The Suppository of all Copypasta

[Crimson Fucker]

Attention Willy Wonka employees, we have a code: Hershey, Nestle operatives has infiltrated the willy wonka compund and are attempting to steal C level trade secrets. Engaging lockdown protocol and releasing the attack oompa loompas until all individuals without proper bio security cards have been neutralized and or captured. All personnel acivate their bio markers and ensure are in an area with proper clearance. As a reminder of proper procedure: do not make direct eye contact with the security oompa loompas as they are biologically engineered to be super soldiers with the world's best combat data pre installed into their brains and are prone to uncontrolled aggressive outbursts as a side effects of the process. Thank you for your time, we appreciate you working for willy wonka chocolate company, have a nice day.

 

[Crimson Fucker]

Wife bad, fishing good. Yee-haw twangin' on mah banjo. I think my cousin is hot and have a faded confederate flag tattooed on my meaty flabby hairy arm. Truck.

 

[TheChattanoogaAshleyJank]

i would 100% fuck null. imagine the noises his belly makes after two LARGE mcdonald's meals. and that wouldn't be enough for fatty josh, he would strip off to his underwear have a whole TUB of ice cream afterwards, rubbing his belly while he shoves spoonfull after spoonfull of ice cream into his mouth. afterwards, he sit on the couch with his double chin covered in melted ice cream moaning and rubbing his erection. "i'm such a fat pig" he will say, contuining to rub until until he climaxes inside his underwear. and i would be there to suck all of the cum out of the fabric

 

[Syrup]

i would 100% fuck null. imagine the noises his belly makes after two LARGE mcdonald's meals. and that wouldn't be enough for fatty josh, he would strip off to his underwear have a whole TUB of ice cream afterwards, rubbing his belly while he shoves spoonfull after spoonfull of ice cream into his mouth. afterwards, he sit on the couch with his double chin covered in melted ice cream moaning and rubbing his erection. "i'm such a fat pig" he will say, contuining to rub until until he climaxes inside his underwear. and i would be there to suck all of the cum out of the fabric

@fag0t what made you write this

 

[fag0t]

its true

 

[TheChattanoogaAshleyJank]

Theres lots of people I don't suspect of harvesting adrenochrome or raping kids.
Anyone that isn't jewish has a high chance of being clean. Epstein was a jewish supremacist and very open about it according to Maria Farmer.

• Chris Pratt
• Justin Bieber
• Mel Gibson
• Kelsey Grammer
• Dennis Miller
• Steven Morrissey
• Viggo Mortensen
• Mark Wahlberg
• Denzel Washington
• Dwayne Johnson
• Seth MacFarlane
• James Woods
• Matthew Mcconaughey

Trump was very co-operative with an Epstein investigator and didn't appear on any pedo Island log, as far as I'm aware.

 

[TheChattanoogaAshleyJank]

You seem to like Palestinians a lot, so I found you a Palestinian wife. Her fingers are missing so she won't be able to jack you off, but I think her mouth still works, kinda sorta. I know you will fuck off to Ghaza soon to marry her. She comes with a big dowry of a three legged donkey and a decomposing goat that you'll have to dig up from underneath the rubble yourself:

 

[Kan]

He’s about to get his soul sucked.
I love the scream right before they ffshshsgh

 

[Kan]

Blood comes in a variety of colors.

Feel free to look at the sources and accounts at the time of writing this during this era of history regarding blood colors.

Many are familiar with the red hemoglobin blood of mammals and most reptiles as well as most amphibians. Hemoglobin is an iron-containing protein that is the oxygen binder for these cells, giving them their red color when oxygenated. This blood is contained in closed circulatory systems.

Green blood is something that has a tendency to be present in arthropods, being the kind of blood known as hemolymph, the blood that is present in arthropods and in such creatures’ open circulatory systems. Hemolymph has hemocyanin, which is a copper-based protein rather than an iron-based one, causing the blood of arthropod to typically appear to be a green tinted or pale bluish-green color, though depending on the organism, it can appear as grey or yellow. It should also be noted that deoxygenated (and even dried) red hemoglobin blood turns brown and then black, while hemolymph blood gradually turns transparent when deoxygenated (and even dried). Cephalopods such as octopi are interesting in that while they have blue hemocyanin blood that’s hemolymph by extension, they have closed circulatory systems. The blue blood of horseshoe crabs, who are not actually crabs and are more closet related to spiders, is strangely siphoned from them for cancer research in special facilities, as in strange in terms of siphoning methods. Snails, crabs, and lobsters all have blue, and as something that’s humorous to take note of, snails have been depicted in old Middle Ages art in conflict with knights. Beetles have yellow blood, due to vanabin, which has vanadium, but doesn’t transport oxygen, strangely. Cochineal insects and peanut worms have purple blood.

The blood colors of even humans and other mammals can vary by condition, as mentioned previously. Blood plasma itself in humans is typically yellow and can vary in color, too, even down to shades of red from person to person. Also, white blood cells appear to be colorless on their own, but appear to be a purplish to pink color as seen under the microscope. Allegedly, the small amount of gallium in the human body means we have a tiny amount of blue blood. Sulfhemoglobinemia is a strange and usually serious condition that turns hemoglobin blood from red to brown. Methemoglobinemia also does this, on top of being able to turn skin blue, and can even turn blood to blue. Rh-null blood is not actually golden colored in the slightest, but it can cause red blood have a weirder color than normal, but not by much, if at all.

The blood of Prasinohaema skinks and Samkos bush frogs is dark green instead of red like other lizards and frogs, respectively, due to the excess buildup of the bile pigment biliverdin. Fun fact: the latter amphibian has turquoise colored bones due to this.

Worms and leaches have weird blood: they have green blood in smaller concentrations, and red in higher concentrations, due to chlorocruorin blood. Most clams and oysters have clear blood. There has been a reported sighting of a slug that seemed to have purple blood, but it was actually slime for deterring it’s predators. Tunicates are a strange kind animal (akin to in terms of strangeness but not physiology to platyhelminthes/flatworms, jellyfishes, and lampreys) that tend to have green blood.

In the science fiction series, Alien, the main antagonists are the xenomorphs, who usually have sharp teeth, sharp claws, and individual blades tails, and they are especially known for their extremely acidic yellowish-green blood. The robot Bender in Futurama is once seen with black oil for blood, and this is also the case for the human turned-cyborgs in the Mortal Kombat series, mainly seen with Cyrax and Sektor. The aliens in the classic Alien Shooter games have dark green blood, by default. Oil Man heavily implies, in one cutscene/instance, that robots have oil for blood in Megaman Powered Up. Androids in the Alien franchise have white blood. The Predators/Yautja have neon green blood that has a glow to it. Reptile in the Mortal Kombat series is consistently given green blood. D’Vorah has teal blood.

The Zombie Pigmen/Zombified Piglin in Minecraft technically have green blood due to their odd flesh colors. This could be said about Regular Minecraft Zombies, but their flesh may not be as torn as the Zombie Pigmen. Slimes arguably drop blood in that game, dropping green slime balls on death. It could be said that the Minecraft Spiders likely have blue blood and Enderman have purple blood due to their strange appearance and their connection to the color purple. On the topic of sandbox games, Terraria most definitely has a variety of blood colors. Humans such as the player and regular zombies have red blood. Eaters and their cohorts have lime-green blood, and their red counterparts, Crimeras and their cohorts, have red blood. Hornets and Queen Bee seem to have lime-green blood, slimes bleed whatever color they appear to be, yet seem to always drop the same color slime as an item, and Duke Fishron has somewhat dark blue blood. Some entities in Terraria have no blood, such as robots and monsters. Martians in this game purple blood. The game is amongst those with the highest number of blood colors in gameplay.

Now for some blood color oddities and other facts and tidbits. There tends to be an unusual misconception that most, if not all, animals have red blood. Obviously, this is extremely untrue, and it should even be noted that there are ALOT of insect specieses on this planet. This observed in both reality and fiction, but subversions and inversions exist. In Doom (1993), the Spider Mastermind not only bleeds red blood as a visual damage mechanic shared by all enemies in the Classic Doom games, but she also has red blood on death, unlike Cacodemons, who’ve had their red, pupil-having counterparts consistently have blue blood, especially on death, and in terms of other blood crap, Barons Of Hell and Hell Knights have dark green blood in the classic games, mainly on death. When you whoop their ass in Doom II (1994), Arachnotrons bleed red blood on death like the Spider Mastermind, but when you whup their asses in Doom Eternal, they bleed blue blood, like actual spiders, on top of the fact that they act more like and look more like actual spiders in the latter game, and this is also quite noticeable from a distance when damaging them, too. The spiders in Blood (1997) bleed red blood, and in the official Plasma Pak expansion for the game, Chrysalid Pods are plant enemies with green blood. The Skorpius spawns have red blood in God Of War III instead of blue blood like normal scorpions. The Siren Seductresses have bluish-purple looking, ethereal blood in this game. Sheeva in MKIII and its other versions had green blood, but her blood is the standard Shokan red outside of these games. The Draugr have orange blood in God Of War (2018), likely due to their specifically undead nature and association with rage. In The Black Heart, a game made on the M.U.G.E.N. Engine, has every playable character bleed red blood by default. One of Animus’s victory animations in that game seems to cause black blood to fly out of his body as an Iron Maiden shuts on his resilient physically body. Hashi’s Fatal where he eats his opponent (with the exception of the Final Boss, that’s literally named Final), and he gives the a seed that turns them green and causes green blood to splatter as he eats their upper half as a giant, while holding them upside down. The Clones that Janos can spawn don’t bleed red blood and likely have black blood.

In Greek Mythology, the Greek Gods are said to have golden ichor for blood that’s toxic to mortals, although it could also be blue blood instead of gold. The Talos has a vein of blood, but there’s a bit of contradictory claims as to what blood is in it, although there seems to be more references to the Giant having ichor for blood. Scarabs had noteworthy iconography in Ancinet Egypt, and scarabs have yellow blood due to being dung beetles.

There are games and funny mods with adjustable censorship, such as replacing blood with confetti, colored lights, and sprinkles, or disabling or editing blood amounts from normal to minimal to medium to high.

The term for blood that doesn’t behave like the mildly viscous, red mammalian blood on TV Tropes, and the name of the trope in general, is known as Alien Blood. Strangely, they put Machine Blood, an extremely similar trope, for and on a different page. The Alien Blood trope mainly applies to blood of different colors, but can also apply to oddly behaving blood, such as blood that crystalizes in air or non-liquid/strange kinds of objects for blood.

The Imps and Owl Demons in Helluva Boss have black blood instead of the expected red blood. Ganon bleeds green blood when he dies in The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time, in the NTSC 1.2 version and all versions after that, of this game. The ESRB and YouTube have inconsistent and absurd rules regarding blood colors and censorship.

The menstrual blood of women, and as disgusting as this is, comes in multiple colors. Red is the usual color during periods, black indicates the beginning or end of a period, and purple is a sign of high concentrations of estrogen, mainly in the blood.

Mass Effect has a neat variety of blood colors. There’s the human species and multiple alien alien specieses with red blood, the Asari have bluish-purple blood, Turians have blue blood, the Krogan have orange blood, the Rachni have green blood, and Salarians have green blood.
Coming back to the topic of the Doom series, Doom Eternal has a handful of blood colors. Most demons have the standard red blood, Cacodemons bleed blue blood like their Classic counterparts, Arachnotrons have blue blood, and Barons Of Hell now bleed glowing orange blood that doesn’t seem to remain on the ground properly. This is also the case with Arch-Viles in this game. Gore Nests have green blood, and Screecher Zombies have purple blood in The Ancient Gods DLC. For some odd reason, the monsters in Doom 3 and Doom (2016) all have red blood. The blood colors for returning monsters in Doom 64 remains consistent with the first two Doom games, except Cacodemons look different AND have red blood. Imps have a variant with purple blood in that game, by the way.

