confront, understand, internalize, even vocalize? All that matters is the truth and the truth is, the only thing that matters is People. Because, we are all the same species, and in reality there is no "them". There is only us. There are no sides because we are all on the same side. There's no such thing as good people or evil people, there are only human beings, damaged, hurting and traumatizing each other over and over and over again, inside a system of control designed to keep us doing so until every last one of us is dead.

If it exists, we must examine it. I still stand behind this ethos with every fibre of my being, which means I do take abuse very seriously. And the accusations made against me by four people that I have loved very deeply, are no less serious to be just because I am the one being accused and scrutinized this time.

But my commitment is to truth, above all else, and the plain and simple truth is that I am categorically not guilty of what I am being accused of in this statement.

I've been informed that people like specifics when doing videos like this. I'm sorry, this is never a video I thought I'd be doing, but (laughs), whatever. So, more specifically:


1. I have never committed any sort of sexual violence or coercion against Lola Sebastian. Not even close.

2. I categorically did not touch or violate either Lola or Aziel Jane while they were asleep.

3. I have not, at any point, inflicted any material harm on any of the accusers.


I have clear and indisputable evidence to prove this. However, I owe it to the truth and to my accusers to take the time and space necessary to gather all of my proof and present it to the world in the clearest, most comprehensive format I possibly can. I know the truth. I know that I am innocent, beyond the shadow of a doubt, and I will prove it. But, in my time, on my terms.

Essentially though, what is happening to me is a familiar pattern of collective abusive behaviour wielded against transfemmes, as a means of ostracization and maintaining the corrosive hierarchies required to preserve capitalist hegemony. This is a process that is colloquially known as "being HALed", named after Hot Allostatic Load, a powerful 2015 essay by Porpentine, herself a previous victim of this heinous and destructive process, and a much better writer than I am. The rest of this video will be a reading of this important essay, an essential text for understanding just how inconceivably destructive and dangerous it is to uncritically accept accusations of abuse against trans people. Thank you to everyone who has supported me for the last 4 years. You will not see or hear from me for a while. As I said, I am proving the truth in my own time, and I also need to take this time off to focus on securing me and my family's safety. In addiction to dealing with this extremely stressful situation, me and my wife are being evicted from my apartment and are desperately scrambling trying to ensure that doesn't happen. Please do not feel obligated by any means, but if you would like to help support us through this incredibly difficult time, [yet another GFM scam].

And now, without further ado, Hot Allostatic Load.

When I look at him in this video I see the shell shock in his eyes... he looks sleepless and pale. I get absolutely no Schadenfreude whatsoever from seeing him like this. It could be the PDS from him continuing to work on the Ghaza Diaries, but this time I see a child's baffled hurt in those eyes. He definitely didn't expect to be called out by his former friends.

First, I want to address this subscript, because I do think that what he wrote here is aimed at me personally, but generalized to include the the victims and everyone their circles supporting them, which I think is really unfair, but a typical example of Vivian's unwillingness to see people as individuals with their own thoughts and agendas:

VivianStrongRealPeopleWhoArentDisposable.jpg


honestly idgaf at this point, I have more important things to worry about, and besides, only Real People who aren't disposable are allowed to have pronouns and let's not kid ourselves, a fair bit of you see me as a man no matter what I say, so does it really matter?

AFAIK, the only person "misgendering" Vivian is myself. I "misgender" Vivian here on OnionFarms for the same reason I "misgendered" Nyk and other AGPs I was researching and posting about on KiwiFarms for years: I do not see these AGPs as women. I see them as abusive, narcissistic men wrapping themselves up in the transflag and infiltrating a community known to accommodate them in order to get away with abuse. Vivian can insist on there not being any sides all he wants, but I am very obviously at the opposite end of both him and his victims, ideologically, in every way. I am observing and criticizing Vivian as a "gender fascist" existing and operating outside of the gender cult, so I call things the way I see them, with no concern to the tenants of a gender cult that I want nothing to do with. I have very closely followed logged the things other people within the gender cult have said about this drama since it started, and I personally have not seen a single person other than myself "misgender" Vivian, anywhere at all. Everyone else following this drama is in the same circles and hence the same gender cult as Vivian Strange, so everyone is pandering to him, including the victims themselves. I find it incredibly misleading and unfair for Vivian to take whatever I have said about him here in the thread, and to generalize it to others, claiming that people won't let him have his preferred pronouns because they do not consider him a real person. In case Vivian Strange is wondering (and since Aranock also felt compelled to disclose this on his end on Bsky): Vivian, I do not know your victims and they do not know me. I have never communicated with any of these people in any shape or form. I am not on Discord. I have never set foot in any of y'alls private Discord servers, so I have no idea what's being discussed there, before or during this drama. When Lola wrote in her testimony something to effect that members of Vivian's private Discord server were threatening her for wanting to speak out, I had no idea what this was about, because I have never seen those private messages that people are apparently screengrabbing and sharing via private channels. I am not part of that whole game of telephone. I already wrote here in the thread that I only do OSINT, I only post and comment on things that people say in public. If it's not public then I simply don't know about it. Vivian, please do not blame the victims or their supporters for what I write here about you. Everything I write here is on my own accord and no one else's. Besides, even if Lola did see you for the entitled, cruel, sexist, condescending, frightening man that you were towards her, you know she would never dare say this out loud. Not even to herself. Your circle is your circle and they have nothing whatsoever to do with me. This is the truth and I have no reason to lie to you about this.

Next, I want to address Vivian's own reading of the accusations leveled at him by the victims:

VivianStrangeDARVOvideoSpecifically.jpg


I could turn this into a game of semantics and what specific terms actually mean, but I won't. Remember that part in Hot Allostatic Load about paying attention to trans people disappearing? Who's missing from this list? Why is Vivian not responding to the allegations made against him by Elaine and Jane, like those allegations don't exist or don't have any relevance to the others?

Jane and Elaine's accusation against Vivian's was basically that he was pushing and goading them towards doing all kind of sex things that they didn't feel comfortable doing and that were detrimental to their relationship, and that he did this because he sadistically enjoyed pitting them against one another and destroying their relationship remotely. It's through Jane's and Elaine's testimonies that we established a pattern of Vivian being a homewrecker who targets couples and tries to break them up, supposedly because he views couples as a symptom of atomization under capitalism. Basically, Vivian doesn't view people in couples as breaking their atomization but as people reinforcing their atomization, just with another equally isolated person. It's a very bleak view of coupledom. (Someone should give Vivian, when he's doing a little better, a copy of Against Love, he'll love it.) Is it because Jane openly threatened to sue Vivian for revenge porn if he leaks their DMs? Or is it because Vivian's relationship to Elaine and Jane was mostly virtual? If Vivian loved Jane and Elaine as deeply as he claims to have loved Lola and Aziel, why discard their claims like this?

VivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoadAMeasuredResponse.jpg


As for the live chat during the premiere of this video, they mostly didn't buy it. I was frankly shocked at how openly hostile the chat was towards Vivian because you thought it would be full of his Discord sycophants cheering him on. I see now that Vivian has already banned some of the people in the original chat, including a user with the alias "Amanda Hootman", so I am providing my own transcript of the chat with the original comments from the banned accounts, as well as my screengrabs while it was happening. As you can see Amanda was also in the chat, and she was unhappy with Vivian's video also:

Ian Curtis Wishlist
Cap


Amanda Hootman
believe victims


Ian Curtis Wishlist
“There is no such things as good or bad people”


Ian Curtis Wishlist
Okay??


Amanda Hootman
lmao responding to the assault allegations with "not uh" and then reading someone else's work and monetizing it. classic vivian.


One Stop Pop Culture
okay toxic gossip train - you have no way to respond. you can’t have evidence of NOT doing what you did TO OTHER CHANCE WOMEN so you read someone else’s essay??


Ian Curtis Wishlist
This is worse than Colleen Ballingers apology


Amanda Hootman
"i caused no material harm" said like someone who knows what words mean


One Stop Pop Culture
what’s in Hot Allostatic Load does not even apply to you.


Amanda Hootman
you have been posting vaguely threatening posts on social media for days, trying to intimidate your victims


Amanda Hootman
i think making the title a reference to hbomberguy is a dope ass move considering this is a work of plagiarism


One Stop Pop Culture
Hot Allostatic Load is about a woman being hurt and controlled by her local community. You sought out other vulnerable trans women from across the country.


Kevin
stealing someone else's work and going "oh this is my excuse too"


Paynraven
I will say though it's a great audio article


Luciel
It's really disgusting to see you use your transness as a defense over and over again when the allegations are coming from other trans women.


One Stop Pop Culture
how tf are you going to “prove” that you didn’t assault Lola while she was sleeping? does she keep cameras in her room? did you personally record every single sleepover?

you personally record every single sleepover?


Kevin
@Paynraven it would be if it was read by someone with charisma

Paynraven
@Kevin true


Mainely Mandy
I'm really disappointed in you, Vivian


Amanda Hootman
@One Stop Pop Culture "I filmed myself not abusing that woman in her sleep :)"


Kevin
wow thats the opposite of what happened to you


Lady Emily
Vivian.. you're... not black......


Amanda Hootman
"do this thing you don't want to do or I'll ruin your life" and the thing is not assaulting sleeping women


Kevin
@Lady Emily this is vile


One Stop Pop Culture
you know what else can cause ptsd, lower the lifespan, weaken the immune system, and permanently damage the body?


Kevin
omg this has been so hard on her everyone shes been super thirsty since she started threatening victims


Mainely Mandy
@Kevin I just choked on my lunch lmao


One Stop Pop Culture
Lola Sebastian has been very open about her struggle with ptsd for years.


Amanda Hootman
just saying sorry was always an option


Nader Nabil
<3 <3


PeppaCrab
guess my suspicions have been made correct


Amanda Hootman
imagine how powerful those words would be if they were actually yours


Paynraven
OH THE CROCODILE TEARS THAT ONE BINGO CARD!!!!

Amanda Hootman
remember when this woman cut together a palestinian woman's work, shamed people for not watching her super cut, and used it to promote her own patreon?


Mainely Mandy
Well at least there's a cute cat


Kevin
you are the predator in your profession...


Amanda Hootman
@Mainely Mandy the only good thing in this video


Amanda Hootman
you are an abuser vivian


Amanda Hootman
YOU


Mainely Mandy
How many of the victims are trans again?


Moss🇵🇸
What's happening here? I don't know the context...


Nopasaran
She's reading an essay


Kevin
@Moss🇵🇸 vivian was credibly accused of abuse and this is her response, after weeks of threatening the victims


Derpy
It looks like a lot of people are having fun attacking each other, Moss


Amanda Hootman
@Moss🇵🇸 yeah she spent two minutes saying "no ☺" to the allegations and now she's reading someone else's essay


Derpy
I'm so shocked that I've never come across this HAL article before today. Thanks so much for sharing it Vivian! It somehow feels very relevant to me and what I do.


