I really hate these moral police fundamentalists that Null has surrounded himself with. Their obsessive over-analyzing of every little thing he does down to and including whether he likes pumpkin spice and whether that projects the appropriate amount of masculinity they expect to see from him, it's really like a fucked up form of extreme OCD. I wish Null could see how these people he has surrounded himself with have stripped him of his humanity and empathy, but I think he likes having his heart crushed. He thinks this makes him a better, stronger person, when it just turns him into an over-anxious asshole forever terrified of being found out. These people will eat him alive if they knew what his regular life was really like and he knows it. Null knows that the purity spiral these fundamentalists are on will affect him eventually. Yet he wants this, which is why you shouldn't feel sorry for him, even when they do eventually learn the truth about him and proceed to cannibalize him.