In the second episode of Ben 10 Alien Force, Labrid does bleeding neon blue blood, and Andreas bleeds dark grey blood in the Ben 10 Ultimate Alien episode “Andreas’ Fault”. In the Flash game, Nitrome Must Die!!!!, the enemies bleed the color they match, including the red ones, as well as blue, purple, orange, and yellow ones. Most aliens in the Alien Shooter sequels bleed red by default, with the small scarab/tiny looking aliens splattering red and green on death, and the giant acid spiders in Alien Shooter: Vengeance and Alien Shooter 2: Reloaded seem to have green blood, mainly on death and by appearance, but appear to shed red blood to graphically an indication that they’re taking damage. In the obscure Flash game Defender Of The Galaxy and in Gradius V, there are aliens known as the Harraken and fleshy Bacterians with green blood, mainly shown as they explode. They mostly have red colored flesh on the outside, though, for the former group.

On the previously mentioned topic of Mortal Kombat, blood color variety became a thing starting the also already mentioned Mortal Kombat III and its versions, with Reptile finally having green blood, Sheeva having green blood, and Cyrax, Sektor, and Smoke being cyborgs with dark blue blood. Multiple other Mortal Kombat playable characters would later go on to appear with green blood. Likely due to being in a rush, everyone in MK4 and MK Gold had red blood. Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance reintroduced blood colors, and had the most blood colors for playable characters in the base game alongside Mortal Kombat: Armageddon and Mortal Kombat (2011); regarding the former, most of the roster have red blood, with Reptile having his signature green blood, Cyrax with black blood that’s oil, and Blaze with orange blood. Kollector’s severed head tender has golden yellow blood in MK11, and Geras used to have blue blood, but kept red blood in this game and beyond. Cetrion also used to have blue blood.

Metal Gear 4 gave Raiden cybernetic white blood, and he got back red blood in the Non-Japanese versions of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. The insects in Lightyear (2022) have dark blue blood. Woody and other dolls in the Toy Story series technically have white stuffing for blood. In ToyStory.Exe, the toys usually bleed red blood. Whether it’s for parody reasons or hemokinesis is kept kind of ambiguous. The Tumblr Color Theory Meme is referring to the reactions to this one image of a children’s hospital with blood splatter-like, red patterned white floors that look creepy and generally unusual. When Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War gets hit multiple times and gets smacked in the face once more by Iron Man, he is seen bleeding a drop of purple blood, and he wipes his face a couple of fingers, looks at the blood, and states “All that for a drop of blood?” and proceeds to beat up and tear away at the armor of Tony Stark. Shadow Fight 2 seems to have characters bleed a mild amount of blood after Critical Hits, but because it’s silhouetted, it’s ambiguous as to what color they are by entities such as humans, demons, and gods.

Tarantulas, like other spiders, usually have blue blood, or bluish-green or even greenish blood. Cockroaches have a tendency to have yellow, white, or light orange blood. Nautiluses have blue blood due to being cephalopods.

Killer Instinct actually had a variety of blood colors in each game since the original. Humans such as Jago, Orchid, T.J. Combo, and Thunder constantly have had red blood since the beginning. Glacius has blue blood, but doesn’t seem to bleed much of it in Killer Instinct (2013). Saberwulf consistently has green blood, and this is most noticeable in Killer Instinct (2013). Spinal has no blood, unsurprisingly. Fulgore bleed green blood colors in the first two games, but finally stopped bleeding blood in Killer Instinct (2013). Gargos has always had purple blood and Eyedol always had red blood. Cinder had orange blood in the first game, and like Glacius, he probably hardly bleeds at all, if at all, in Killer Instinct (2013). Mira has reflective grey blood in Killer Instinct, akin to the element mercury. Arbiter has purple blood in Killer Instinct (2013), true to his species, the Sangheili, in Halo. On the topic of Halo, humans bleed red blood, and as already mentioned, the Sangheili have purple blood. Unggoy and Kig-Yar have blue blood and purple blood, respectively. Lego games, especially the ones that are adaptations of movies and others, tend to avoid blood and mainly resort to cartoony dismemberment/injuries. The Bookworm Adventures games have droplets of red blood as a particle effect to represent gradual damage. This obviously doesn’t reflect the actual blood colors of the entities, per se, and the first and second games (the Bookworm Adventures games, obviously) are definitely rated E10+ due to animated blood rather than over changing blood colors to something other than red. Lex Bookworm himself most likely has chlorocruorin blood. Going back to Greek Mythology, Heracles almost certainly changed blood colors from red to gold or blue when he died and ascended to godhood. Others such as Asclepius and Psyche also ascended to godhood and likely went through the same process.

In Star Wars, multiple specieses have red blood, such as humans, the chiss, the aqualish, and zabraks. Yoda’s species, duroses, and trandoshans have green blood. The Talz have blue blood, the Geonosians have yellow blood, and Devaronians have black blood. The robots in Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith May have had machine blood, which can sort of be seen as Darth Vader uses the force to wreck the room around him after his cyborgization. Moving on to Star Trek, humans, as usual, have red blood, and Vulcans are known for their copper-based green blood, and Klingon blood tends to be from pink to lavender. Being related to the Vulcans, Romulans also have green blood. There’s red blood in Spaceballs and Pizza The Hutt most likely has cheese for blood. In Galaxy Quest, and it did have a sequel comic, the humans have red blood, the Fatu-Krey have green to dark green blood, and the Thermians have dark blue blood, especially since their true forms are octopi aliens. Also, that one pig alien had green blood, and the rock Giant definitely had no blood.

Let’s talk about DC Comics. There has been black blood for censorship over other blood colors in the past, especially in place of red blood. There’s definitely plenty of red blood in comics, in general, especially in DC Comics. Mongul has been shown to have purple blood on more than one specific occasion. Mongul Jr. and Mongal actually have purple blood by biological extension. When ripped in half by Superman in one New 52 comic, Doomsday is seen splattering in bluish-purple blood. Solomon Grundy seems to briefly bleed green blood in the Injustice videogame after Green Arrow shoots him with a few of his arrows. He’s consistently depicted with red blood outside of his, unlike The Hulk. In the 90’s Superman cartoon, when Darkseid has his laser beams forced INTO HIS EYES by Superman and blows up the place him and the latter were fighting in, Darkseid seems to have black blood and… orange flesh. Superhuman had red blood in that fight, so it was mostly not necessarily a matter of censorship. Darkseid tends to be depicted with red blood outside of this, usually. The Anti-Monitor seems to have powerful energy for blood. Makes sense, since he’s an extremely overpowered antimatter entity. The Parademons in the Joss Whedon cut of the Justice League splatter in green blood, and Steppenwolf has purple blood. This is omitted in Zack Snyder’s Justice League, as Steppenwolf has dark red blood, instead, and the parademons have red blood, but the Green Lantern alien in both cuts has green blood coming out of the stump of wrist in both cuts.

In Marvel Comics, the Skrull are depicted with green blood. Hulk is consistently shown having green blood, more so than red blood or black blood, matching the color of his skin and his association with radioactively and gamma radiation. This is also shown in the MCU films, mainly in the first three Phases. Thanos has red blood in the comics, unsurprisingly. As mentioned some paragraphs ago, Thanos is shown having purple blood multiple times in Avengers: Infinity War, and also in Avengers: Endgame. In the former, Gamora is shown to have green blood after falling to her death, and Proxima Midnight sheds blue blood, as she’s barely visibly bisected in half in battle. Corvus Glaive and Cull Obsidian/Black Dwarf have red blood. An Abilisk is shown having yellow blood in Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2. The multi-armed outriders have red blood.

In Pac-Man 256, the ghosts can splatter in the colors that they appear to be, which is most likely their ectoplasm.

Image Comics entities have varying blood colors. The zombies in The Walking Dead have red blood, appropriately like most zombies in media, having been formerly living humans. Spawn, the character, has green blood known as necroplasm. Certain creatures in the Invincible Verse have different blood colors. Humans, Viltrumites, and Unopans have red blood. There have been reanimen with red blood, and one occasion, green blood. There was one alien involved with the Viltrumites that had turquoise colored blood. Thraxans have been detected either with pink blood in the comics or somewhat dark blue blood in the Invincible TV show. This is inverted with the Flaxans; they have green blood in the comics, but have red blood in the show. The Shapesmith has green in the comics. On the planet where Invincible killed Conquest for good, there were insects with white blood. The Rognarrs have purple to mauve blood.

R-Type Delta has aliens that typically bleed red blood. The Bydo entities in the last level have yellow blood. The miniboss in the first stage of R-Type Final has purple blood.

In the obscure top down vertical shmupa Star Defender 4 there are Insectus aliens introduced in the first mission with green blood.

Jets ’N Guns and Jets ’N Guns Gold feature zombies, arthropods, and giant cell creatures with green blood. The humans, certain aliens, and the games’ villain Xoxx has red blood.

Disney Hercules has the Hydra bleed green slime for for blood. The Jabberwocky from the Disney Remakes of Alice In Wonderland has purple blood. Humpty Dumpty, the version from the Puss In Boots movies and greater Shrek Verse, has yellow yolk for blood due to being an anthropomorphic egg. Thanatos and Gaia seem to bleed yellow ichor in the God Of War games, with the former having dark outlines with his blood and the latter having her blood likely also represent sap. Rainbow Kombat in MK9 causes to multiple blood colors such as red, green, and blue, as well as others, to come out of the target randomly every hit, essentially giving opponents rainbow blood. The Leprechaun in the Leprechaun horror movie franchise has green blood. Piccolo in the Dragon Ball series has been depicted with multiple different blood colors, such as red, light green, and purple. Purple is the one he consistently is associated with. Frieza’s blood is inconsistent, ranging from red, to purplish-red, to blue, and Cell has been depicted with either purple blood or green blood. Buu almost certainly has pink blood, and those dinosaur creatures that Zamasu killed had blue blood. Zamasu himself most likely has purple blood, as it sort of seems to be when his body destabilizes. Jiren has red blood. The Killer Klowns from Killer Klowns From Outer Space seem to have either red blood or green blood. Saw VII’s 3D effect made the blood usually appear as pinkish-red for most people in the movie, even on the DVD release. Freddy Krueger has been depicted with multiple blood colors, such as green, red, and black. Jason Voorhees seems to have brown blood in Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, and has red blood consistently outside of this.

There are multiple tropes associated with blood and blood colors, such as Black Blood that can be for censorship, and Blue Bloods that have to do with royalty, but the term sort of is associated with and may have originated from blue lobster blood, though this is unlikely and may have to just be associated with blue being a royal color. Also, Machine Blood is a thing from before. The zombies in the zombie shooter series have red blood. Symbolic Blood can be symbolic, as it says on the tin, or also literal.

Most boss zombies outside of Zombie Shooter 2 have purple blood on death, meaning that they likely bleed red blood as a visual indicator rather than actually having it. There are models on the page Alien Shooter 2: Reloaded - Objects Extended Project (Old version) on the ModDB site with magenta flesh and blood for the zombies, period.