Moss🇵🇸
Oh great...thank you for the context everyone.


Amanda Hootman
@Derpy she assaulted and coerced trans women


Nopasaran
@Moss🇵🇸 She was called an abuser and rapist. She denies the claims and is basically reading an essay that criticizes callout culture that targets trans women.


Derpy
Amanda, I know the context! Thank you for making sure I'm aware, k? I really appreciate it ❤ But I'm still glad for this video!


Mainely Mandy
So I'm watching the intro and she says "no" to the allegations and immediately moves on to read the essay but she also named the video "a measured response"?? What is the purpose of this exactly?


Lady Emily
"DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable"


Nopasaran
& when those accusations are made, there is almost always never a way to say "i didn't do this". Basically it's a way of removing inconvenient trans women.


Kevin
she's not inconvenient, she's an abuser


Amanda Hootman
how many trans women are an acceptable price to pay so that vivian can be the e-celeb she wants to be?


One Stop Pop Culture
it wasn’t hundreds or thousands of people - it was 4 women, 3 of which are trans, 2 of which are women of color.


Mainely Mandy
Seconding what Kevin said


Amanda Hootman
apologizing was always an option


Amanda Hootman
this is just an extension of her abuse


Nopasaran
@Mainely Mandy She said she's taking time off to work on proving her innocence.


Amanda Hootman
she made this video to cause distress to her victims


Nader Nabil
@Nopasaran Thank you for context.


Mainely Mandy
@Nopasaran Yeah so why release this at all? Its not a response. This could have been a post


Amanda Hootman
@Mainely Mandy can't monetize a post


Mainely Mandy
@Amanda Hootman exactly


Nopasaran
@Nader Nabil ur welcome


Mainely Mandy
Well this was a waste of time


Nopasaran
@Mainely Mandy I dunno about much of this. I'm just a fan of hers. isnt she about to be evicted?


Mainely Mandy
Hope everyone takes care of themselves


Kevin
wtf?


Mainely Mandy
Please read the victims' accounts


Nader Nabil
I don't think these videos you mentioned were monetized. I didn't get any ads

Derpy
Amanda, I know the context! Thank you for making sure I'm aware, k? I really appreciate it ❤ But I'm still glad for this video!


Mainely Mandy
So I'm watching the intro and she says "no" to the allegations and immediately moves on to read the essay but she also named the video "a measured response"?? What is the purpose of this exactly?


Lady Emily
"DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable"


Nopasaran
& when those accusations are made, there is almost always never a way to say "i didn't do this". Basically it's a way of removing inconvenient trans women.


Kevin
she's not inconvenient, she's an abuser


Amanda Hootman
how many trans women are an acceptable price to pay so that vivian can be the e-celeb she wants to be?


One Stop Pop Culture
it wasn’t hundreds or thousands of people - it was 4 women, 3 of which are trans, 2 of which are women of color.


Mainely Mandy
Seconding what Kevin said


Amanda Hootman
apologizing was always an option


Amanda Hootman
this is just an extension of her abuse


Nopasaran
@Mainely Mandy She said she's taking time off to work on proving her innocence.


Amanda Hootman
she made this video to cause distress to her victims


Nader Nabil
@Nopasaran Thank you for context.


Mainely Mandy
@Nopasaran Yeah so why release this at all? Its not a response. This could have been a post


Amanda Hootman
@Mainely Mandy can't monetize a post


Mainely Mandy
@Amanda Hootman exactly


Nopasaran
@Nader Nabil ur welcome


Mainely Mandy
Well this was a waste of time


Nopasaran
@Mainely Mandy I dunno about much of this. I'm just a fan of hers. isnt she about to be evicted?


Mainely Mandy
Hope everyone takes care of themselves


Kevin
wtf?


Mainely Mandy
Please read the victims' accounts


Nader Nabil
I don't think these videos you mentioned were monetized. I didn't get any ads


Derpy
Unfortunately, since most of us are stuck in our rooms so apart from the affected/involved people, the only thing we can do to help online is de-escalate and reach out to people who are being attacked


Derpy
Eventually people local to those affected will be able to directly help.


One Stop Pop Culture
vivian is the one escalating tho.


Derpy
Mmm-hmm! But Vivian is someone invovled, yeah? Or are you invovled too? Did i miss that context? :(


VivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad04ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad05ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad06ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad07ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad08ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad09ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpgVivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad10ChatIsntBuyingIt.jpg

Here is Aranock's thread on Bsky where he takes offense to the cooptation of the gender cult's most sacred text Hot Allostatic Load:

Coopting hot allostatic load to defend actual abuse is the scummiest behaviour of all time and as a trans woman and abuse survivor I lack the words to adequately express my absolute disgust at that.


Anyway abusers often tell on themselves, if you are reading this I want you to know that people werent maliciously talking behind your back but that your own words made myself and several others both concerned and weary. You trying to poison the well for your victims is what made people suspicious.



AranockBskyCooptingHotAllostaticLoad.jpg
AranockBskyCooptingHotAllostaticLoad01.jpg


Here's what I suspect Vivian Strange gonna do in a future video, assuming he ever gets to it: He's going to show DMs where he's being a good, listening, supportive, non-judgemental friend to Jane, Elaine, Aziel and especially Lola. Perhaps he will show a couple of private Discord messages where Lola is disclosing all sorts of TMI sex stuff (things she fantasizes about, things she's curious about, things she'd like to do but feels reluctant to, whatever it was they were talking about, maybe it was Lola herself who once told Vivian that she would like "to experience all the things that the PTSD has stolen from me", as in the conclusion to Hot Allostatic Load) and Vivian being a good friend by not judging her for her queries or disclosures (which were probably very mundane and innocent to a seasoned degenerate like himself), and in fact encouraging her to get over the mental barriers that are keeping her from exploring whatever she is curious about. Maybe not as boorishly as Vivian did in the message to the mutual where Vivian was calling Lola a "bitch" who just needs to get over her rape trauma already, but something more "diplomatic" that was meant to coax Lola out of her shell. Basically, Vivian telling Lola a million times that the world is her oyster in DMs. See what a good friend he was? He will hold this up as evidence that he wasn't being sexually coercive but the very opposite, he was being sexually supportive towards her, and that she's misconstruing his unwavering support for her due to having the most uncharitable interpretation of these once welcomed exchanges in retrospect. However, what did Vivian threaten do with all this knowledge he had about Lola's inner world? He weaponized it to get her to relent to his sexual advances. He threatened to leak it all wholesale online to shame her. And before that, if I am understanding Lola's testimony correctly, Vivian had already implicitly threatened to contact Tali to make it seem like Lola was cheating and being unfaithful to Tali by discussing TMI things with Vivian ("She accused me of leading her on, of playing a “‘who, me?’ ingenue bullshit” persona, of keeping secret feelings for her from my girlfriend").

Is this what you do to someone you claim to have"loved deeply"?

VBecauseILoveYouAndIWantToSetYouFree.jpg


Edit: Tali on X pointed out that the green blue flag with the red chakra in the background behind Vivian is the Romani flag:

You may be thinking about making a video about how you didn't sexually assault a romani woman's girlfriend. Here's what you don't do: buy a big fuckoff romni flag and stick it in the background cause you're claiming you're a real gypsy now you filthy craven fucking waido cunt

Archived: https://ghostarchive.org/archive/qgMqO

the video was great she literally spent the first two minutes saying she didn't sexually assault my girlfriend or any of the other accusers and the remaining 38 minutes just reading out Hot Allostatic Load


This is an Anti Hot Allostatic Load Aktion account. The sentiment is good but the essay itself is almost exclusively used by the worst, most abusive and sexually coercive trans women you've ever met


HotAllostaticLoadRomaniFlag.jpg


I've got a mini-me and she doesn't even have my hot voice, I feel cheated


This motherfucker was trying to intercontinentally eternal sunshine of the spotless mind me


OK, so I have to correct myself: predatory AGPs not only wrap themselves in the transflag to commit abuse, they'll wrap themselves in the Romani flag also.
 
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The Strange Butterfly House becomes The Murder Hornets' Nest - Vivian locks up his Instagram account - Lola & The Leftist Cooks suggest therapy :optimistic:- Over at the Ghaza Diaries channel, a non-gore compilation of Renad Attallah's cooking videos

I noticed that Vivian has changed the thumbnail of his Hot Allostatic Load video. Originally, the thumbnail was a picture of a TV on fire with the dingbat of the hornet crawling over the Youtube logo:

VivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoad.jpg


The new thumbnail is bathed in blue:

VivianStrangeHotAllostaticLoadNewThumbnail.jpg


Lola on Bsky posted this video by Vivian's former supporters The Leftist Cooks on the topic of restorative justice:


Now, it's my opinion that the only people who reject the carceral system and think restorative justice will fix the problem of crime are the kind of people who are naive about the nature of crime and have never met a real fucking monster that left nothing but a trail of devastation in its wake. Things like serial killers do not exist in the world of the Leftist Cooks, multi-millionaire Mafia crime bosses of a global network of hired assassins don't exist, neither do people who torture and rape dozens of children on the darkweb for years. I find it hard to believe that the Leftist Cooks have apparently lived such sheltered lives that they've never come across an unrepentant monster that they too wanted to put away behind bars forever and throw away the key. I was curious about the video though, which to my surprise featured Jane reading a quote, but I could barely make it through because of all the cringe SJW woke virtue signaling nonstop (literally spending minutes explaining a fucking joke about royal land ownership in the UK because how this joke might offend Native Americans, JFC), but this part is OK:


Please don't rationalize inaction or hopelessness for everyone just because that's the logical extension of your own resistance to helping yourself.

Other than this, the video was like 5 or 6 individual videos crammed into a long one, which should've been posted as individual videos, but I guess even the Leftist Cooks know that AdSense pays better money for longer videos. Midway it suddenly turned into a hitpiece on The Queen (I guess that's the only way they can keep their audience watching a 2+ hour video), so I clicked away the tab and thanked my AdBlocker. Cos I really really wonder how on earth the same guy who posted this rapey shit about The Queen being a "TSonFMcumslut" who went on to sexually abuse every single of his best friends, like, how did that ever happen?!

IfYourEmpathyForSAVictimsDoesntExtendToAllWomenItsMeaningless.jpg


Oh, I get it, this kind of rapey shit was OK when Vivian was being rapey towards The Queen. It starts with lèse-majesté of The Queen, which all of these idiots cheered on, then moves on to rapey of all the ex-friends, then to actual rape (which you know is what would've happened if Lola stepped into that bed). If your empathy for the victims of SA doesn't extend to all victims of SA, including The Queen who is also a survivor, then it's meaningless. #MeTooUnlessUrAJew

Anyways, my impression after watching the Leftist Cooks is that BreadTube videos are just as trash as I remembered them back when I was still active in the BreadTube thread on KiwiFarms. No thanks.

I get why Lola posted this video though, but she really shouldn't get her hopes up. Here's what Vivian posted on his now deleted Xitter account on the topic of therapy:

To answer with my own wildly unpopular opinion that the sole purpose of "therapy" under capitalism is to help you cope juuuust enough for you to choose to go to work instead of offing yourself - Vivian Strange on therapy

VivianImTooComplexForTherapistsTroonTropes.jpg


Vivian doesn't want a psychiatrist, he wants to be the psychiatrist: Dr Strange with an Honorary Doctorate in Psychopharmacology:

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Here's Dr. Strange sharing the fruits of his Honorary Psychopharmacology degree on Letterboxd:

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To conclude, as long as Vivian Strange is a drug addict he will continue to abuse drugs to stuff his feelings over anything else he could be doing instead. Do you think that's Vivian himself crying during the Hot Allostatic Load, or whatever drugs he took that morning?

Vivian has also locked up his Instagram account:

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I am glad Vivian is taking some time off social media and Youtube, maybe he will finally get around to actually watching all these Palestinian movies he put in his Letterboxd watch list just to virtue signal without ever actually watching them:

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I have actually already seen 5 Broken Cameras, it's pretty good.

Over at his other Youtube channel for the Ghaza Diaries, Vivian posted a compilation for once that isn't gore, but is a Palestinian child cooking local food in the midst of a war, unpacking aid packages, volunteering at a food bank, shopping for food, and giving war updates:

Chef Renad's Cookbook: Made the Gazan Way

Though I highly doubt the Amerimutt has ever tasted any of this food himself (I recognize a good deal of it)

56 views Nov 3, 2024
Renad Attallah is a 10yo Palestinian child living through the ongoing genocide in Gaza. Though she and her people live in constant fear and mortal danger, surrounded by death and devastation for nearly 400 days, Renad shares her passion for cooking on Instagram, making recipes "the Gazzan Way," proving with her abundant cheer, humor, and joy that the Palestinian spirit cannot be extinguished.

The Gaza Diaries is committed to documenting this holocaust through social media as extensively as possible, and that can't be limited solely to journalistic coverage of the Zionist occupation's most brutal cruel and grisly war crimes. Equally important (if not more so) is the documented realities of Palestinian life under genocide, the ways that Palestinians live love and resist in spite of the terrorist colonizer state that wishes them all dead.

This will be our first collection documenting the social media coverage of Gaza's child content creators. The first PM of the Zionist entity calling itself "Israel" once said of Palestine: "The old will die and the young will forget." Let this stay on the historical record as indisputable proof that while the old may die, the children of Palestine will never EVER forget. And let this record be a promise that the rest of us will remember as well.

DISCLAIMER: the editors of The Gaza Diaries do not make any money whatsoever on the work we publish; none of these collections are monetized in any way; furthermore, this document is intended as a historical record, not "content" to be consumed, and most certainly not a substitute for actually following and supporting Renad's work on Instagram. We insist that viewers follow this creator's social media accounts and, if they are feeling inclined to give material support, to donate to Renad's fundraising links.
 
BREAKING: VIVIAN STRANGE THREATENS TO "SPILL THE TEA" IN A COUPLE OF HOURS - "I'm done" Livestream incoming.

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@ihavedemons Vivian Strange is going to do Livestream in a couple of hours, threatening to "spill the tea" in the thumbnail of the stream:

[renamed to] the end of Vivian Strange

Original stream: the Departure of Vivian Strange

a talk about The News and What To Do Moving Forwards, as well as one last attempt to use my platform to save my family from eviction:
 
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Vivian, if you're reading this, please don't hurt yourself. Stop and take a second. Go offline and talk to someone IRL.

I just did a Google Search for the last 24 hours to see in anything had triggered this sudden Livestream from Vivian, because I had a bad feeling about it... and I discovered that the Livestream was originally and more ominously titled "the death of Vivian Strange"?!

Vivian has since changed the title to "the departure of Vivian Strange", but this was the original title of the stream the way Google captured it 4 hours ago:

TheDeathOfVivianStrange01.jpg


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Vivian, if you're reading this, please don't hurt yourself.
Please stop and take a second.
Please, go offline RIGHT NOW and reach out to someone you can talk to IRL.

You said you were going to leave Youtube until the end of the year.

You announcing a "spill the tea" Livestream at such short notice, one that you originally titled "the death of Vivian Strange", this really sounds like an impulse thing done in anger and pain.

I don't know if you decided to do this Livestream because you have been re-reading your past DMs with former friends during happier times and this re-reading of the DMs broke something in you.

I want you to know that I personally get no Schadenfreude whatsoever from watching you cry in your Hot Allostatic Load video. It's palpable that you're shocked at your former friends speaking out against you. You break down crying repeatedly while reading that essay because you feel an overwhelming, crushing sense of abandonment. You feel discarded and disposable.

But really, would your former friends have given you all these chances to change and improve if they only saw you as "human trash" they could easily discard?

When I read their testimonies, I do not feel like your friends just casually discarded you. Quite the opposite, I get a sense of how hard it was for your friends to reach the decision to speak out against you... because they still cared about you, even as they had already distanced themselves from you. I get the impression that your friends were truly at their wit's end with you when they decided to speak out.

Remember: your former friends became your friends because they did see something precious in you. Whether you were someone they admired or someone they lusted after, you were someone they valued. They express how conflicted they feel about their past friendships with you, because they recognize that you're a person with gifts and talents, but instead of highlighting and honing your gifts, you choose to wallow in your destructive all-consuming anger and envy of others.

In HAL there's a part where Porpentine says that people should let transfemmes fail the way a regular person is allowed to fail and rehabilitated. Your friends did allow you to fail. There is a path towards rehabilitation, but you don't want it. You don't want the reciprocity of accountability, and that is truly regrettable.

I know you think I am a heartless gender fascist who hates all troons, but I do have a baseline human empathy towards you, no matter how much you hate me or how much I fundamentally disagree with you. Because I too can see that you are suffering. However, as Jane said in I Wish I Were A Camera: "You are hurting, but you are hurting yourself."

You announcing your intent to do a Livestream where you enact "the death/departure of Vivian Strange" sounds like yet another ritual of self-hurt.

I wish there was someone I could reach out to, someone whom (unlike me) you do respect enough to actually listen to, but I don't know anyone so I'm going to put your e-mail address here, as well as Serafina's address, hoping that someone else will see this and reach out to both of you to hopefully talk you out of whatever it is you're planning to do.

my.strange.butterfly@gmail.com

seragogy94@gmail.com

It saddens me greatly that I am the one who has to do this here on the forum, because you've alienated so many people away from you, and your Discord sycophants just want to see more drama.

Vivian, please take care and don't hurt yourself.
 
"Trivial unimportant bullshit" - Transcript of Vivian's departure Livestream

Edit:
this is the full Livestream

[renamed to] the end of Vivian Strange

Vivian privated the Livesteam, so here's my (incomplete) transcript:

I am being
- bad faith mischaracterization
- classism and transmisogyny
- This conflict is nothing more than petty interpersonal drama
- no restorative justice
- public cancellation
- falsely accused of abuse
- coming on the tail end of over a year of being whisper-networked (don't worry, I'll get to the rest of you)
- It is nothing more than interpersonal relationship drama
- It's stupid, honestly
- I could right now absolutely destroy my accusers' lives with records I have with all of our Discord chat logs and other various chat logs
- the actual nature of my relationship to these folks is clear as day
- I was gonna Hbomberguy it with a big giant expose
- I have decided to be the adult in the situation and not do that
- It's not worthy of my time and intention and energy. I have many more important things than waste time making some giant drama video to destroy the lives of people I have loved very deeply, very sincerely
- Main reason I am not making that video is because making it will unavoidably mean exposing the toxicity of their problematic relationships, and I don't see a way of doing that that won't absolutely destroy their lives and careers
- The younger trans partners and "exploitees" being Elaine, Aziel and Lola's GF Tali
- Even though Jane and Lola are awful people who tried to do the same to me, I refuse to crucify other transpeople
- How utterly stupid our interpersonal drama ever got blown up at all into a spectacle like this at all.
- re: Aziel
My wife and I. Impoverished transfemme in Florida we were led to believe an abusing household. We were not well prepared, their relocation was presented as a great urgency. I do not apologize for this and would do it again. We conducted regular check-ins, every time she affirmed she was OK. It's disappointing to learn that she was lying to our faces My most cynical self tells me that their whole purpose in coming was an attempt by she and Jane to catch me acting objectionably to set me up with this cancellation spectacle.

- I was myself a transkid wanting to escape the south under the influence of an older toxic transwoman. Aziel you're forgiven. You owe Serafina a big fucking apology still.
That's all I have to say to the masses regarding Aziel.

- Re: Lola

Wider context. At the end of their communique said something about me targeting Youtubers, something like that. The thing about that is, this is a job. Something I repeat very often. This is an industry that we're working in here. What I do, regardless of how well it pays me - which has been shit, consistently - this is a job that I take seriously and I always have. This has led creators like Jane and Lola have gotten criticism for it, one such example is I started a Patreon as soon I started making videos. Apparently that's not something one does, apparently you have to wait until you have a big enough following, and then you start a Patreon, apparently that's convention, from the beginning I'm treating this like ajob. We're a facet of the entertainment industrial complex, this is entertainment. For anyone who doesn't know, the entertainment industry, 90% of the job is networking. Success does not correlate with talent, it does not correlated with merit, but who you know and whom you can get to support you. Earlier on from 2022 or so, I started interacting with creators on social media. I started befriending people and making connections. If you're a Youtuber, then other YTers are your colleagues, they are potential collaborators. Yes, I have tried to make friends with as many YTers as I can, because this is how one succeeds in this job. This is a job, it always has been.

I was told that, how was it phrased, I will not put the intermediaries of this clusterfuck on blast. The Google Doc was intended.

It was apparently intended for a circle of Youtubers.
Lola had been whisper-networking me for a while before any of this.
They've probably taken it down, I hope so, that would be nice.
But like, the reason I am addressing it at all, is because, well one, is it extremely fucked up to do this kind of make this public spectacle out of falsely accusing a transwoman of shit she did not do, shit I did not to, in order to sabotage my career, my life, my relationships, etc. And I feel compelled to address that. It didn't have to be like that.
Is anything in the Doc true at all?

Let's me just go over the context of my relationships with these people.

So, Lola, I approached Lola late 2021 through social media, I just started chatting. The way... the way her GF described it, what she did to meet Lola before, was "reply guy-ing her way into Lola's DMs". I'm a professional and making connections is good for business. Ironically befriending Lola turned out to be the most damaging thing to my career, how's that for irony. With her, I wanted to be her friend because, I saw her content. I liked it, we're into the same things and we also live near each other. I was really wanting in-person friends at the time, cos I didn't have very many at the time. So I thought, fuck yeah, friends! I like friends!

Because we were incredibly lonely people and unexpectedly compatible as friends and even prospective housemates for a time, we got very very emotionally close. Far closer than I imagine she ever conveyed to her girlfriend. The word that would most accurately describe what we had is queer platonic. That was established from very early on.