In the YouTube video Mew Being Cute, but its attacks are horrifying (Pokemon Animation) by NCHProductions, Snorlax has black blood. Gorgons in Greek Mythology have red blood, especially since they’re weird snake people. The Na’vi from Avatar have red blood.

In Hollow Knight, most insects such as Hornet and Zote have white blood. Void entities such as The Hollow Knight himself that you play as, simply known as The Knight, has black blood. The Infected insects have orange blood, and there is a mask that makes the player bleed blue blood when damaged. A unicorn in the Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone/Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone movie has grey blood. In The Binding Of Isaac, alot of creatures have red blood, strangely including flies and spiders, and gurglers, (gurgle) splashes, and gurgles have green blood. Tobi in Naruto appears to have white blood, and Madara in his stronger forms such as his Juubidara form appears to have grey or greyish blood. Dried blood in the original Berserk anime appears to be purple. Humans in Danganropa appear to bleed hot pink blood, symbolically. The Daleks in Doctor Who apparently have static electricity for blood, but it is possible for them to have green blood as mutants. Cybermen have white blood, Raxacoricofallapatorians have red blood, weeping angels have no blood as they’re literal statues, and the Ood have purple blood. In the A Song Of Ice And Fire books, Drogon is a dragon described to have black blood. In the Harley Quinn show, Poison Ivy has dark green blood, and the tree monsters have green blood. In The Suicide Squad (2021), Starro himself has red blood, but his star-spawn have purple blood. Black and white animations tend to depict blood in black or darker shades of grey.

Creepypastas are an oddballs case regarding blood. They tend to be stories that focus on or generally have lots of blood. Alot of them have red blood or solely show red blood, such as the Sonic.exe copypasta. Slenderman has been depicted with red blood and black blood. The Photonegative Mickey Costume has yellow blood in the Abandoned By Disney story by Slimeneast. A note describes it as “puke”, but this is not really the case, as it keeps coming from the suit itself.

Bolt in the Disney’s Bolt discovers red blood from himself bleeding. Thirium is the blue blood of androids in Detroit: Become Human. The Xen aliens in the Half-Life series have yellow blood. There was an instance in the Megaman X series where a reploid died and bleed green oil for blood. Homestuck has a variety of blood colors, and literally has a blood (color) caste system based on such, being on a scale known as the hemospectrum. Undertale has Sans The Skeleton bleed red blood while dying. Toriel May have black blood. Smurfs have been shown to have red blood at some point. Gods Of Egypt inverts what God Of War does and gives most of not all gods golden colored blood that’s likely ichor. In the obscure shmup Alien Sky, the third boss seems to have light red blood, and the sixth boss basically has green blood. Monsters in After The End have red blood. Stitch’s blood is pink in Lilo And Stitch. In Adventure Time, humans and other creatures have red blood, oozers appear to have green blood, and Citadel Guardians have white blood. The Pacific Rim movies have Kaiju with blue blood. In American Dad!, it’s strongly implied can change his blood color between his default purple and human red.
Clarence from Final Space has purple blood. In Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, Miles Morales’s blood turns blue briefly after being bitten by the radioactive “42” spider, and in the sequel, it splatters in blue blood against an open book, like real life spiders. Tamatoa most likely has blue blood due to being a giant crab monster. Jiminy Cricket also most likely has green or yellow blood due to being an anthropomorphic cricket man. Most of the alien blood in Sym-Bionic Titan is green. Perses is not shown bleeding in God Of War II and God Of War III, but he likely has lava for blood unlike the explosive harpies encountered canonically earlier in the series. Polygon Man in Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale visibly bleeds blue energy as he gets more and more torn apart.

Dwarf Fortress has alot of organisms that bleed red blood. There are certain creatures such as the bronze colossuses that don’t have blood altogether. Troll blood is canonically cyan colored, certain sea creatures have dark blue blood, invertebrates have white “ichor” for blood, fire imps have grey goof for blood, and blood men are made of red blood.

Rick And Morty has many blood colors. Humans and some aliens have red blood. That one cat person that got shot in the head has purple blood. King Jellybean has turquoise blood. The memory parasites have mauve blood. The Microverse aliens have orange blood. Magdalians loans are cat people with red blood.
Rick probably has light green blood as a pickle.
Floop Floopians have green blood. In Rick: A Mort Well Lived, the alien terrorists have blue blood. The Mr. Meeseeks’s have white blood. Chuxly and his men have purple blood. The Gromflomites have dark blue blood.

Despite some claiming hemolymph is not blood or only analogous to it, it definitely is blood, as it is a circulatory fluid that certain animals need to live that can carry nutrients, proteins, and ions, and octopi squids have closed circulatory systems.