I understand non-normative human relationships, the most accurate word to describe us is "queer platonic".

This is me just ending all this.
Me and Lola got very very very close. I could go on and on about it, suffice to say that it was established very early on, that I wasn't romantically interested in her, I didn't want anything more than just being friends or collaborators, I made that clear multiple times. those are receipts I would be more than willing to share. I articulate things very clearly, so yeah, it was established from very early on.


The day in particular that things fell to shit, was my birthday October 13th 2023. Friday the 13th, of course! We were working tech for a show at her mom's theater. It was a job I was getting paid for, one that she got me fired from, immediately, after the night of the 13th. Essentially, we were gonna do the show together and then I was gonna stay over at her place the whole weekend, and we were just gonna hang out and watch horror movies.

But that day in particular, things...
the way her GF Tali coarsely framed it multiple times on social media, was that I, quote, tried to fuck her, which did not happen, not even close. I have never tried to fuck Lola Sebastian. It's a very embarrassing thing to have to say but fuck it, y'all put me in this position.

All of this could've been resolved through communication. What I was actually trying to do that night was... what happened was that I just tried to start a conversation with her... that day was very tense and weird because the conversations, in particular on that day, Lola mentioned relationship anarchy, that was the subject of discussion that day. Because she had brought it up multiple times, she was was the one starting these conversations BTW, talking about her and Tali, whom she is monogamous with across a trans-atlanic relationship.


She kept bringing up the subject of relationship anarchy because it was something that I had mentioned in the past when we talked about non-monogamy and relationships and whatnot. Stuff we talked about frequently, which was just as much her as me. Basically, that day, on my birthday, she brought it up multiple times, as it related to her and her GF. I swear, we were living the theater, I even have the timeline, at shortly before 23:00. I think we got McDonalds? On that drive back to the house she was literally talking about RA and the possibility of her and her GF dating other people. We got back to her place, and, like, it was vague, it was all very vague and theoretical. We got back to her place, just tense, tension, bad energy, I could tell something was really upsetting her.
And I'm the type that, I'm not gonna let you spend time with me, I'm not gonna let you hang out with me if you are upset, like visibly, palpably upset, and you will not tell me why. Like, I'm not going to sit there and hand out with you and pretend that everything is OK when you're obviously upset even though you will not tell me why you're upset.
So, that's the most I did. I was like, hey, you have something on your mind, if it's what you've been talking about all day, yeah, what's going on, what are we? Because, as I said, our relationship was a lot closer than she apparently framed it to anybody else, especially her GF. It was a reasonable line of questioning. It was a conversation she was not and did not want to have. So much so that she started freaking out. She freaked out, ran. I went out, I was like, break! Break-time! This is not going to be a productive conversation. I'm gonna go outside and smoke. I come back in and she had locked herself in her dad's room and sent him to take him home.
Next morning, Tali is tweeting that I tried to fuck her GF. And yeah, that did not happen.
As I have learned in the year since then, that she Lola accused me of sexual coercion.
Um yeah, that did not happen, like, at all.

So yeah, basically she tried crying rape on me, for the most callous possible way, then she whisper-networked me to many YTers this past year. I thought it was for my outspoken advocacy for Palestine, and um, what I have been doing for the cause of Palestine. And yeah, she poisoned the well with me, with several leftist YTers who then cut me off. No word, no anything, they didn't try talking to me. Oh, and after that night, and a brief exchange the next morning, after that Lola has not talked to me since, not even a little bit. She has used fellow trans creators like Lily Alexander as mouthpieces to tell me she's not whisper-networking me, she is not trying to cancel me. Lola contacted my wife Serafina the night before releasing the document and told her she's not trying to cancel Vivian, yada yada. Like, yeah. Which was a lie, because the next morning they released that fucking thing.

A brief thank you to

That was the deal with Lola, lying about me trying to sexual coerce her or violate her in any way. We were, the use I would use is queer platonic, because I understand that relationships are nuanced and complicated. Didn't fucking do that. I could unambiguously, I have all of my conversations histories with these people going back over 2 years, and the truth is plain as day. But I am not going to make a big Hbomberguy to put them on blast crucify them, to destroy their lives and careers like they did to me. I'm not gonna do that to other trans people.

And when I mention transmisogyny, that's a big part of it.
BreadTube has frozen me out, it is in no small part because I am a loud, angry, non-normative transfemme with... transmisoginy is a very nasty thing and people assume the worst. All sisters know what I'm talking about! They... I am a loud, angry radical queer who does not try to blend in, does not try to adhere to any sort of respectability. And I will be keeping this up.

Point is, I am not gonna put my relationship with Jane on blast, either, because, again... I did say at the beginning of this that I am not taking questions, this is me clearing the air trying to pave the way about more important things.

It's stupid interpersonal bullshit that could've easily been resolved and talked through and all that, very easily, on a person to person level and communicating like adults, instead of acting like fucking children. So this is me being the adult, the states are too high, I am not wasting my time and attention on this anymore. If they wanted to get me off of Youtube, they have succeeded in getting me off of Youtube. To answer the first person, I am quitting YT. It's not just because of this. Because, as anyone who has been following me, I hate this, being a public figure, being famous. Oh yeah, and my "delusions of grandeur" that they talked about? No. No. Because, the thing is, we /are/ famous. I have over 6 and half thousand people subscribed to me on YT. That is too many people a number he cannot wrap our heads around. Jane is 17k? 3 fucking times bigger than what I have. Lola is I think in the 70 thousands? Point is, yeah, we're famous, we have influence. The difference between them and me is, I don't say this as an arrogance thing "look at me, I'm famous bitch". I do this as a recognition of the fact that I am a public figure who has influence. I have seen in my comment section, the influence I had. I have had people all over the world tell me directly how much of an impact my silly videos have had on them. I have power and I recognize that I have power. Lola and Jane do not. In fact a lot of people, a lot of Youtubers. Like I said earlier, this a job, the numbers matter. Anyone of them will say "it's not about clout" but no, it is, it 100% is. There is no job or economic incentive to interact or form connection with creators who are smaller than you in terms of numbers. The numbers fucking matter.

Specifically as far as Jane and Lola go, I am responsible and conscious with my platform, I am ware of the responsibility I have because of that. I have always been upfront about that. I have a very solid realistic grasp in how I fit into this Entertainment Industrial Complex shitsite that is YT. I know the influence i could have on younger viewers. YTers in general? Shitty people. That's the thing about being entertainers under capitalism. The industry, we are incentivized to be worse people, our job is to influence people, to entertain. Our job is to get people to fall in love with us so they give us attention and pay us money. That's what the game. But it's a game and an industry I do not want a part anymore. Not only does it bring out the worst in me. Even though I have made an impact, I don't like what it costs. Even this cancellation, I got cut out from every body, frozen out from everybody, and just the level of pressure and stress, it made my wife sick. Having to take time off from work sick for weeks. If that's a reality of what doing this job entails, I don't want it. I am also sick of playing the game and having to...

The only reason I am doing this stream is to fund raise. They're not worthy of an full-blown expose for their childishness. I'm just doing this to get enough traffic to see the GFM and to get enough of the relatively little we need. I got a new job and it does no pay great and it has been not able to pay me in a timely manner, things have been very difficult in the past couple of months.

None of them are people I actually want to hear from, but yeah. Whatever.
If Lola ever wants to talk, you know where to find me, at least, until I get evicted. So, we'll see.

I am quitting Youtube, I hate the game, I hate 90% of the people on here, other creators. My audience, have been pretty great, You have exceeded my expectations. Thank you to everybody who has supported me and helped me get the following that I have accrued. But yeah, so...

Leftube is a joke and leftists online. People on the internet who call themselves leftists are a joke,. There is no community here. We have cliques and clout chasers.
We have people who make multiple hour long videos about harm and restorative justice and things like that, and then them being the most prominent people to just believe the worst about a transwoman off of vague accusations, without any proof whatsoever. Neal and Sarah, yeah, y'all should sit with that.

What's next for me? In person direct

Now that all the pieces of shit making up Leftube have been named for good measure.
Also Emily, you wanna see? Any mutuals who want to see me prove this, if any people want proof, I have no qualms about showing y'all that.

And regarding the work I've done for Palestine can eat a big fat dick and tell me that to my face. Anyone whose opinion matters, actual Palestinians and Arabs I've talked to has expressed nothing but appreciation and gratitude so fuck y'all I am not apologizing for what I've done for Palestine. Everyone's willingness to cancel me and tear me down at the drop a hat? People got killed and assassinated for doing this kind of shit. So fuck you naysayers, your attempts to cancel me and silence me? You're doing the Zionist occupation's work them. So suck on that.

Also Emily, I think we're stil connected on Discord. Y'all not know how blocking works there? You never approached me, you never talked to me. None of you people: Sarah, Neal, Lily, Emily. None of you even approached me. None of you asked for my side of the story. Leftists on this site are a fucking joke.

So, Trump is in office again.

I am getting off you not because some children decided to cancel me over nothing because we have more important things to be doing now. Liberal complacency is over. We need to act now. Get the fuck off social media, get off Youtube. Even the handful of you making videos, even the most radical of us on YT are just what the people doing real action are listening to in the background.

I was gonna do it after a big video destroying everybody and setting this site on fire before peacing out.

These big people, they're in my DMs, so if they have shit to say, they can fucking say it to me one on one like adults. Fuck this spectacle market, fuck this attention economy, fuck Youtube.

It's still very deeply affecting me, instead of waiting until the end of the year, keeping everyone on suspense for months, I am just finishing this now, and closing this chapter of my life. I am organizing a tenants' union. I facilitated a meeting last night with a few dozen people. I felt more alive and like I was doing something meaningful, just doing last night. And yeah, this website is play pen for adult children to - half of everything of this site is us rolling around in our own shit then complaining how bad everyone smells.

Arm yourselves, I am not kidding, There is a war happening. We had 4 year to play around and pretend it's OK, It's not. If you're trans, arm yourself.

3) Get off social media, not just because it makes up worse people and destroys our souls. Because all the social media sites they are owned by fascists. It's a matter of self-preservation, because your data and information is not safe.
Youtube is a waste of time. Entertainment.

Name changes, passports, IDs. Get that shit straightened out.

I was there in 2016. I was a 22 year old at the lowest point in her life, I was fed on by a predatory trans partner. I was powerless and helpless before when this happened.

5) Find in person community. Online and long distance relationships are degrees of satisfying. But when it comes down to it, you need to have an in-person community in your immediate physical reality. We are defined by our material conditions. Those are what we need to be doing right now.

6) Climate crisis preparations. These apocalyptic climate disaster are going to keep happening like a clockwork, any months every week and you need to be prepared. Have emergency plan, have your shit stocked up. Your plans, strategy, that is what you need right now.

People do need me, but the people who need me are the woman sitting in the next room, the cats running around here. Persons in my in-person community. They are the people I am the most equipped to help. I am just a person. I cannot do anything for you here. I cannot help your life. I cannot save you. You understand, no one is.

"I am quitting Youtube but i am making that second and final de Sade video. Recent events have made it even more relevant. I don't wanna give a timeline because I don't wanna make commitments I can't meet."

I am shutting down the Strange Butterfly Discord server.

I do want to do a stream just for Patrons sometimes between now and the end of year.

I have an unfinished I Saw The TV Glow video.
I do still have stuff that I could put out.
So there are still some perks of continuing to be a Patron.

Also, I talk shit about other creators not nearly as much as I could, but I'm gonna be the adult. I don't want anybody to give any of them shit. Please actually just leave them alone. The best way take away our power and get to us, ignore us. Targeting people in any way only empowers them, so don't give them any matter.

Individuals don't fucking matter, the people on here don't fucking matter. I think that's all I'm gonna do for this.

Thanks for coming out.
I can do a more planned out, official retirement stream just for Patrons. I think that's something I'm gonna do. I'll get emotional and wistful about things when the audience size is a little smaller. and yeah.

We're not alone.
All we have is each other
The only thing that matters is people.
We're all on the same side here.
 
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Bifurcated reality: Vivian renames "the departure of Vivian Strange" Livestream into "the end of Vivian Strange" & nukes all the comments - The Leftist Cooks replied to Vivian but he ignored their comment after making it the featured comment, then nuking it. - My response to Vivian's retelling of events: how you treat your best friends is never "stupid interpersonal bullshit"

Thus we wake up to a new day, where reality and history have yet again been bifurcated. Vivian did a Livestream where he wanted to clear the air by refusing to address any of the accusations leveled at him by Jane and Elaine and only barely scratched the surface with Aziel, only to speculate that Aziel was sent over by Jane just to catch Vivian being inappropriate. So Vivian is basically claiming that Jane would knowingly endanger a younger troon and send him into the hornets' nest just to get the scoop on Vivian.

When it comes to Vivian's relationship to Lola, here's where things really go off-kilter. Vivian tells a radically different version of his relationship as well as his eventual confrontation with Lola. It even takes place at a completely different location in his retelling.

Vivian goes into the beginnings of his reach out to Lola and insists that his interest in Lola was only professional at first, that he only befriended her because "that's how the Youtube game is played, through networking". But then they were surprised at how compatible they were, so they struck up a friendship because they were both lonely. Vivian describes this friendship as "queer platonic", which is weird because Vivian said he doesn't believe in the difference between platonic and romantic relationship, so why is he even using a term he doesn't believe in? I said in my close reading of Lola's testimony that it sounded to me like Vivian wanted to be "fuckbuddies"/"friends-with-benefits" with Lola. I think those are, perhaps more crude but, way more accurate terms for what Vivian actually had in mind with Lola than any semblance of the word "platonic". Vivian's interest in Lola was always necessarily sexual as well as professional.

Vivian claims that Lola had a lot of questions about polyamory/non-monogamy and that she would bring up this topic more often than he did, implying that it was Lola who made him talk about polyamory to her. I already intuited something like that, but I don't think it's fair for Vivian to hold this against Lola, because the fact is that he's much older and more experienced with non-committal sex than Lola is. It thus only follows that questions regarding non-monogamy would go one way from Lola to Vivian. It's not like Vivian has any interest in monogamy and wanted to know how monogamous make that work (imagine that, Vivian having an interest in the lives of others...). I do suspect that a lot of what Vivian claims was "toxic relationship dynamics" he witnessed in his friends, were in reality just young people trying to make their first relationships work and stumbling along the way. AFAIK Vivian has never experienced a single normal monogamous relationship, because he admitted on a Livestream that he has always been a manslut who "went from bed to bed" the moment a relationship wasn't going the way he wanted it to, even before he trooned out and became more consciously and intentionally non-monogamous. Vivian doesn't know what it's like to be in a committed monogamous relationship, so for him, just watching two people try to make their relationship work feels "toxic" and "oppressive" because of his own commitment issues. Any type of commitment probably seems "toxic" to Vivian, who feels no commitment to anyone or anything.

Vivian alleges that Lola wanted to open up her monogamous relationship with Tali, and that Tali was unaware of this hidden desire in Lola, which she supposedly kept secret from Tali only to place her doubts and questions about it before Vivian. This is Vivian weaponizing something that Lola told him in confidence only to twist it and suggest that Lola wanted to cheat on Tali, when that's clearly not the case, as Lola had told Vivian that she wanted to marry Tali. Vivian also alludes to Tali not knowing just how close Vivian and Lola actually were, which could mean anything and IMO is just Vivian wallowing in innuendo for the sake of intrigue.

Vivian's telling of his final confrontation with Lola is very different from hers. Lola claims that the confrontation happened at a "gig", which I took to mean a "music gig" because Lola alluded on Bsky to having been a musician prior to becoming a Youtuber. While browsing her videos I saw that some of the earlier ones were cover versions of pop songs, so I assumed she was a musician or something. In Vivian's version, the confrontation happened at Lola's house after work, at the onset of a planned weekend sleepover for Vivian's birthday during which they were going to watch horror movies. In Lola's version, Vivian confronts Lola with his sexual arousal for her, accusing her of "driving him crazy" and provoking his erections with the way she dresses (sexistAF POS). In Vivian's version he never confronts her with his arousal but is only expressing concern at her being tense around him and bringing up polyamory a lot. In Lola's version, she runs away from Vivian's throbbing ladyboner to the bathroom and locks herself up inside what I assumed was a stall at the gig. In Vivian's version, Lola locks herself up inside her father's room at her house after Vivian goes outside for a smoke to calm himself down. In Lola's version, she claims to be intoxicated at the gig while Vivian confronts her. In Vivian's version no one is intoxicated. THB, the two very different retellings make wonder whether such confrontations were regular occurrences between them, and Vivian is perhaps remembering a different one from Lola or mixing two different instances up. Anyways, Vivian didn't get that transbian birthday blowjob with a side of splatter he was apparently anticipating from Lola. Instead, he claims Lola got him fired from his paid job at a Lola's mom's theater. This should give you another idea of just how badly Lola wanted to offer her best friend a shot at normalcy and a productive existence, even getting him a paid job at her mom's place. Vivian insists that Tali is wrong in claiming that Vivian wanted to fuck Lola, but I think it's obvious what Vivian's hardly "professional" intentions were. Why else is Vivian wallowing in innuendo, suggesting there was more to his "queer platonic" relationship to Lola than Tali knows?


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With regards to Lola's interest in polyamory, I would encourage people to have a look at this video, and I would especially encourage Vivian to have a look at this, because this video perfectly demonstrates how controversial this topic is amongst zoomers as opposed to millennials like Evie Lupine (the BDSM Youtuber who made this video):


I'm sure that Vivian, upon watching this video (which I hope he will do) will side with Evie, but I rather would like for him to at least acknowledge how negatively polyamory is perceived amongst Lola's set, and how this might have led to Lola asking him so many questions about it. If Vivian is telling the truth and Lola was actually pondering non-monogamy for herself and Tali, then she was literally preparing to go against a prevailing negative sentiment amongst her progressive peers, namely that non-monogamy is classist, racist and elitist and that poor people actually crave stability and certainty of a monogamous relationship. (I know Vivian is gonna say, "but I am poor/marginal and I do it!", but again, this was likely only another another reason for Lola to reach out to him with her questions.)

With regards to Serafina being sick and unable to work as a result of the Google Doc, I bet he is. Serafina was just confronted with Vivian's contempt for him through Vivian's best friends being make to be silent witnesses to that contempt and taking-for-grantedness of Serafina. I bet one of the many reasons behind making the Google Doc public was to warn Serafina about Vivian. I bet the strain of the sheer amounts of cognitive dissonance it now takes to be Vivian Strange's trauma bonded co-dependent "wife" is finally getting to him. Vivian telling Aziel that he needs to apologize to Serafina is really rich given the things that Vivian himself apparently told his friends about Serafina behind his back, while also barring his friends from meeting Serafina so they could inform him personally about how Vivian was discussing their relationship behind his back.

To conclude, I don't think what we're seeing here is just "stupid interpersonal bullshit". How you treat your best friends and partners is actually very important and does reflect upon you as a person. I don't think that people expecting you to respect their boundaries, even as they are trying to figure out what or where these are, is "bullshit".

Here are some of the comments that people have already left under the Livestream before Vivian nuked the comment section and all the comments along with it:

VivianStrangeDepartureLSCommentsDidntDoIt.jpg


I will say this Vivian, I and many others unfollowed you LONG before we ever heard anything about these very credible accusations. We did so because you were behaving in manipulative, aggressive & dishonest ways on Twitter. Your attitude was toxic & abrasive & i simply didn’t want to be associated with that.
I believe easier that you were acting similarly in your personal relationships, than I would believe everyone around you is lying to destroy your “career”.

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This comment from TheLeftistCooks was the highlighted comment when I screengrabbed it, which means Vivian himself read this and highlighted it before the nuked the comment section along with this comment:

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@TheLeftistCooks
3 hours ago
So if we're to understand this correctly, here's your story:


You believe that four separate vulnerable trans people who didn't know each other outside of their connection to you have coordinated with the sole aim of stopping you from making YouTube videos?


And you would prove that - in some Hbomberguy cool awesome video - except you're too mature


You are insistent that you need and deserve charity from a viewership of vulnerable people who have many vying crises crying out for their limited resources.


You maintain that you really are "about to get evicted" even though you've already raised 11,000 dollars to fix that very situation.


And you are mad at people for believing a credible victim statement.


You're mad at a community of creators who you admit you were never really friends with, you just were cynically networking for more clout.


And you're mad at victims for "crying r*pe" even though that's an astonishingly dangerous position to hold in response to any statement, and the statement itself went to great lengths to give the full context of every interaction.


And if anyone thinks that you reposting other people's material is unethical or shady that they can "eat a big dick" and/or "say it to your face"?


Oh and you offer no sympathy for anyone and you don't believe that anyone other than you has even had a negative experience?



Have we got that right?


RuleNumber1OfTransfeminism.jpg


“The #1 rule of transfeminism is don’t believe trans people when they say they’ve been taken advantage of if the person accused is also trans.”

You’re not a feminist, trans or otherwise. You’re perpetuating rape culture and calling trans women liars.
 
Here are my screenshots of the chat during the last Livestream, I was too busy transcribing to actually read it. Apparently Youtuber Lady Emily showed up at one point but Vivian proceeded to ban Emily and a couple of other people. I didn't manage to screengrab Emily's comment. User One Stop Pop Culture was banned as soon as they posted that comment saying, "You're telling me 4+ women came out against you and they're ALL lying? Obvious DARVO. I'm ashamed I ever liked your content."

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As you can see most of his subscribers were very sorry to see him go.
 