In the older editions of Warhammer Fantasy, Chaos Champions and mutants had the ability to have other substances besides red blood for blood, such as protoplasm that can spawn monsters, mud, literal animals, and other disgusting substitutes for regular liquid blood of standard colors. In the Dragon Age series, the blue lyrium is the blood of titans. ADAM from BioShock may be red due to its association with humans. The enemies in the Quake series usually have red blood. Gekks have yellow blood. Scalebearer has blue blood. Clutch has yellow blood. In the original Unreal, the Mercenaries have green blood. The Necris have black blood in Unreal Tournament. Skiph’s Blood is a shimmering purple in Terraria, and the Moon Lord likely has turquoises blood that matches his flesh in that game; ghouls in that game vary in blood color and skin color, too. In the Teen Titans (2003) cartoon, Slade gets orange blood when he’s undead. Joker’s Final Smash in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate causes silhouetted sparkles to come out of hit opponents. Human zombies have red blood in the Plants Vs. Zombies franchise, as well as the chicken zombies and weasels in the second game. The dragonflies in the second game have yellowish-green blood. In the YTP Attack of the Killer, the crab monsters have yellow blood. In the Japanese SNES version of Mortal Kombat II, everyone has green blood, and the screen turns black and white for most Fatalities. The Smurfs splatter in purple in The Drawn Together Movie. In Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpion’s Revenge, the demons bleed yellowish-orange blood, and Reptile strangely has red blood instead of green. In Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle Of The Realms, D’Vorah has dark green blood, and The One Being has neon yellow blood. Tremor has yellowish-orange blood in Mortal Kombat Legends: Snowblind, and Kano has a bit of black oil for blood and red blood. Reptile seems to have green blood, as seen on Kano’s hand as he held his heart in Mortal Kombat (2021), but it’s hard to see, and for most of the fight, the red lighting made it seem like may have been red blood or black blood. The Tao Tei from The Great Wall (2016) have green blood. Edgar The Bug has brown blood in Men In Black, the literal illegal alien immigrant in the beginning has blue blood, Jeebs is a Skook with green blood, Roman The Fabulist is a Byvoid with purple blood, and Boris The Animal seems to have brown blood in Men In Black 3. Red from the NES Godzilla Copypasta seems to have grey blood, after being burned severely by Solomon, but these could (also) be burn marks, instead. Hypothetically, if Toads from the Super Mario series have blood, it would probably be non-reproductive spores that match their hat color. Then again, vim in Mario And Luigi: Partners In Team can be seen as the green blood of Toads. It is unknown what kind of blood color the Elder Gods from Mortal Kombat could have, but it could be blue energy. The Black Arms in the Shadow The Hedgehog videogame have green blood. Zero Two from the Kirby series understandably has red blood. Marx is at one point implied to have cyan blood in that series. The T-1000 technically has reflective grey liquid metal for blood. The mutated Shredder has blue blood in the TMNT (2012) cartoon. The cyborgs of Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon have blue blood. Dark Matter from Kirby has black blood.
In Cthulhu Saves The World, Cthulhu states he has ink for blood, which is likely dark blue or black in his system. In the obscure Fantasy Action Flash game Spellstorm, spiders and worms have inverted blood: in this game, spiders have red blood, and worms have bluish-green blood. In Pixels (2015), the Volulans as solidified light lifeforms seem to bleed colored pixels that match their body as they fall apart. Revenants in the Mortal Kombat games have red blood. In Puss In Boots: The Last Wish, Puss In Boots briefly bleeds standard mammalian red blood; he reaches having his blood drawn by leeches earlier in the movie, and as mentioned before, they have weird chlorocruorin blood in real life. Instead of exploding in red blood, the Baker’s Dozen A.K.A. Jack Horner’s human minions in this movie explode in confetti and magical colored dust right after being shot with unicorn horns. The Ethical Bug and the Phoenix are never seen bleeding in the movie. Perrito bleeds red blood in the climax. In Bloodborne, there are entities that bleed green blood or grey blood. In Elden Ring, the humanoid albinaurics have light grey blood. Ripley 8 has red, acidic blood in Alien: Resurrection, and Engineers in the later movies have light green blood. The Hell-Hounds in Predators have red blood, like human dogs, while Predator Hounds have neon green blood in The Predator (2018). The Cenobites from the Hellraiser franchise have red blood. Deadites tend to have green blood, blue blood, and black blood. In Hades the videogame, Zagreus has red blood, unlike the regular Gods in the game with golden yellow ichor for blood. In the Flash Gordon movie, Ming The Merciless has green blood, and General Kala has black blood. The Strangers from Dark City have red blood normally, but have black blood when possessing dead people. Oni from the Street Fighter series and Zumbi Azul from Capoeira Fighter 3: Ultimate World Tournament probably have blue blood that matches their flesh. In Deadpool 2, Shatterstar splatters in green blood. In The Thing, Norris-Thing has green blood. In the Transformers series, energon blood in Transformers comes in a variety of colors, such as blue, green, red, purple, and pink. In Sin City, That Yellow Bastard likely actually has yellow blood rather than simply symbolic blood. The Crites from Critters have green blood. The Collector and his minions have green blood in Demon Knight. The Fifth Element has the alien singer Diva Plavalaguna have blue blood. In Megaman X and Megaman X4, Zero is seen with red machine blood and there are a group of slaughtered robots with red oil for blood. The deceased Soldier in Super Metroid appears to have yellow blood, and there are implied references to their dead body outside of the game. Kirby probably has pink blood. Sonichu most likely has red blood due to being half hedgehog and half-Pikachu. Golems from the Torah have no blood due to being made of solidified, originally inanimate matter such as clay or mud. Polycythemia is a real life condition that’s always serious and occurs in humans that is the opposite to sulfhemoglobinemia and methemoglobinemia: it is the condition that causes the excessive production of red blood cells, and is a blood cancer. The Grunt Birthday Party effect in the Halo series causes confetti to fly out from headshot kills. Metroid: Fusion’s Nightmare seems to be bleed green blood that matches its flesh. It’s not the original one because of the X Parasites infestation, but it’s there. Aranae Lebes from Sky Force: Reloaded has light green machine blood that’s probably acid, and it can be first seen when it’s decapitated and disarmed. The Doom Mod Brutal Doom consistently had blue blood for cacodemons, but used to have red blood for Barons Of Hell and Hell Knights, but eventually got their green blood back. Project Brutality is another Doom blood and gore mod, but with the previous monsters consistently having the same blood from the games but more consistently bleeding their colors when being damaged. Newer versions had more monsters with the same blood colors are the classic/vanilla monsters. Complex Clusterfuck Doom is a mod with a shitton of monsters that have varying blood colors including new ones and even respective blood colors when damaged, like with the previous two mods, and those blood colors include and are not limited to: red, green, blue, black, and purple. In Gradius III, the Arcade version, not the SNES one, when Bacterian himself blows up, his remains attached to the fleshy part of Mechanical Base appear to strips of reddish-purple flesh, which may indicate he has red blood or reddish-purple blood. Gregol in this game probably has orange blood due to their orange veins in their eye. This may be the case for Golem, but he’s had more and redder appearances, and definitely had red blood in Salamander 2. Doom is not shown bleeding in the latter game, but has purple flesh, and Abadon and a handful of fleshy enemies have red blood in the aforementioned game, and there also a couple of enemies with reddish-orange blood. The Zelos Forces are giant red organisms that resemble eyeballs from the Salamander games and Gradius series, and they most likely have red blood and/or even yellow blood if their veins and yellow colorations are anything to go by. Steve from the Steve Lichman comic is an undead skeletal looking man, and in the first comic, he gets stabbed by some guy, both persons hoping for his death, but he doesn’t seem to bleed properly, only having a black colored hole that briefly appears in his body; he probably has either red blood or black blood. Th gnoll in the comic comedically dies with red blood. Robocop is shown having a grey, oil substance for blood as a cyborg in the original Robocop movie. Now let’s get back to Sheeva, again. In Mortal Kombat 11, Skarlet states that she can’t wait to drink Sheeva’s green blood, and Sheeva states that Shokan blood runs red, and Skarlet mentions that she must be from a different timeline. Skarlet herself can manipulate blood of varying colors, and for some odd reason, states in one of her intros with Robocop that she can’t manipulate his blood due to it being this previously mentioned grey oil rather than regular kinds of blood, but she can manipulate it in gameplay just fine. Blood is more or less avoided being shown in WordGirl, but it could be said that Maria The Energy Monster bleeds electricity that matches her. The blood of Sentinels in No Man’s Sky is colored purple. The Hunger Games Simulator doesn’t state blood colors by default, and the humans from the books and movies have red blood. It could be customized to include toxic blood that is red or non-red to be used as weapons against tributes, and characters that canonically have varying blood colors by their respective verse can be put in as tributes. In Season 1 of Redo Of Healer, the dragon that’s seen bleeding into a river appears to have orange blood. There is an unused sprite in Deltarune that shows Susie bleeding a color that’s a shade of red. The time traveling T-800’s that resemble humans in the Terminator franchise have red blood due to essentially wearing a suit of flesh to resemble humans. Chucky in the Child’s Play franchise has white stuffing for blood before his body becomes fleshy, and it becomes the latter, it’s the standard human red. In Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, the Kraken is shown to have red flesh; Davy Jones’s body most likely has blue blood due to being a cephalopod man in the movie, but his heart that was ripped out of them most definitely has red blood. The paddles from Reaxxion arguably have shiny grey liquid Metal for blood, but they seem to not need it to live. In Crusaders Of Space, blood is only arguably shown in certain colored explosions in the first two games. The monster blood from the Goosebumps books and show is green. The Coluans from DC Comics have been depicted to have either green blood or red blood. There’s no blood visibly shown in the obscure online game Robokill: Titan Prime, but there’s definitely plenty of it in Robokill 2: Leviathan Five. Some creatures probably actually have different colored blood, such as the immobile fleshy pods that explode after being sufficiently damaged, but red blood is shown when organic creatures take damage. In the Dogknights RPG comic, Rory kills yellow bug-like creatures at some point. Abyss in Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 definitely usually has green blood. The alternate universe version of Smoke in Mortal Kombat 1 (2023) known simply as LK-7T2 that’s briefly encountered in the finale of the game has indigo blood. Makes sense, since it’s the cyborg version of him. He also had a similar blood color in MKIII, UMKIII, and MKT. Megamind seems to have bluish-purple as seen on his skin, but he never bleeds in the movie or in the short. The Silver Surfer is never seen bleeding, but when he was Norrin Radd, he most likely had red blood due to his human appearance. In The Amazing World Of Gumball, the Milk guy literally has white milk for blood. Penny Fitzgerald may have blood that matches her shapeshifted forms. Mr. Cuddles would have blue blood like Gumball’s skin color due to being a tarantula. Ectoplasm of varying colors exist in the show. Twelve and Eleven from the Street Fighter series probably have white blood. In the Complex Clusterfuck Doom mod, Legendary Monsters have blue blood, and are much, much faster, more durable, and stronger than their normal counterparts, Rage Monsters are the same but with red blood and higher stats, and Nemesis Monsters take this even further and with black blood. Blood mods for MK11 and MK1 (2023) exist, allowing the user of the mod to change blood colors uniformly from their defaults to green, to red, to blue, to purple, to grey, to black to white, to pink, to yellow, to orange, to maroon, to cyan, to teal, to turquoise, to brown, to indigo, to violet, to tan, etc. This also changes flesh color, typically. Kiwi birds have red blood, and if there were onions people, they’d have onion juice of varying colors for blood that matches their body. Cows have red blood. Sea scorpions are extinct animals, but they mostly likely had yellow blood. Cy-Bugs in Wreck-It Ralph have green blood by default. Danny Fenton bleeds green ectoplasm for blood when he’s a ghost in Danny Phantom. The Seven Deadly Sins anime tends to have red blood and occasional odd white blood censorship, but certain creatures have purple blood, though it’s not seen too often. In Alien: Resurrection, the Newborn xenomorph has red blood due to its human DNA. The Predalien in Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem has yellowish-green acidic blood like with other regular xenomorphs. The occasional strange White Blood Censorship in certain anime can be humorously likened to semen or milk. The EVA’s bleed red blood in Evangelion, but Lilith has orange LCL fluid for blood, and Unit-02 has purple blood. Dorohedoro’s magic users have black sparkles in their red blood. The blood of Pokémon certainly varies, it is hardly ever seen in the series. In Pokémon Emerald, Cacturne’s blood is described as having turned to and being sand due to evolutionary reasons. Doki Doki Literature Club has red blood in most versions, and had black blood in the PlayStation version. In the MCU Guardians Of The Galaxy, Nebula is briefly seen with brown blood in Vol. 3. Shin Megami Tensei has blood, but it’s mostly either red blood or varying colors of energy for blood.
Eye Of The Beholder (1991) is a Dungeons And Dragons-based game, and the villain, Xanathar, is a beholder with green blood. The Moon Man Doom mod has everyone, including the rock man himself, the farcical Moon Man version of Mac Tonight, have red blood. In Thor: Ragnarok, Hela has red blood, Surtur has orange blood, and there’s a dragon that splatters green blood, purple blood, and yellow blood. Discworld Elves have green blood that’s copper based rather than the human red blood. Mina Assisi from My Hero Academia probably has light blue blood that matches the acid that she can manipulate and secrete. In the shmup Astro Fury, the first boss seems to have red blood. In Astro Avenger 2, the aliens may have blood that matches their body and flesh, or the green plasma that can be collected for blood. Digimon can bleed blue data, as seen in Digimon Adventure (2020). The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon has Sandman being able to bleed light brown sand when struck hard enough. Electro hypothetically has neon yellow blood with blue outlines in that show. In Mortal Kombat II Remix, Revision 1.1, everyone except Reptile has red blood, and the latter has green blood. Playerunknown’s Battlegrounds mobile version can switch between red blood and green blood, and the PC version can switch between these colors and blue as well as purple. Juniper from The Camp Half-Blood series has green blood due to being a dryad. The orcs and trolls in The Lord Of The Rings books have black blood. The angels and demons in Paradise Lost all have golden ambrosia blood. The Titans from Attack On Titan have red blood, unsurprisingly.
The Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure game (1998) has censored versions with white blood instead of red blood. The DeviantArt image Trollface.exe by OppositeOfFace (Now deleted account) has black blood coming from his eyes. The art piece Hunger by Frederik Andreasson features a human or human-like figure that almost certainly has black blood. Regular Wojaks and their variants are typically depicted with red blood, but there have been some with black blood.
Havik, unlike his name, has consistently red blood throughout the Mortal Kombat series. In the Samurai Jack series, there are robot bugs that bleed black blood that’s oil, and humans like Jack himself have red blood, and so do the Daughters Of Aku. There are demons and monsters in the show that bleed smoke and goop. There isn’t liquid blood in the Gnomeo And Juliet movies, but they definitely have ceramic insides. Back to Adventure Time for a moment: Warren Ampersand has bright green blood, and Kee-Oth’s blood is red. In the Teen Titans (2003) cartoon, and there is a moment that shows that the Teen Titans all have red blood. In Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, the living cooked chickens have no blood. The Marvel villain Dr. Keith Kilham A.K.A. Hazmat almost certainly has green blood. The Purple Guy also known as William Afton from Five Nights At Freddy’s obviously has red blood due to being a human, while it’s unknown whether or not Michael Afton has red blood as his decayed, purple self. There’s mostly red blood in the first and second One Night At Flumpty’s games shown. The One Night At Flumpty’s 2 troll game has Flumpty with yellow yolk for blood, and Birthday Boy Blam as well as Grunkfuss The Clown have red blood in the game. Most of the characters not counting the Flumpty Bumpty clones, Skull/Another Flumpty Bumpty, Furnace/Fireside Flumpty Bumpty, Spider/Fucking Animating Flumpty Bumpty, Eye/All-Seeing Eye Flumpty Bumpty, Pop-up Flumpty Bumpty/Flumpty.exe, Shadow Flumpty Bumpty, and Door Flumpty Bumpty have red blood in One Night At Flumpty’s 3, but Golden Flumpty likely has black blood, as in the camera where he is seemingly killed with the other dead bodies he has the least red blood on his side and doesn’t have red blood seemingly coming out of him, as he most likely has black blood, and he leaks the black yolk fluid in all three games. It’s kept kind of ambiguous whether or not The Redman has red blood in that same game, but he likely actually does. In the first Hotel Transylvania, and also in the subsequent movies/films, Blobby has green slime for blod, due to being a slime monster. Humans and vampires like Dracula most definitely have red blood, and it’s unknown what blood color Frankenstein’s Monster has in the movies, since he’s sealed up at the stumps of his body parts, and he may have blue blood. Kim Possible’s Shego may have green blood, but this is unlikely since she’s very close to human. Same with Dr. Drakken regarding blue blood, but he could have methemoglobinemia, albeit to a less severe degree. Shang Tsung can hypothetically transform into a variety of different creatures with a variety of different blood colors. He can transform into the green blooded Reptile in multiple games, and transform into the blue blooded D’Vorah in MK11. Pazuzu in The Exorcist most likely has red blood, especially considering the faces he quite literally makes. In Leprechaun 3, Scott eventually acquired dark green blood, like Lubdan The Leprechaun, who bit him and caused his transformation in the movie. Just like Chucky, Tiffany also gradually goes from white stuffing for blood to red blood in the Child’s Play series. Storm Hawks’s The Wastelands has monsters that probably have yellow to orange blood that’s most likely lava.
The Bomberman games basically avoid blood for the most part, and the Bombermen are basically robots. The beetles from Animal Crossing most likely have yellow blood. Almost every Villager animal has red blood, very likely. Color blindness and schizophrenia can affect how a person sees blood. In The Tree Of Life furry comic by Zummeng, chaos zombies and monsters have magenta blood.

Ladybugs have yellow blood, most scale insects have red blood that’s not hemoglobin, starfish technically have water for blood, squids have blue blood due to being cephalopods, and eels have red blood. Colors of blood can easily go onto a rainbow.

Socrates of Athens you stupid fuck you hack of a YouTube commenter that’s not how evolution works you made me break character in this damn copypasta and made me destroy most of the punctuation and also dogs have red blood and scarabs have yellow blood.