Reading one of Vivian Strange's old deleted BlueSky threads with the benefit of hindsight: "I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt or disappointed or alienated. I didn’t mean to."

Going through my archive I found this old BSky thread, where Vivian Strange was saying the exact same things he said in his "the end of Vivian Strange" Livestream, complaining about how much he hates most of Youtube because they weren't appreciative enough of him and began to actively ignore him when he started to spiral into PDS after Lola dumped him as a friend:

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Let's re-read the Bsky messages in this thread, this time with the benefit of hindsight:

Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am bitter. Yes, I despise 99% of YouTube. What was supposed to be a way of forming friendships, finding community, and educating/inspiring people has made me more isolated and more miserable than ever. I don’t see community here. I don’t see support or kindness here. 1/

"What was supposed to be a way of exploiting friendships, forming a cult of personality, and getting laid by famous people.", there, fixed it for you. Remember, this Bsky thread was posted in February of 2024. Lola dumped him as a friend in October of 2023. Four months later he was still coping, seething and dilating about it.

I see less of value here every single day. Perhaps that’s a problem with me, perhaps it’s because I’m myopic and selfish and disillusioned. Perhaps I’ve done nothing worth people’s attention or given anyone any reason to want to interact with me. Perhaps my work has been trivial, substanceless, and overall a waste of time and creativity and effort. 2/

The people who weren't ignoring you now probably wish they had, Vivian. As for the "I’m myopic and selfish and disillusioned", clearly you know yourself well but this self-knowledge never translates in any actual self-improvement. I guess it's because you want to stay this way.

Perhaps I’ve always expected too much. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m overwhelmed by disgust and disillusionment, and I am not pleased with what I’ve found here. There is nothing for me here, if things continue in the way they have. 3/

"Perhaps I've always expected too much", well, apparently you were expecting for Youtube to help you get laid. That does seem a bit too much, cos Youtube channels aren't dating profiles. A threesome with your best friends wasn't good enough for you, queer sex clubs weren't good enough, no, you had to bang FAMOUS people, because that's how "superficial, trivial and substance-less" your personality is. Anyway, the elephant in the room wasn't Youtubers hesitantly wanting to have sex with you but being too self-conscious or class-conscious to say so (this being your own self-serving interpretation), the elephant in the room was you manipulating all these people while trying to keep them separated so they wouldn't talk to one another and figure out what you were doing.

I’m probably not cut out for this. I’m probably too mean and cynical to make any sort of impact or difference here. My voice is just one of innumerable others, and people don’t like it when girls like me display anger and No one wants to spend their time swallowing the bitter pills I have to offer, not when there are so many more positive and feel-good options out there. 4/

"I’m probably too mean and cynical to make any sort of impact or difference here", you did make an impact but it was a negative impact. Why does this self-knowledge on your part never lead to actual change, I wonder? If you know what you're mean and cynical, why not try to change? Because you LIKE being mean and cynical?

I understand. I wish it could’ve been different. I wish people cared more, or at all for that matter. 5/

People did care for you and what you had to say, at least initially. They just didn't want to put up with you being a rapey, creepy, aggro and cranky anymore. They swallowed one too many of your bitter pills so the point of gagging and throwing up.

But that’s just how this sick capitalist game works, a popularity contest contingent on one’s social capital and likeability, of which I have neither. I hope it changes. I hope I made some kind of difference. I hope for at least a brief moment I was considered part of the community. 6/

Blaming capitalism for the fact that you were creepy towards your best friends? People did consider you a part of their community for a brief moment, but you squandered their goodwill by being obnoxious, ungrateful and creepy.

But right now, there’s nothing for me here but failure and obscurity, and the demands of churning out content and staying relevant are killing me. I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt or disappointed or alienated. I didn’t mean to. 7/

Chillax, no one is killing you. You killed your own channel yourself with your holier-than-thou Biggest Palestinian Ally Ever LARP. Your channel was slowly but steadily growing but you killed it to pursue a political obsession.

As for the "I’m sorry to anyone I may have hurt or disappointed or alienated. I didn’t mean to.", where is this apology now? You could apologize back then, so why can't you apologize now? TBH, your deception and manipulation of people in the Google Doc seems way too calculated and intentional for me to assume "you didn't mean to". You absolutely meant to use Youtube as a means to get laid. You absolutely meant to use Lola Sebastian as a stepping stone to meet Nyk/ContraPoints and hang out with famous people. You just underestimated how guarded Youtube people already are because they've been warned about the likes of you.

I just wanted to matter, to be noticed, to be recognized as having value and creating things that make people’s lives marginally better. It’s been a good run, but I can’t keep doing this only to be disregarded and forgotten, because at this point I’m just wasting myself. I really do have a lot to offer the world, but 8/

Vivian, you are wasting yourself regardless of whether you make videos or not because you are a drug addict. A lot of the people who have discovered this thread only now haven't seen the Livestream where you were cutting lines and snorting them live on stream, telling your views you didn't care that they were watching you do illegal drugs live on Youtube. Do you want to be remembered for your output, your activism, or for being a creepy rapey manipulator to your friends who became so self-righteous that he couldn't bring himself to apologize anymore?

I don’t think this is a part of the world who really wants it or even appreciates it. I’m sorry. I did my best. Maybe I’ll be back some day, once this community learns to care and cherish the more challenging and critical voices in their midst. Who knows. 9/

The community does appreciate challenging and critical voices (as long as they adhere to the gender cult, that is), the community just doesn't appreciate their channels being used as dating profiles. The community doesn't appreciate being told they're not appreciative enough of your, because you in turn couldn't appreciate what you have or having to work to gain more, like everyone else did.

The future is unwritten, and frankly I’m tired of writing words that virtually no one hears or sees or values. So…thanks for listening while y’all did. Goodbye, I guess. /fin

This Goodbye and Fuck Off Thread was posted on Bsky in Febuary of 2024, after Lola had dumped him as a friend but before Aziel, Jane and Elaine did. He was supposed to quit back then, but he decided to stick around a little longer to creep out and lose even more friends.

Then he responds to one of his stans saying:

thanks love <3 I'm not gonna be 100% gone, but it'll seem like that for a while probably

Vivian practically said the same thing in his "end of Vivian Strange" Livestream. He said that he wants to do yet another Goodbye and Fuck Off Livestream just for his Patrons, and that he still wants to make that de Sade Part 2 video essay he's been promising since forever, saying "it's more urgent now than ever". So I guess this means Vivian is gonna make a video about how zoomers are sexless prudes for insisting that "polyamory is elitist" (Vivian will not even bother to read any actual articles to figure out WHY zoomers have become so anti-poly for class war reasons), he will say that Youtubers are all self-conscious puritan prudes for not wanting to have sex with him, or for initially wanting to have sex with him but quickly losing all interest the moment they realized that Vivian Strange isn't just a little bit quirky/eccentric but actually scary crazy. Suffice to say, Vivian is not going to quit seeking out that sweet sweet dopamine hit on Youtube, he's just looking for a new community to rinse-repeat whatever he did to this one. Because Vivian needs all the love he can get, and he needs all the love that he can't get too. (Tali probably already knows this song, I saw he liked TSoM in his "boomer playlist" on Bsky):

 
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"Why oh why can't you just fix me": Vivian Strange raises $3,515 USD on GoFundMe - Vivian's snow habit #WhereTheMoneyWent - Lola and Tali are getting engaged - Vivian Strange responds to the Leftist Cooks: "Stop ejaculating into my fucking comment section" - Lola Sebastian's upcoming video about Cronenberg's movie Crash

Vivian has managed to reach his latest GoFundMe goal of $3,515, so all the people who donated should be aware of why Vivian Strange posted a new GoFundMe literally within 2 weeks of reaching his previous GFM goal of $11k, having now raised about $15k on GoFundMe just this past semester. Let's show these people where that money actually went.

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This is Vivian on a Livestream last summer cutting lines live on stream, telling his viewers that he doesn't mind if they watch him preparing to consume drugs. He then turns the screen to black, but without turning the audio off, and proceeds to audibly snort a couple of lines:


Here Vivian turns off the camera and you can literally hear him snorting up the coke lines off screen:


If you are wondering why Vivian looks so sweaty, nervous and unfocused on the last Livestream, this is why. Vivian has developed a snow habit. His subscribers have known about his habit for months, as they've seen him snort drugs on several Livestreams like the one above. This is why he's becoming paranoid about people whisper-networking him while trying to stop him from making videos about the war in Ghaza. This is why his public statements have become more aggro and obnoxious overtime as his habit got worse (Vivian deleted the comment from Youtuber Ember Green pointing out that people already distanced themselves from him over his aggressive PDS, long before they learned about the allegations in the Google Doc). If you compare Vivian in the latest video, to Vivian just 8 months ago when I first started watching him, the difference in demeanour and coherency is staggering. Not that this justifies anything, but I think people should know what's actually happening in his life and what they are actually funding when they donate to him on GoFundMe, while he weaponizes HAL to suggest that his precarious housing situation being somehow caused by the victims speaking out against him.

Remember the comment from Youtubers The Leftist Cooks where they asked Vivian a series of pointed questions about his response to the victims in the "death of Vivian Strange" video?

Vivian Strange has now reopened the comment section for the "death of Vivian Strange" video and has responded to The Leftist Cooks, in the typically classy way that only Vivian knows how:

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You want my story? You have my number. Always have. If you want clarifications or replies to all these questions of yours, then can talk to me one-on-one and communicate like adults, not ejaculating into this fucking comments section.

Same goes to any other creator who wants to throw hands in this comment section. You’re in my DMs. Talk to me like adults. Like you’ve had the chance to do for over a year now.

Original link, now defunct

Here's why people cannot communicate with you, Vivian, and it's not just because of your coke habit: it's because you are not being honest about your motivations with befriending these people. In the "death of Vivian Strange" video, you claim that your interest in these people was purely professional because you needed to network with other Youtubers to promote your channel, but the victims' testimonies suggest a sexual motive on your part, something you were apparently forthcoming towards them about, but something that you are now outright denying. In fact, you are denying literally everything they accused you of doing, insisting that every specific thing they wrote about you in their testimonies was completely made up. With regards to Lola, you won't even address the part of her testimony where you were escalating physical contact despite her telling you not to do so, nor the part where you directly confronted Lola about your sexual arousal for her, blaming Lola for arousing you with the way she dresses. If I combine your retelling of events on that day with Lola's retelling, then this incident where you confronted her about your arousal must've happened on the same day that you were going to stay over at her place for your birthday to watch horror movies. I don't know if you confronted Lola with your arousal at the theater or at her house; from her retelling it sounded like it happened at the theater, but your retelling suggests you two had a confrontation at her house. Whatever the specific location or order of events actually was, you highlighted the fact that Lola was very tense around you, trying to make it seem like she had to reason to be, but you do not disclose whether the likely reason for this tension was the fact that you had just confronted her with you arousal. Nor do you address the fact that, a month earlier, you had apparently told Lola something so dark and disturbing about yourself, something she cannot even bring herself to repeat, but something that apparently made her decide to distance herself from you already back in September. Are you still seriously implying that Lola had absolutely no reason to be tense or apprehensive around you, and that she just completely made up an imaginary lustful confrontation that never happened? Or are you refusing to address the specifics of her testimony because you know you can't live this down if you admit to it? I suspect it's the latter. The testimonies of the victims are full of examples of them confronting you with your behaviour, you denying it, only to later admit they were right all along, or for them to discover you were lying to them. For example, Elaine describes this incident where you only backtracked after two weeks of denial:

Tensions escalated with Jane and she called for a break. At this point of time, Vivian would even plant seeds in Jane's head to turn us against one another by calling me abusive before backtracking within two weeks.