Steamboat Willy has black blood due to being a monochromatic black and white entity.

 

[Kan]

(From the second guy on the Cheese Wars thread from Kiwi Farms:)

Gouda, Brie, American Cheese, Pecorino Romano, Cheddar, Manchego, Camembert, Smoked Gouda, Provolone, Babybel, Parmesan, Mascarpone, Mozzarella, Asiago, Feta, Le Gruyere AOP, Gorgonzola, Monterey Jack, Stilton, Abbaye de Belloc, Taleggio, Grana Padano, Swiss, Boursin, Cotija, Fontina Val d’Aosta, Roquefort, Blue Vein Cheese, Emmental, Grana, Jarlsberg, Mozzarella di Bufala, Pepper Jack, Munster, Bocconcini, Fromage Frais, Ricotta Salata, Cream Havarti, Scamorza, Fromage a Raclette, Chevre, Pecorino, Burrata, Halloumi, Aged Gouda, Fresh Mozzarella, Colby, Limburger, Paneer, Queso Blanco, Port-Salut, Adelost, Abondance, Butterkase, Brillat-Savarin, Comte, Camembert de Normandie, Reblochon, Longhorn, Oaxaca, Airag, Abbaye du Mont des Cats, Saint Agur, Cottage Cheese, Panela, Acapella, Fresh Truffles, Romano, Wensleydale, Double Gloucester, Red Leicester, Abbaye de Citeaux, Colby-Jack, Caciocavallo, Crottin de Chavignol, Cream Cheese, Zanetti Parmigiano Reggiano, Juustoleipa, Baby Swiss, Le Roule, Brie de Meaux, Berkswell, Fresh Ricotta, Maasdam, Canadian Cheddar, Ambert, Tommes, Cantal, Menonita, Crescenza, Queso Ibérico, Crema Mexicana, Sage Derby, Geitost, Brick, Kasseri, Bel Paese, Affidelice au Chablis, Pave d’Affinois, Muenster, Danablu, Acorn, Afuega’l Pitu, Abbot’s Gold, La Vache Qui Rit, Buffalo, Caerphilly, Tomme de Chevre, Bath Cheese, Epoisses de Bourgogne, Cheshire, Neufchatel, Blue Castello, Basket Cheese, Saint-Nectaire, Cabrales, Stinking Bishop, Cotswold, Sainte Maure, Applewood, Fiore Sardo, Dolcelatte, Pont l’Eveque, Cahill’s Irish Porter Cheddar, Zanetti Grana Padano, Langres, Seriously Strong Cheddar, Il Boschetto al Tartufo, Appenzeller, Montasio, Ossua-Iraty, Ami du Chambertin, Vignotte, Wigmore, Humboldt Fog, Saint-Paulin, Brie de Melun, Maytag blue, Armenian String Cheese, Délice de Bourgogne, Kashkaval, Bra, Abbaye de Belval, Quark, Valencay, Provel, Pule, Etorki, Banon, Morbier, Boulette d’Avesnes, Breakfast Cheese, Caciotta, Idiazabal, Bavarian Bergkase, Allgauer Emmentaler, Bresse Bleu, Airedale, Livarot, Mimolette, Tomme de Savoie, Toma, Burgos, Ardrahan, Danbo, Requeson, Aisy Cendre, Ragusano, Castelmagno, Saint-André, Aged Chelsea, Caravane, String, Chaource, Bleu des Causses, Huntsman, Yorkshire Blue, Cougar Gold, Coulommiers, Tillamook cheddar, Beenleigh Blue, Danish Feta, Brin d’Amour, Somerset Brie, Ardi Gasna, Zamorano, Dry Jack, Vacherin Fribourgeois, Lincolnshire Poacher, Caprice des Dieux, Bandal, Creamy Lancashire, Queso Fresco, Petit-Suisse, Aragon, Oxford Blue, Manouri, Grève, Maroilles, Derby, Bierkase, Crowdie, Vacherin, Marbled Cheeses, Queso Para Frier, Chabichou du Poitou, Marble Cheddar, Soumaintrain, Esrom, Boursault, Bosworth, Leyden, Chaumes, Cotherstone, Explorateur, Tyning, Anneau du Vic-Bilh, White Stilton with Mango & Ginger, Perail de Brebis, Cabécou, Anthotyro, Hereford Hop, Saint-Marcellin, Alverca, Fleur du Maquis, Baladi, Quartirolo Lombardo, Waterloo, Brocciu, Bleu de Laqueuille, Brie au Poivre, Sonoma Jack, Cold Pack, Beyaz Peynir, Mamirolle, Tomme Brulee, Tetilla, Spenwood, Autun, Coeur de Camembert au Calvados, Beemster Extra Aged, Kapiti Kikorangi, Rocamadour, Dauphin, Baguette Laonnaise, Fougerus, Leerdammer, Aromes au Gene de Marc, Piave Vecchio, Mascarpone Torta, Cashel Blue, Wensleydale w/ Cranberries, Golden Cross, Picos de Europa, Finn, Vasterbottenost, Bryndza, Parrano, Canestrato, Flower Marie, Sap Sago, Myzithra, Mothais a la Feuille, Mycella, Salers, Gammelost, Shropshire blue, Kadchgall, Raschera, Harbourne Blue, Wellington, Gloucester, Vulscombe, Basing, Capricorn Somerset Goats Cheese, Cuajada, Graviera, Filetta, Olde York, Brebis de Lavort, Australian Blue Vein, Roncal, Exmoor Blue, Australian Washed Rind Cheese, Carre de l’Est, Mun-chee, Rigotte, Hushållsost, Cornish Yarg, Brin, Devon Blue, Buchette d’Anjou, Bishop Kennedy, Murol, Laguiole, Toscanello, Royalp Tilsit, Double Worcester, Bougon, Torta del Casar, Tete de Moine, Sancerre, Danish Fontina, Bergader, Pavé d’Auge, Pinconning, Saint Albray, Brousse du Rove, Roule, Coverdale, Xynotyro, Le Brin, Fontainebleau, Reggianito, Coeur de Chèvre, Sottocenere al Tartufo, Australian Mozzarella, Tamie, Castigliano, Celtic Promise, Tibetan, Duddleswell, Picodon de Chevre, Asiago Pressato, Saga, Butte, Cendre d’Olivet, Emmental Grand Cru, Ballylough, Gospel Green, Tourmalet, Dunsyre Blue, La Taupinière, Gorgonzola Cremificato, Selles sur Cher, Buxton Blue, Cheese Curds, Sharpham, Charolais, Chevrotin des Aravis, Gratte Paille, Bruder Basil, Beemster Aged, Pant ys Gawn, Fourme de Montbrison, Mascares, Fromage Corse, Beemster Classic, Caciotta Al Tartufo, Piave, Macconais, Casciotta di Urbino, Trou du Cru, Fresh Jack, Sirène, Galbani, Grafton Village Cheddar, Orkney Extra Mature Cheddar, Red Windsor, Figue, Edelpilz, Lou Palou, Tymsboro, Brunost, Anthotyro Fresco, Venaco, Nokkelost, Gubbeen, Dunlop, Niolo, Australian Cottage Cheese, Cerney Pyramid, Briquette de Brebis, Crottin du Chavignol, Crayeux de Roncq, Herrdardsost, Mont D’or Lyonnais, Denhany Dorset Drum, Cachaille, Olivet Cendre, Pecorino in Walnut Leaves, Australian Ricotta, Fromage de Montagne de Savoie, Hoop Cheese, Queso Jalapeno, Morbier Cru de Montagne, Galette Lyonnaise, Castelo Branco, Pannerone, Curé Nantais, Tommes de Romans, Esbareich, Formaggio di Capra, Serra da Estrela, Tournée de L’Aubier, Bouyssou, Sardo, Flor de Guia, Quercy Petit, Emlett, Olivet au Foin, Capriole Banon, Devon Garland, Sourire Lozerien, Claenzana, Frying Cheese, Albertam, Dorset Blue Vinney, Prastost, Kashta, Kiri, Little Black Bomber, Texas Goat Cheese, Beemster Graskaas, Boule du Roves, Poivre d’ ne, Dubliner, Pélardon des Cévennes, Mondseer, Fondant de Brebis, Sussex SlipCôte, Pourly, Crowley, Laruns, Caboc, Hervé, Graddost, Curworthy, Yarra Valley Fresh Pyramid, Grand Vatel, Blarney Castle, Nantais, Bergère Bleue, Pâte de Fromage, Margot, Grataron d’ Areches, Galette du Paludier, Rollot, Coquetdale, Petit Pardou, Heidi Cheese, Matocq, Civray, Fin-de-Siècle, Pouligny-Saint-Pierre, Asiago d’Allevo, Plymouth Cheese, Idaho Goatster, Greuilh, Vieux Corse, Pyramide, Havilah, Rustinu, Cornish Pepper, L’Aveyronnais, Avonlea Clothbound Cheddar, Sveciaost, Lingot Saint Bousquet d’Orb, Barry’s Bay Cheddar, Dreux a la Feuille, Tronchon, Quadrello di Bufala, Kefalotyri, Beemster 2% Milk, Duroblando, Delice des Fiouves, Pithtiviers au Foin, P’tit Berrichon, Fourme de Haute Loire, Balaton, Brebis du Puyfaucon, Pas de l’Escalette, Quatre-Vents, Lappi, Vendômois, Kernhem, Briquette du Forez, Friesla, Port Nicholson, L’Ecir de l’Aubrac, Rouleau De Beaulieu, Le Fium Orbo, Weichkaese, Olivet Bleu, Little Rydings, Telemea, Guerbigny, Boncester, Menallack Farmhouse, Pave de Chirac, Teifi, Loddiswell Avondale, Australian Neufchâtel, Innes Button, Kanafeh, Gris de Lille, Klosterkaese, Tommes des Chouans, Pasteurized Processed, Mahoe Aged Gouda, Harriot Farmhouse, Tillamook Smoked Black Pepper White Cheddar, Frinault, Gastanberra, Ulloa, Chab de Gâtine, Cathelain, Sraffordshire Organic, Le Lacandou, Blue Rathgore, Ridder, Durrus, Roman Part Dieu, Bethmale des Pyrenees, Blue Wensleydale, Calcagno, Palet de Babligny, Dutch Mimolette, Patefine Fort, Provolone Valpadana, Lou Pevre, Avaxtskyr, Regal de la Dombes, Shelburne Cheddar, Mihalic Peynir, Cahill’s Whiskey Cheese, Swaledale, Maribo, Chorlton Blue Cheshire, Coolea, Braudostur, Samso, Pelardon des Corbieres, Hubbardston Blue Cow, Boeren-Leidse Met Sleutels, Cairnsmore, Isle of Mull, Sbrinz, Crema Mexicana Agria, Cypress Grove Chevre, Goutu, Richelieu, Goutu, Australian Mascarpone, Orla, Evora De L’Alentejo, Doppelrhamstufel, Doolin, Cooleney, Gippsland Blue, Wookey Hole Cave Aged Cheddar, Evansdale Farmhouse Brie, Jindi Brie, Whitestone Farmhouse, Oscypek, Northumberland, Galloway’s Goat Milk Gems, Lajta, King River Gold, Beauvoorde, HarlechTruckle, Buche de Chevre, Challerhocker, Four Herb Gouda, Manur, Sweet Style Swiss, Corleggy, Fynbo, Passendale, Shanklish, Peekskill, Grey Owl, Queso del Tiétar, Saanenkaese, Rabacal, Yarra Valley Ashed Pyramid, Reypenaer, Oltermanni, Panamellera, Saalan Pfarr, Pyengana Cheddar, Ardsallagh Hard Goat’s Cheese, Meira, Woodside Cabecou, Croghan, La Serena, Lairobell, Monastery Cheeses, Malvern, Meyer Vintage Gouda, Montasio Mezzano, Queso del Montsec, Lanark Blue, Saint Felicien, Kervella Affine, Serat, Lebben, Lacy Swiss, Selva, Montasio Vecchio, Dunbarra, Processed Cheddar, King Island Cape Wickham Brie, Llangofan Farmhouse, Provolone del Monaco, Piora, Queso de Murcia, Mature Wensleydale, Loch Arthur Farmhouse, Jibneh Arabieh, Molbo, Tala, Imokilly regato, Maredsous, Schloss, Naboulsi, Turunmaa, Daralagjazsky, Piave Vecchio Selezione Oro, Brusselae Kaas, Reypenaer V.S.O.P., Tupi, Cwmtawe Pecorino, Folded Cheese w/ Mint, Buchetta a la Sarriette, Podhalański, Hipi Ita, Jermi Tortes, Mersey Valley Original Vintage, Jubilee Blue, Tasmania Highland Chevre Log, Mine-Gabhar, Nettle Meadow Kunik, Amish Frolic, Rubens, Montgomery’s Cheddar, Kugelkase, Provoleta, Bonne Bouche, Ardsallagh’s Soft Goat Cheese, Gornoaltajski, Picobello, Garrotxa, Cancoillotte, Ardsallagh’s Smoked Cheese, Grabetto, Pokolbin, Remedou, Golden Smoked Rebel, Tyn Grug, Appalachian, Pencarreg, Trappiste d’Igny, Waimata Farmhouse Blue, Catupiry, Trappiste de Bricquebec, Goya, Ameribella, Timboon Brie, Oschtjepka, Leafield, Dessertnyj Belyj, Piave Fresco, Prince-Jean, Penbryn, Red Dragon Truckle, Point Reyes Bay Blue, Bica de Queijo, Extra Mature Wensleydale, Prima Donna Maturo, Byaslag, Queso Media Luna, Sulguni, Reypenaer XO Reserve, Prima Donna, Llanboidy, Chontaleno, Beecher’s Flagship, Anari, Alpha Tolman, Queso Blanco con Frutas – Piña y Mango, Meredith Blue, Roumy, Cornish Brie, Postel, Blacksticks Blue, Oak Smoked Wensleydale, Aubisque Pyrenees, Rochebaron, Burwash Rose, Bleu Mont Dairy Bandaged Cheddar, Azeitao, Paški Sir, Bermuda Triangle, May Hill Green, Gamoneu, St. Killian, Woodside Charlston, Urda, Balfour, Bear Hill, Crema de Blue, Cabot Clothbound, Onions and Chives Cheddar, Prima Donna Forte, Scotch Bonnet Cheddar, Chavroux, Glebe Brethan, Zimbro, Lingot Des Causses, Piave Mezzano, Coolattin Cheddar, Roaring Forties Blue, Maisie’s Kebbuck, Farm Chanco, Prima Donna Fino, Milleens, Broncha, Ackawi, Stichelton, Cratloe Hills, Winnimere, Panquehue, Hooligan, Aura, Prima Donna Leggero, Westfield Farm Smoked Capri, Smoked Sulguni, Dunbarton Blue, Fuzzy Wheel, Pleasant Ridge Reserve, Landaff, Estero Gold Reserve, Carlow, Bleu d’Auvergne, Liliputas, Bega Processed Cheddar, Gorgonzola Dolce DOP, Accasciato, Txiki, Crozier, Gorwydd Caerphilly, Kennebec Highlands Caerphilly, Anejo Enchilado, Chiriboga Blue, Brinza – Feta Style, Cup Cheese, Woodside Alpine, Forsterkase, ADL Brick Cheese, Kanterkaas, Milawa Affine, Branza de Burduf, Bartlett, Chhurpi, Konig Ludwig King’s, Milawa Aged Blue, Mt. Scott, Milawa Blue, Wakatipu White, ADL Mild Cheddar, Milawa Goats Tomme, Milawa White, Bath Blue, Milawa Brie, Toma Piemontese, Trappe de la Coudre, Cropwell Bishop Blue Stilton, Gourmandise, Bayley Hazen Blue, Cacio di Bosco al Tartufo, Sartori Reserve Merlot Bellavitano, Appleby’s Double Gloucester, Amul Gouda, Za’atar Burrata, Cornish Kern, Midnight Moon, Cabecou Feuille D’Armagnac, Bismark, Cello Thick And Smooth Mascarpone, Allium Piper, Amul Pizza Mozzarella Cheese, Asher Blue, Barilotto, Sartori Reserve Black Pepper Bellavitano, Sosha, Lamb Chopper, La Tur, Dark/Snow Canyon Edam, Hafod, Barambah Organics Marinated Feta, Bloomsdale, Crumbly Lancashire, Wagon Wheel, Labneh, Sleightlett, Classics Fresh Mozzarella, Colston Bassett Stilton, Sartori Limited Edition Cognac Bellavitano, Purple Haze, Paglierino, Sartori Reserve Rosemary And Olive Oil Asiago, Old Ford, Alpine Gold, Dehesa De Los Llanos – Curado, Maggie’s Round, Pigoullie, Sartori Reserve BellaVitano Gold, Sartori Reserve Balsamic Bellavitano, Ailsa Craig, Cornish Wild Garlic Yarg, Ticklemore, Kaltbach Emmentaler AOP, Harbison, Capra Nouveau, Caciobufala, Alps Rebel, Blue Ledge La Luna, Aggiano, PsycheDillic, Bufalino, Laura Chenel’s Cabecou, Sartori Reserve Chai Bellavitano, Cornish Blue, Truffle Tremor, Zelu Koloria, Tasty Lancashire, Delamere Goats Cheese Logs, Crocodile Tear, Le Brebiou, Alma Vorarlberger Alpkase (3-5 Months), Wasabi Disc, Apple Walnut Smoked, Ogleshield, Perroche, LaClare Ziege Zacke Blue, Wellesley, Alma Vorarlberger Alpkase (10 Months), Alma Vorarlberger Alpkase (12 Months), Caciocavallo Podolico Vetus, Cardo, Chadwickbury, Chevre Log, Ragstone, Alma Vorarlberger Alpkase (6-9 Months), Cinerino, Cote Hill Blue, Dorstone, Black Pearl, Amul Cheese Spread, Sartori Reserve Espresso Bellavitano, Wabash Cannonball, Herbs de Humboldt, Wasatch Mountain Cheese, Amul Processed Cheese, Dehesa De Los Llanos – Gran Reserva, Mobay, Caprotto, Julianna, Amul Emmental, Chile Caciotta, Baron Bigod, Marisa, Zwitser, Boo Boo Baby Swiss, Sartori Classic MontAmore, Mona, Innes Brick, Ficaccio, Goats’ Milk Caciotta, Sgt. Pepper, The City Goat, Alma Vorarlberger Alpkase (6 Months), Innes Log, Weston Wheel, Mont Saint-Francis, Mastorazio, La Fleurie, Ms. Natural, Swag, West West Blue, Couronne Lochoise, Consider Bardwell Farm Manchester, Pecorino Mallo di Noce, Heat, Lil Moo, Ricotta di Pecora, Caciocavallo di Bufala, Sofia, Pecorino al Tartufo, Moses Sleeper, Legato, Dehesa De Los Llanos – Media Curación, Menage, Lady Jane, Lou Bergier Pichin, Danby, Midnight Blue, Minuet, Manteca, Barber’s 1833, Infossato, Old Kentucky Tomme, Rosso, Chura Kampo, Carrot Rebel, Lord Of Hundreds, Bufarolo, Figaro, Willoughby, Lincoln Log, Moonglo, Tartufo Riserva, Prairie Tomme, Wilde Weide, Bossa, La Peral, Carmody, Sartori Limited Edition Pastorale Blend, Goat Milk Feta, Stawley, Piper’s Pyramide, LaClare Farms Evalon with Fenugreek, Little Bloom On The Prairie, Tozzetto, Windrush Cheeses, Kolan Extra Mature, LaClare Farms Chevre, Lemon Myrtle Chevre, Cuor di Burrata, Thomasville Tomme, Monte Enebro, LaClare Farms Evalon, LaClare Farms Fondry Jack, Dalemere Medium Hard Goat Cheese, Strathdon Blue, Goat on a Hot Tin Roof, Blu di Bufala, Classico Pecorino Senese, Dirt Lover, Belle Creme, Kris Lloyd – Artisan Blend, Mt. Mazama Cheddar, Morgan, LaClare Farms Raw Goats Milk Cheddar, Loma Alta, LaClare Farms Martone, LaClare Farms Evalon With Cummin, Cilentano ai fichi, Ricotta di Bufala, Edith, Oma, Miette, Medallion, Sartori Classic Cheese Fontina, Mouco Camembert, Moonlight Chaource, Shepsog, Sbronzo, Goat Curd, Sartori Reserve SarVecchio Parmesan, LaClare Farms Cheddar, Classico Riserva, I’ Blu, Maffra Aged Rinded Cheddar, Melange Brie, Fiery Rebel, Teneri, Original Havarti, Pepato, Leonora, Mango Rebel, Hay Flower Rebel, San Andreas, Pecorino Nero, Table Rock, Dorset, Cacioradicchio, Yarra Valley Persian Feta, Paesanella Burrata, Campi, Wimer Winter, Seater’s Orkney, Sartori Reserve Basil & Olive Oil Asiago, Cubetto, Green Hill, Beach Box Brie, Paesanella Buffalo Mozzarella, Paesanella Buffalo Ricotta, Le Conquerant Demi Pont L’eveque, Kinsman Ridge, Manon, Mandolin, Nut Rebel, Pecorino Fiordaliso, I’ Serbo, Tuscan Blend, Sartori Reserve Extra Aged Fontina, Giuntella, Cacio De Roma, Bermondsey Hard Pressed, Sartori Reserve Raspberry BellaVitano, Cave Rebel, Sartori Classic Cheese Parmesan, Brie Coco, Woolly Rind, Tunworth, Casatica, Fitness Rebel, Chimney Rock, Maffra Mature Cheddar, Re di Pecora Erborinato al Tè Nero, St. Tola Hard Cheese, Lindy Hop, Cremet, Beehive Fresh, Sartori Classic Cheese Asiago, Fontina, Pecorino allo Zafferano, Sharpham Rustic, Fermiere, Fior Di Latte, Brie d’Alexis, Sharpham Rustic Chive & Garlic, Martha’s Heat, Sartori Classic Cheese Romano, Regal Blend, Anster, Red Wine Rebel, Impromptu, Rupert, Pawlet, Keltic Gold, DriftWood, Duet, Pecorino Ginepero, Green Dirt Farm Fresh Spicy Chilis, Sharpham Savour, Keens Cheddar, Camembert de Portneuf, Elk Mountain, Applewood Smoked Chevre, Evans Creek Greek, Crescenza di Bufala, Sharpham Elmhirst, Romaniae Terrae Pecorino allo Zafferano, Pecorino Con Caglio Vegetale, Weybridge, Paprika Rebel, Pecorino Romagnolo, Baronerosso di Capri, Lo Sburrato, Green Dirt Farm Fresh Nettle, Sartori Reserve Extra-Aged Asiago, Brown’s Gulch, Goat Fromage Blanc, Blu ‘61, Sartori Limited Edition Family Heirloom BellaVitano, Kirkham’s Lancshire, Farm House ClothBound Cheddar, Briscola, Barely Buzzed, Paesanella Fresh Ricotta, Vigneron, Paesanella Caciotta, Nocturne, Green Dirt Farm Fresh Garlic & Peppercorn, Farmhouse Gouda, Paensanella Bocconcin, Squaquerone di Bufala, Pecorino Pera, L’Amuse Signature Gouda, Royal Rebel, Pacific Rock, Le Wayreumont, Oasis, Mt Tam, Pecorino Nel Granaio, Maffra Dargo Walnut, Sicilian Blend, Kabritt, Hillis Peak, Wild Garlic Rebel, Devil’s Gulch, Melange, Inverness, Mettowee, Harvest, Pecorino al Pepe, Forest Rebel, Pecorino Camomilla, Crotton, Paesanella Dry Ricotta, Red Hawk, Mossfield Organic, I’ Rugoso, Salsa Asiago, Traditional Halloumi, Montchevre Goat Cheese Log, Maffra Wensleydale, Maffra Peppercorn Cheddar, Woodside Chevre, Picolo, Pecorino a Latte Crudo, Monteo, Pecorino Ortica, Castle Blue, Takelma, LaClare Farms Chandoka, Pecorino alla Canapa, Pepper Rebel, Aphrodite Haloumi, Vesuvius, Mountain Rebel, Peppercorn Gouda, Rubi, Etzy Ketzy, Bleu Benedictin, Largo, Pecorino Querciaiola, Green Dirt Farm Fresh Plain, Desert Red Feta, Maffra Sage Derby, St.Tola Log, Konig Ludwig Beercheese, Saltbush Chevre, Gran Bu, Pastoral, Green Dirt Farm Fresh Rosemary, Pecorino Boccondilatte, St. Jude, Yarra Valley Cardi, Bothwell Black Truffle Cheddar, Moringhello, Pecorino Barba Del Passatore, Five Countries, St. Tol Crottin, Camembert des Camarades, Mountain Herbs Rebel, Pecorino Papavero, Paesanella Cherry Bocconcin, Tapas, St. Tola Ash Log, Organic Carrot, Maffra Cheshire, Sartori Limited Edition Cannella BellaVitano, Pecorino Gran Riserva Del Passatore, Pecorino Gelsomino, Brie de Portneuf Double Cream, Organic Walnut, Country Morning, Carr Valley Glacier Wildfire Blue, Organic Mango, La Couronne – Fort Aged Comte, Big John’s Cajun, Sartori Reserve Cheese Mediterranean Fontina, Pleasant Creek, Boivin Extra aged Cheddar, Rondo, Maffra Red Leicester, Van Gogh Edam, McLaren, Organic Creamy Emmental, Pianoforte, Sartori Limited Edition Family Heirloom Parmesan, Woodside Capricorn, Metronome, Pecorino dei monaci, Le Marquis Chevre, Monet, Organic Mountain, 3-Cheese Italian Blend, Pecorino Dei Malatesta Sotto Cenere, Brie de Portneuf, Le Conquerant Camembert, St. Tola Cranberry, Pecorino di Talamello, Brise du Matin, Paesanella Fresco, Smoked Fior Di Latte, Fresh Fior Di Latte, La Pyramide, Yarra Valley Vintage Savourine, Pecorino di Sogliano, Paesanella Caciotta with Rocket & Chilli, Caciobarricato, Point Reyes Toma, Pecorino Erica, Farmer, Pecorino Foglie Noci, Meredith Goat Cheese in Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Pecorino di Vigna, Organic Elderflower, Pecorino dei Malatesta al Sangiovese, Pompeii, La Bonaparte, Pecorino Pepato Mitica Aged, Salemville Amish Blue, Big Woods Blue, Dolomitico, St. Pat, Pierce Pt. Peau Rouge, St. Tola Greek Style, Organic Pepper, Bleu L’Ermite, Organic Mountain Climber, Bufala Soldier, Basajo, Yarra Valley Yering, Organic Chili, Fox Hill Gouda, Organic Farm, Boivin Medium Cheddar, Organic Flower Meadow, Comox Brie, Salemville Amish Gorgonzola, Ubriaco di Raboso, Cendre des Pres, Organic Fitness, Miss Muffet, Aspen Ash, Caciobirraio, Organic Wild Garlic, Criffel, Château de Versailles, Boivin Marbled Cheddar, Point Reyes Original Blue, Fou du roy, Salemville Smokehaus Blue, Yarra Valley Juno, Yarra Valley Le Jack, Carnia Altobut, Bourdin Goat Log, Mountain Goat, Brillo di Treviso, Goat Gouda, Okanagan Double Cream Camembert, Caprano, Chelsea