Aziel describes this incident where you doubted Aziel being an androphilic HSTS, and began questioning Jane whether Aziel had sex with him and/or Elaine while visiting them in LA, which you apparently desperately hoped for, so that you could hold it against Aziel to prove that he was "really GAMP" and not an androphilic HSTS as he insisted he was. When Aziel confronted you about you contacting Jane to find out if he was really an HSTS, you called Jane a liar but Aziel had already seen the screenshots, and knew you were the one lying:

A few days later, she rudely started asking Jane really personal questions regarding our private experiences together in California, prying for non-existent sexual details she could use to either justify distrusting my attraction for men rather than women, or to have dirt on Jane who told her she had no intention of being friends moving forward. Jane sent me the screenshots and I was extremely uncomfortable by Vivian’s violation of both of our boundaries. Vivian then called Jane a liar to me and to her, but I knew the truth.

(For people unfamiliar with these terms: HSTS stands for "homosexual transsexual", GAMP stands for "gynandromorphophile" aka "the attraction towards the feminine form in a male". Transsexuals who are only sexually interested in men are HSTSs, transsexuals who are interested in other transsexuals are GAMPs. Aziel is an HSTS, Vivian is a GAMP. Lola is also a GAMP, as is Camille "beautiful chthonic boy" Paglia, but this is more controversial as female GAMP is extremely frowned up (a man who is into troons is simply a horny faggot, a woman who is into troons is... what? Even the Bedroom Philosopher couldn't figure this one out and kept pestering Lola with this question.) All trannie chasers are GAMPs, but not all of them troon out. When chasers do troon out, it's because they've turned into AGPs, and these AGPs continue being GAMP and attracted to other transsexuals well into their own transitions. Vivian basically expects all transpeople to be GAMP and bisexual like himself, and he imposed this expectation onto Aziel. Just like with Lola, Vivian was trying to change someone's sexuality into something that was more in line with his own expectations of trans people being universally GAMP, if only out of spite towards a mainstream society that rejects and devalues any manifestation of male femininity. TLDR, this is what happens when you're in a gender cult where no one is allowed to use the existing accurate terms to describe themselves and the cult imposes universal standards of "queerness" onto everyone.)

Vivian straight-up accused Aziel of being somehow responsible for Serafina, who according to Elaine's testimony was the main breadwinner in Vivian's household, now being sick at home for weeks, when it's far more likely that Serafina became sick from the cognitive dissonance once he read the Google Doc and realized, perhaps for the first time, that Vivian was secretly trash-talking him to his best friends, admitting he didn't love Serafina while plotting to get away from him. (That is, assuming Vivian didn't introduce Serafina to his snow habit to reinforce their co-dependency.) Vivian can't even bring himself take personal responsibility for doing this to the person he now calls his "wife", and tries to shift blame to Aziel. Yet Vivian wants the victims and their associates to communicate with him, and insists that all of this could've been resolved through communication, when he himself was the one standing in the way of the victims from communicating with each other and Serafina.

Getting you to admit you did something wrong shouldn't have to be like pulling teeth Vivian, and it wouldn't be like pulling teeth, if you weren't wallowing in denial, insisting your friends have absolutely no reason to feel abused and hurt by you.

So no, you don't get to make communication demands after you've already threatened to doxx your victims, gloating over the fact that you have information about them that will "destroy their lives, relationships and credibility", while continuing to allude to some kind of secret innuendo between you and Lola that Tali didn't know about, at the same time insisting your relationship was "queer platonic", even as you've already admitted you don't actually believe in platonic relationships and think you should be able to make out with your exes even after breaking up with them. It's OK to admit you just wanted to be fuckbuddies with these people, Vivian, but you can't even bring yourself to do that.

Tali and Lola are getting engaged, though I don't think Vivian will be getting an RSVP to that engagement:

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This is literally the first time I am seeing pictures of Tali and Lola on Bsky, and it's admittedly quite amusing to realize that this was Vivian's sexual rival all this time, LMAOOO. Gotta wear moar leather Vivian, or do you prefer latex like an Amerimutt, LMAOOO.

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BTW Lola, about that Crash video you're working on (a 1996 Cronenberg film about what Vivian would call "a violent death cult") ... I hope you've already read this, from the most incisive American sci-fi film scholar alive today (this is Sobchack attacking the late French philosopher Baudrillard for getting a little too giddy about Crash):

There's nothing like a little pain to bring us (back) to our senses—and to reveal Baudrillard's apocalyptic descriptions of the postmodern techno-body as dangerously partial and naively celebratory. Baudrillard's techno-body is a body that is thought always as an object, and never lived as a subject. Thus it can bear all sorts of symbolic abuse with indiscriminate and undifferentiated pleasure. This techno-body is a porno-graphic fiction, objectified and written beyond belief and beyond the real—which is to say, it is always something "other" than Baudrillard's own body which he lives (even as he refuses to believe it) as "real" and "mine." One's own body resists the kind of affectless objectification that Baudrillard has in mind; rather, it responds affectively to such mortification as he imagines with confusion, horror, anguish, and pain. Even its defensive or offensive "numbness" is physically and affectively lived—and felt.

Indeed,
Baudrillard is so into thinking the techno-body as without organs and full of orifices, so erotically seduced by the (very male?) confusions of sex and death that look to apparent resolution by "riddling" the imagined body with technologically-conduced holes, that he reads Ballard's Crash obscenely—that is, off to the side. Getting all the description right, he gets the tone all wrong and thus, where Ballard is cautionary and his prose (as Baudrillard recognizes) technical, Baudrillard is celebratory and his own prose impassioned. Rejecting Ballard's unflinching—if fascinated—disgust and contempt for the world he ironically anatomizes in Crash (articulated both in Ballard's introduction to the French edition and in the rigorously reductive, anti-erotic technology of the novel's style), Baudrillard belies Ballard as he stands in for (and as proof of) all that's wrong with Vaughan.

Thus where Ballard is ironic and chillingly reductive in limning the postmodern desire to "come" into the machine, to convert the male body's "software" into "hardware," Baudrillard is celebratory and chillingly expansive. His is a faux critical stance. His pose lovingly (not ironically, nor with Ballard's "moral gaze") luxuriates in "each gash mark, every bruise, every scar." Like Vaughan, Baudrillard jacks off (or in) contemplating "artificial invaginations." Alienated from his own body and its existence as the material premise for a very real, rather than merely literal, pain, he's into the transcendent sexiness of "wounds," "artificial orifices," "all the symbolic and sacrificial practices that a body can open itself up to—not via nature, but via artifice, simulation, and accident." A male child (not a critic) of his own time, there's no satisfying him. Like Vaughan, only death will finally "do" Baudrillard. Sex, as he says, "is only the inscription of a privileged signifier and of a few secondary marks—nothing in comparison to all the marks and wounds that a body is capable of." Hence the confusion of orifices, of sex and death, of "black holes."

As I started out by saying, there's nothing like a little pain to bring us (back) to our senses, nothing like a real (not imagined) mark or wound or artificial orifice to counter Baudrillard's postmodern romanticism. I'm writing this intervention recuperating from major cancer surgery on my left distal thigh—a 12-inch scar marking the "new" place of an "artificial invagination" where, for five hours, "chrome and mucous membranes" converged. Indeed, my thigh is marked by several experiences of the "brutal surgery" that technology "continually performs in creating incisions, excisions, scar tissue, gaping body holes"; it is a thigh "dominated by gash marks, cut-outs, and technical scars." But it is definitely not a thigh "without organs," nor do I contemplate it now, as it hurts me, "under the gleaming sign of a sexuality that is without referentiality and without limits." When I was well between operations, it is true I was able to joke that my doctor "had gone where no man had gone before," or to draw parallels between being anesthetized and "entered" by a surgeon and all those English novels like Clarissa in which virginal heroines were drugged and sexually violated —deprived of bodily sensation, but also deprived of responsibility. Such thoughts, however, occurred long after the actual pain had passed—when I was only thinking about the new orifice and its erotic possibilities. But sitting here living that orifice, I can attest to the scandal of metaphor.
The "semiurgy of contusions, scars, mutilations, and wounds" on my thigh are nothing like "new sexual organs opened in the body." Even at its most objectified and technologically caressed, I live this thigh—not abstractly on "the" body, but concretely as "my" body. Thus sharp pain, dull aches, and tingling numbness, the cold touch of technology on my flesh, are distractions from my erotic possibilities, and not, as Baudrillard would have it, erotically distracting.

Crash is rigorously about the human body abstracted, objectified, and literalized as techno-body—and Ballard's vision sees this techno-body as driving us, quite literally, to a dead end. Baudrillard, however, refuses Ballard's condemnation, preferring his own immersed, supposedly value-free and objective "fascination" with scars, orifices, desireless and violent sexuality. He tells us that the "moral gaze—the critical judgmentalism that is still a part of the old world's functionality" has no relevance to the world of Crash, or to the postmodern, science-fictional world we live daily in all its "unpolished splendor of ordinariness and violence." The man is really dangerous. Indeed, as I sit here with a throbbing, vivid "inscription" on my left distal thigh, I might wish Baudrillard a car crash or two. He needs a little pain (maybe a lot) to bring him to his senses, to remind him that he has a body, his body, and that the "moral gaze" begins there—with the lived sense and imagined feeling of the human body not merely as a material object among others, but as a material subject that bleeds and suffers and hurts for others because it can bleed and suffer and hurt for oneself. If we don't keep this subjective kind of bodily sense in mind as we negotiate our technoculture, then we, like Vaughan, like Baudrillard, [like de Sade, like Vivian Strange] will objectify ourselves to death.

Vivian Sobchack. Baudrillard's Obscenity


NGL, when Vivian started posting the Ghaza Diaries, especially the first couple of compilations which were just never-ending streams of decontextualized war gore, Vivian just trauma-dumping his gore folders into 9+ hour video compilations and complaining why no one would watch them or share them, I too wished him "in a little bit of pain, maybe a lot, to bring him to his senses". However, as Jane pointed out, no one can hurt Vivian the way Vivian chooses to hurt himself.
 