BlueIsland Bries, Saint-Honore, Morangie Brie, Ubriaco di Zibibbo, Caprese di Bufala, Yarra Valley White Saourine, Boulder Chevre, Yarra Valley Bulls Eye, Bleubry, Gorgonzola Piccante DOP, Pizy, Don Olivo, Yarra Valley Gentle Goat, Yarra Valley Black Savourine, Le Cendrillon, Cornish Smuggler, Chile Jack, Horizon, L’Empereur, Meredith Ashed Pyramids, Chevre des Neiges, Noyan, Comox Camembert, Wall Street Gold, Paillot de Chèvre, Cambus o’May, Toma Blu Alle Erbe, St-Fidele Swiss, Mirabo Brie with Walnut, Ubriaco di Nero D’avola, Conciato Al Pepe, Fox Hill Parmesan, Little Qualicum Raclette, Stracchinata, Yarra Valley Saffey, Sartori Reserve Dolcina Gorgonzola, Natural Smoked Van Gogh Gouda, Le Duc Vacherin, Goat Cheddar, Buttercup, Trelawny, Meredith Chevre Plain, Forme’, La Rumeur, Friesago, TeaHive, Comtomme, Provolone Mandarino Gran Riserva, Herbes de Provence Chèvre, Bucheret, Ships Wheel Brie, Le Chevrot, Cherokee Rose, Snowdrop, Meredith Chevre Ash, Cornish Crumbly, California Crottin, St Tola Divine, Caronzola, Speziato, Saanen Milk, Elberton Blue, SeaHive, Caprarica, Haystack Mountain Feta, Fragolone, Capriny, Don Carlo, Grand Cru Surchoix, Processed Smoked Gouda, Haystack Peak, Pied-de-vent, Georgia Clothbound Cheddar, Shepherd’s Hope, Carlina, La Sauvagine, Moody Blue, Meredith Chevre Dill, Perlagrigia Sotto Cenere, Raw Milk Feta, Fontiago, Morlacco, Red Cloud, Chevre en Marinade, Meteorite, Buttermilk Gorgonzola, Cracked Pepper Chevre, Haystack Mountain Camembert, Hidden Falls, Sartori Limited Edition Extra-Aged Goat, Kashar, Dill & Garlic Chevre, Anniversary Ale Cheddar, Twig Farm Square Cheese, Morcella, Brimstone, Buttermilk Blue, Fortsonia, Halleck Creek, Roth Raclette, Holey Cow, Grand Cru Reserve, Sunlight, Smokey Mountain Blue, Queso de Mano, P’tit Basque, La Castella, West Country Farmhouse Mature Cheddar, Twig Farm Washed Ring Wheel, Sandy Creek, Twig Farm Goat Tomme, Vermont Herdsman, Providence, Old Goat, Goat Milk Cheddars, L’Etoile de St-Raymond, Dore-Mi, Little Dragon, Lindale, MezzaLuna Fontina, Latteria San Biagio, Petite Swiss, Fresh Chevre, Le Reflet de Portneuf, La Sauvagine Reserve, Little Napoleon, Rofumo, Le St-Raymond, Twig Farm Mixed Drum, Le Double Joie, Old Burford, Seascape, Dumpling, Suffolk Punch, Twig Farm Crawford, Bridgewater, GranQueso Reserve, Chapman’s Pasture, Buttermilk Blue Affinee, Assa, Big Rock Blue, GranQueso Original, Natural Chevre, Tavoliere, Humble Herdsman, Millstone, Great Lakes Cheshire, Bianca, The Manchester, Montsalvat, Formagella, Pimento, Shepherd’s Crook, Nicasio Square, Liptuaer, Odysseus Marinated Feta, Ringwell, ReginaBlu, Snow Camp, Tieton Halloumi, Little Ypsi, CreMonte, Foggy Morning, Nicasio Reserve, Sharon Hollow Garlic & Chive, Detroit Street Brick, CreNoble, Legacy, Doublet, San Geronimo, Muddlewell, Tango, Venus, New Moon, Reverie, Basket Molded Ricotta, Rheba, Kenne, Phoebe, Bad Axe, Ascutney Mountain, Sonnet, Sharp Cheddar, Four Corners, Cirrus, Caveman Blue, L’Amuse Brabander Goat Gouda, Trufflestack, Classic Blue Log, Fromage Blanc, Cana de Cabra, Jalapeno Cheddar, Fromage Blanc w/ Truffle, Prix de Diana, Mahon, Habanero Cheddar, Campfire, Chocolate Stout Cheddar, Seastack, Smokey Touvelle, Ashley, Opus 42, Red Alder, Brutal Blue, Stella Fontina, Cacow Belle, TouVelle Original, Fiscalini Bandaged Cheddar, Stella Feta, Stella Fontina, Smokey Oregon Blue, Oregon Blue Cheese, Capricious, Cremont, Coupole, Oregonzola, Cheddar LiDiDa Lavender, Stella Goat, Echo Mountain Blue, Off Kilter, Pistol Point Cheddar, Rosemary Medium Asiago, Stella Asiago, Mozzarellissima, Truffello, Bellwether Farms Crescenza, Hopyard Cheddar, Stella Reduced Fat Blue, Fresh Crottin, Redwood Hill Goat Cheddar, Stella Smoked Blue, Capriago, Stella Swiss, Stella Italian Sharp, ColoRogue, Stella Blue, Morimoto Soba Ale Cheddar, Stella Kasseri, Bella Lodi, Stella Mediterranean Parmesan, Stella Black Pepper Romano, PepBert, Hook’s 5-Year Cheddar, Stella Parmesan & Roman Blend, Stella Parmesan, Stella Gorgonzola, MitiCana de Oveja, Mouco Camembert, Red Buddy, Edam, Fat Bottom Girl, Mont St-Benoit, Finca Pascualete Mini Torta, Cave Aged Marisa, Istara Kaikou, Crotonese, Latteria Navel, Baskeriu, Australian Alps Cheese, Käse Mit Schweizer Trüffeln, Gloucester Goat, Shtayburne Farm Cheddar, Waupoos Lizzie, Malvarosa, Burwood Bole, Grated Kefir Cheese, Kefir Tomato-Garlic, Smokey Jalapeno, Tarentaise, Tuada, Sunset Bay, Sun Dried Tomato and Basil Cashew Cheese, Stoney Cross, Raw Brie Style Cashew Cheese, Holiday Brie, Amarelo da Beira Baixa, Highway 1, Kefir Italian Pasta Cheese, Sao Jorge, Kefir Salad, Funky Bleats, Old Winchester, Brebirousse d’Argental, Coastal Cheddar, Valentine, Vaquero Blue, Kefir Wine Companion, Murazzano DOP, Organic MooVache, Organic Beer-Brined Moochego, Organic Gouda, Flory’s Truckle Cheddar, Cremig Extra Wurzig, Bergkäse Aus Dem Schweiser Jura, Lake District Extra Mature Cheddar, President Fresh Goat Cheese, Lake District Mature Cheddar, Majorero, Affineur Walo Rotwein Sennechas, Liburnski Sir, Bent River, Almnas Tegel, Brebis d’Azure, Hannah, Prairie Rose, Fuzzy Udder Creamery’s Tomme, Nocciolo, Cow’s Milk Gouda, Fuzzy Udder Gouda, Fuzzy Udder Washed Rind, Sheep Gouda, Istara Chistou, Vashe Sante, Isle of Man Mild Colored Cheddar, Mladi Trapist, Heidi Aged Cheese, Tezacki Sir Extra Mature, Old Drovers Road, Queijo do Pico, Baserri, Don Bernardo Manchego, Dinarski Sir, Cheddar w/ Red Wine, Fresh Hand-Stretched Mozzarella, Flagship Block, Davidstow 3 Year Reserve Special Vintage, Butternut, Bavaria blu, Buff Blue, Davidstow Mature Cheddar, Magna, Gracie Grey, Vera, Oak Smoked Cheddar, Himmelsraften, Toma di campo, Bianco, Bonifaz, Bettine Grand Cru, Binnorie Marinated Fetta, Bluebell Falls Cygnus, Kummin, Himmelsraften Extra, Essex Commte, Blenda, Iris, Drommen, Tegan, Clonmore, Chocolate Lab, Aged Cashew & Dulse Cheese, Capri Blue, Aged Cashew Nut Cheese, Blissful Blocks, Aged Cashew & Brazil Nut Cheese, Cheddar w/ Irish Porter, Tezacki Sir, Tarago River Jensen’s Red, Capra al Fieno, Lo Speziato, Ubriaco all’Amarone, Mountaineer, Oro Italiano, Casu Marzu, Capra al Pepe, Saporito, Batzos, Barricato al Pepe, Nettles Gone Wild, Pembrokeshire Extra Mature Cheddar, Lyburn’s Winchester, Aged Cashew Nut & Kale Cheese, Lynburn Lightly Oak Smoked, Abbaye de Timadeuc, Strawberry Moon, Bijou, Pembrokeshire Mature Cheddar, Sternschnuppe, Striegistaler Zwerge Camembert, Beaufort, Tezacki Iz Mosta, Aged Cashew & Blue Green Algae Cheese, Aged Cashew & Hemp Seed Cheese, Tezacki Iz Maslinove, Komine, Cashew Nut Cream Cheese, Macadamia Nut Cheese, Lyburn Garlic and Nettle, Cranborne, Orkney Medium Colored Cheddar, Ubriaco Rosso, Fellowship Too, Little Colonel, Valbreso Feta, Roccia del Piave, Daphne’s Alpine Classic, Triple Creme Brie, Muffato, Up in Smoke, St Gall, Duck Isles Stone, Veigadarte, Vampire Slayer, Old Harry, Basils Original Rauchkase, Dorset White, Tilly Whim, TregonWell, Vitoria, Bootlegger, Condio, Knockdrinna Gold, Yeo Lake, Knockdrinna Meadow, Barden Blue, Half-Moon Bay, Hand Rolled Chevre Logs, Isabirra, Kefir Blue, Zigljen Iz Extra Mature, Zartschmelzend, Kräftig Würzig Rahm-Hartkäse, Sarro de Cabra, Brewer’s Gold, Isle of Man Mild Cheddar, Isle of Man Cracked Pepper, Formaggio di Grotta, Cream Cheesy Bliss, Belletoile, Alpicreme, Le Mountier, Waldo Smog, Blissful Toppings, Shredded Bliss, Slices of Bliss, Carrowholly, Goat Nevat, Goat Ricotta, Ubriaco alla Birra, St. Mang Original Allgauer Limburger, Amou, Queso de Afuega’l pitu, President Camembert, President Madrigal, President Light Brie, Pecorino nel fieno, Lunetta, Lacey Grey, Lavis Town, Bergues, Cayuga Blue, Minas Cheese, Driftless, Bohemian Blue, Hidden Springs Farmstead Feta, Blue Yonder, Tomma di vacca alle vinacce, Beaumont, Queijo do serra, Rustico Red Pepper, Isle of Man Mature Cheddar, Walnut Cheddar, Wrangeback Sweden, Barberey, Vento d’Estate, Original Illertaler, Vermont Ayr, Montagnolo, Baluchon, Baita Friuli, Veneto, Aged British Cheddar, Ewelicious Blue, Bettine Blue, Amsterdammer, Colony Cheese, Flashback Goat Discs, Laura Chenel Taupiniere, Laura Chenel Tome, Ellington, Francis, Lyburn Gold, Blue, Benedictine, Marin French Triple Creme, Amalthee, Dragon’s Breath Blue, Amablu Blue Cheese, Cameo, Di.Vino, Blythedale Camembert, Dorblu, Mezzo Secco, Marco Polo, Freya’s Wheel, Blu Della Casera, Kefir Peppercorn Cheese, Lemon Fetish, Benedictine, Barrel Aged Feta, Grayson, Gran Levante, Coalho, Checkerboard Cheddar, Bassigny au porto, Raw Milk Goat Feta, Cape Vessey, El Trigal Manchego, Rustico Black Pepper, Wicklow Blue, Ubriaco al Prosecco, Paniola, Dante, Organic Cheddar, Organic Feta, Rougette Bavarian Red, Operetta, Hay Loft, Purple’s a Must, Counting Sheep…and Goats…, San Simon DOP, FITAKI White Cheese, Aradalen, Dura, Champignon de Luxe Garlic, Rougette Grill Meister, Caprice Stickney Hill Chevre, Orkney Mature Cheddar, Cap Cressey, Champignon Mushroom, Alpine-Style, Champignon de Luxe Pepper, Tomme, Mi-Ewe, Saint Rose, President Fat Free Feta, Ridgeline, Rosso de lago, Scallion Onion Cheddar, Bel Ceillo, Carabiner, Blue Lupine, Daphne’s Goat Gouda, Dinarski Sir Iz Maslinove Komine, Zigljen Iz Mosta, Daphne’s Aged Goat Cheese, Sea Change, Melinda Mae, Roasted Garlic Cheddar, Muranda Blue, Madrona, Gotcha Gouda, Melville, Dilly Girl, Fiesta Cheddar, Blue Earth, Island Brebis, Baby Brie, Connemara, Nocciolino, Hannah Reserve, Dinarski Is Mosta, Primo Fresca, Holzhofer Latte Crudo, Siltcoos, Shaker Blue, Grasso d’alpe Monscera, Shepherdista Crush, Pack Square, Ewe’s Blue, Cambozola, Grand Noir, Lost Lake, Ocooch Mountain, Alpe di Frabosa, Pecorino Toscano DOP, Alta Badia, Petida, Good Thunder, Pallone di Gravina, President Brie, Canastra Cheese, Black Betty, Shtayburne Farm Monterey Jack, Wyfe of Bath, Prairie Breeze Cheddar, Rotwein Bargler, Extra-Wurzig, Cressey Blu, Olomoucke Tvaruzky, Garlic and Fine Herbs Cashew Cheese, Moose.