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UPDATES: Vivian kills his alter ego "Vivian Strange", begins posting as "Voltairine de Guerre", an alias he briefly adopted on Twitter - After scamming almost $4k on GoFundMe for his cocaine habit, Vivian just upped the GFM goal to $5000 to scam even more money - Vivian's former associates implicitly call him out for his GFM scam and inappropriate socializing on Bsky - Jane Brown announces leaving all social media to seek therapy, but only after promising to release the supercut of I Wish I Were A Camera sometime next year as a free download

Voltairine de Guerre (pka Vivian Strange)'s latest GoFundMe scam went better than expected. After raising over $3k, Vivian just upped the goal to $4k, only to up it yet again to $5k.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-vivian-and-serafina-make-it-through-2024

VivianStrangeUpsTheGFMGoalTo4KCokeHabit.jpg



It currently stands at $3,940 USD raised with a $5K goal

VivianStrangeUpsTheGFMGoalTo5KCokeHabit.jpg




Aranok and Lola on Bsky had an exchange on GFM scammers and Youtubers who socialize inappropriately with subscribers: "You should be weary of people encouraging parasociality. Content Creators are punished for maintaining boundaries."

AranockDrawingBoundariesAsAYoutuber.jpg
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One of the frustrating things of being an artist, esp as a woman, is that people constantly are being parasocial towards me, and I have to keep reestablishing boundaries, and doing so probably negatively effects my career because people hate women who are inaccessible and refuse to cater to them.


At some point the audience/culture is going to have to seriously reassess behaviour towards women who are public figures or the cycles of harm and harassment will just continue ad infinitum and grifters will continue to easily manipulate. You should be weary of people encouraging parasociality.


Y'all don't want women you want emotional needs dispenser dolls(that you will sexualize) so that you can use them however you want and I think thats gross and sucks ass actually.

Lola replied with:

LolaCreatorsEncouragingParasociality.jpg
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yep. if you’re a woman who’s an artist and you aren’t constantly accessible to the weirdos you are perceived as heartless, distant, or ungrateful - even though it’s the people actively encouraging parasociality who tend to be actively dangerous/grifty. being ethical and safe gets punished 🤷‍♀️


yeah, in the end all i can really say is be kind and be careful who you’re giving money to. there are tons of brilliant women making cool things on the internet. there are also a few weirdos intent on starting their own cult.


Here's the thing: you can look at the lower rates of success of punishment... or you can look at it is: "I am avoiding a lot of unnecessary, time-wasting drama that allows me to have a longer and more stable career as a content creator with a better quality audience.". If you look at it this way, it's no longer "punishment", it's actually the better, more stable career path.

Vivian, emboldened by his successful scamming on GFM promised a new surprise flex to his Patrons, which of course never came:

VivianStrangeSurpriseFlex.jpg


He also posted a new video of himself reading some anarchist text as "Cabaret Voltairine", referring to himself as "Voltairine de Guerre", an alias he had previously used on Twitter:


Vivian Strange returns as Voltairine de Guerre reading anarchist texts: "Anarchy is extreme and her lovers are extremists"

Anarchy Can't Fight Alone, by Kuwasi Balagoon | Cabaret Voltairine


I am your mistress of ceremonies, the dulcet disembodied drone of the faceless, formless, ever elusive Voltairine de Guerre. Yes, I'm just a voice without a face. I am the spirit of anarchy. And I had to murder Vivian Strange in her sleep with her memory-foam pillow. Took a while, but the bitch finally croaked. Now, this appalling circus of a channel must continue to exist on this abominable, fascist platform as an unfortunate necessity. Because Miss Strange was actually hoarding some fairly valuable and interesting texts in her backlog, hidden amongst the content-milling garbage clogging this channel's veins. However, this is a place where thousands of people come looking for words to heed, and as long as I draw breath that space shall not be wasted. I don't give a shit about entertaining you, I don't give a shit about your visual stimulation. Minimal images, minimal texts, no face. This channel is now just going to be the echo chamber wherein I read revolutionairy texts to provoke, inspire, educate, arouse and, most hopefully, to move to actual action in the real world, beyond the iron curtains of this hellish panopticon we call social media.

Do you feel lost? Numb? Hopeless? Powerless? Do you have any clue what to do as an individual when everything bigger in the world around you is burning and crumbling into ruins? It's all so much and we're all so little. What can we do? If you feel like this, then come to the Carabet Voltairine. You won't find entertainment here. Only the wild spirit of that which we call anarchy. Does that word make you tremble? Does it make you uncomfortable? Are you terrified of the world-shattering implications of anarchy? Not an ideology, but a very way of nature, foundational to all human activity and history. Anarchism is axiomatic. Anarchy is extreme and her lovers are extremists. Anarchists, true anarchists, those who reject all hierarchies and all things without compromise, we are a strange and dangerous breed, deeply feared by the rest of human kind. But as the world keeps burning and our species keeps killing ourselves, it is our way of living and being that will prove not only inevitable but irresistible. Now, allow me to introduce y'all to the love of my life, my liberator, my reason for alive, the answer to basically every problem facing our species today: the power of anarchy.

Wow, that dopamine addiction. He only managed to stay away from Youtube for 13 days. Even Nyk did better whenever he rage-quit social media.

"You won't find entertainment here"
, how unfortunate, I would've expected an anarchist cabaret to have at least some Anarchistische Abendunterhaltung.

Jane posted this update to Paint Drying on Letterboxd, where he said he will be leaving all social media to seek therapy, because being abused by Vivian Strange made him realize he was abused as a child but had repressed the memory of it, which led to him succumbing to more abuse as an adult:

25 Nov 2024

Jane Evelyn’s review published on Letterboxd:
Life Update - November 2024

One of these days I will actually watch Paint Drying and share my thoughts about the experience. However, there is something poetic about people sharing their life updates and whatnot on this page. Sometimes we need a fresh coat of paint and we need to let it dry in order to become anew.

All right. Here goes...

TLDR: Internet break imminent

Over the course of the past two years, my loved ones and I were psychologically manipulated and emotionally abused. We only recently managed to get out of it and start the recovery process. Unless absolutely necessary, I hope to never have to write about it publicly again. If you know, you know. I was brought back to a vulnerable, fragile, and dark state of mind that I had just worked to escape the previous two years. All of my insecurities were heightened and I was dying on the inside under someone's influence.

The three of us found liberation by turning to filmmaking as a form of therapy, in projects such as I Wish I Were a Camera and Jane is OK. They helped us work through our issues, especially after keeping them stored up inside for so long. However, making everything so immediately public has both its pros and cons. Because we need a break from everything, we made some of our more personal projects private for the time being. We will finish I Wish I Were a Camera, but we will also re-edit it (as always planned) after proper evaluation of our standards and practices for privacy and ethics. We will also take some time before we release the final project.

We ultimately need more time, space, and reflection and this is true not just of our art but our personal lives. I am still climbing out of the pit of despair, and overcoming trauma of recent years. I'm also finally confronting the trauma I repressed for years, including the fact I have been emotionally and sexually abused my entire life since childhood. This led me to be emotionally stunted and develop warped perceptions of the world. I denied this obvious fact about myself for too long out of fear. I will be seeking professional help. I want to be able to let go of the past and move on with my life.

Transitioning helped alleviate a great deal of my problems but a combination of factors including abusive living conditions made me susceptible to being exploited all over again. I don't want to be stunted any longer. I want to grow. I finally have a sense of relief and I want to make the most of it.

For all these reasons, I am gradually breaking myself off of social media to seek therapy and heal. My plan is that by the end of the year, I'll be mostly offline until reaching sufficient recovery and growth. After that, I'll still limit my screentime.

I need time offline. I need time to grow. I need time to heal. I need my paint to dry.

https://letterboxd.com/jay96/film/paint-drying/1/
https://archive.is/IKKHf

I am glad Jane is seeking help. CSA is something you need professional help to deal with those deep lasting wounds that you've tried to ignore all this time.

Jane Brown said that these monthly episodes (I call them that way because I do view them as a kind of "troon reality TV", thought that probably reveals my lolcow bias in the way I approach such media, LMAO) are meant to be "drafts" that are eventually going to be edited into "a whole film we are building towards.". Before he deleted his Twitter account, Jane xeeted this:

Jane Evelyn 🔻 @SubstanceIs Nov 6
Drafts for our yearlong diary film I Wish I Were a Camera are released monthly in twelve volumes (all subject to revision).

The final six-hour film project will be uploaded as a single video and be made available uncensored as a direct download early next year.

My personal impression is that I Wish I Were A Camera not only came out of Elaine's previous TMI oversharing vlogs, but was also meant to be a response to the troon part of Letterboxd, where cinephile troons began to attack and neg-rate any movie that has what they consider to be a problematic or negative depiction of transsexualism. I personally was shocked when I first visited the Letterboxd page for Hegwig (the musical by John Cameron-Mitchell that Vivian and Jane discussed on one of their GenderWeird podcast episode), because the LB page for that musical was just swarming with troons raging at the film, even as they admitted that it cracked their egg. I thought it was ridiculous that a film so obviously camp was being taken so damn seriously by all these troons that seemed to have a love/hate relationship with it. I think Elaine and Jane wanted to share the I Wish I Were A Camera updates, not just as public therapy like he describes it above, or just as the regular type of troon exhibitionism (they're troons after all, so they're all exhibitionistic), but also in response to the troons on Letterboxd only wanting to see positive depictions of transsexualism. My impression is that Jane and Elaine wanted to go against the grain of troon Letterboxd, by showing that trooning out has its ups and downs, so an honest depiction of trooning out should depict both the highs and the lows, even the boring "staring at a wall"/"nothing happens" bits too. The fact that they include so many other people in I Wish I Were A Camera to me suggests that they wanted to preserve a snapshot of their IRL community of fellow queers in the series, and not just make it about themselves as individual Youtubers, or as a stand-alone T2T couple. I find the constant change of cast rather bewildering. Cheating is constantly occurring in mainstream TV series too, with the cheating made into a huge plot point. Here you have all these "polyamorous" troons and queers casually cheating on each other and cheering each other on just as they cheat. I struggled to keep up with whom was dating whom in I Wish I Were A Camera, I just hope they all get their regular STD tests at this point.

I saw that Vivian took down his "Postmortem AMA Autopsy of Vivian Strange" Livestream:

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So what happened here? Did Vivian proceed to doxx the Discord DMs during this Livestream like he threatened to?

Finally, I now suspect that Peter Coffin must've followed me here onto OnionFarms, because why is he talking about the Wendigoon vs In Praise Of Shadows ordeal only months after it happened? He even says: "Honestly, I'm surprised the right went after him [Zane/In Praise Of Shadows]"


I knew Peter Coffin was following me back when I was posting in the ContraPoints thread, because I had posted some of his Livestreams with Caleb Maupin there, where they were talking about Nyk and BreadTube. Anyways, whether he followed me here or not, I do think this excerpt from Peter's lastest video is a good explanation for why troons like Vivian Strange are drawn to extremism: "the impulse is to be more, more extreme, more radical"

 
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