 

[Jetstream Sharpe]

Nigger

 

[Crimson Fucker]

There is one I have been meaning to post but I have to break it down into smaller parts later. It's past the character limit.

 

[Crimson Fucker]

CHOOSING THE BEST GIRL

by Sam

Choosong the best girls for your larder is a rather complicated matter. First you must decise what recipe the girl will be used for, then the choices can be narrowed. Then you must prepare the body based on the use to be made of the meat. Different recipes and different cooking methods determine the age, size, and preparation method.

I know most of you were told not to play with your food, but girlmeat is an exception to that rule. Before butchering, you should put her to good use. Sucking your cock is always great, but fucking her and then stuffing her cunt with your cum still inside her provides an interesting flavor addition to the stuffing mix. Also a well used cunt will be more muscular and therefore more meaty.

The best girls are between 14 and 20 years of age, with proportionately developed bodies. They should be neither fat nor skinny, except in special cases.

Breast sizes should be moderate. Breasts that are too large or that have been lactating will have large milk duct glands and a fair amount of fatty tissue and will not be the best tasting. Ideally breasts should be firm, with moderate sized nipples, and well rounded. Some people like puffy nipples if the girls is to be barbequed as these larger nipples can be sliced off early in the cooking process so that the girl can watch you eat her while she's still alive. Although somewhat tough and fatty these nipples are tasty when eaten rare, dripping with barbeque sauce.

The following recipes require the girls as indicated, although all girls can used for almost any recipe:

 

[Crimson Fucker]

Recipe Preferred Girl

Liver served rare or fried with onions Young - 14 to 16, not thin but not fat

Heart served rare or Young - 14 to 16, not thin but not fat sauteed in sauces about 5-10 lbs overweight maximum

Chopped Heart or Liver 18 -20 years old, athletic body

Kidney or other organs in gravy Any girl

Tongue - smoked or cooked 18 - 20, average girl

Steaks - tartare or rare Young - 14 to 16, not thin but not fat meat should have slight marbling best cuts from ribs, butt & thighs

Roasts 18 - 20, well developed body no more than 5 lbs overweight.

Prime Rib Roasts 15-19 with large chest muscles and ribcage, can have large breasts

Briskets and short ribs 15-20 with large chest muscles and ribcage, can have large breasts

Hams and Bacon 18-20 with large thighs and rounded stomach 10-20 lbs overweight max.

Barbequed whole girl 16-18 well developed body, but only moderate sized breasts (puffy nipples preferred), 5-10 lbs overweight max, good fatty marbling in meats and skin can be as tall as 5'8". Cook alive.

Oven Roasted whole girl 14-16 well developed body, but only moderate sized breasts (puffy nipples preferred), 5-10 lbs overweight max, good fatty marbling in meats and skin Best if small or tiny body 5'3" or less Cook alive or dead, but gutted and stuffed.

Breasts - baked or boiled Best choice would be VERY firm breasts that stand high, nipples pointing upwards, on a girl's chest, moderate sized or small (32" - 36") very rounded and that press back when squeezed. Never having lactated. The breast should be sliced off close to the rib bones thus leaving some muscle under the breast meat. Serve sliced thinly cut diagonally, with or without the nipples intact, in sauce.

The following girls are best served as indicated:

21-29 years old - Butched and cut up into steaks and roasts, will produce a large amount of tougher meats which should be used as stew meats or hamburger. Organs (heart, kidney liver) will make good pate's and gravies. Necks will make excellent soups. Intestines will make good sausage casings for sausage meats made from her lesser quality meats.

Fatty or slightly overweight girls - Good for smoked meats, especially Hams and Bacon, and hamburger meat.

Skinny girls - Should be fattened up first if possible. Most cuts will cook best if extremely rare or in stews. Butt roast can be delicately delicious rare.

Tall or large breasted girls - best butchered into roasts and steaks.

Very young girls - under 12 or 13 usually not very good because of lack of meats and the organs are too small, but if gutted could be cooked whole in soups. 12-13 year olds with developing breasts and well proportioned bodies willl be best either roasted whole or spitted on the barbeque. Care must be taken, however, not to overcook. The heart or livers of these young girls will be very tasty just barely cooked and eaten almost raw.

 

[Crimson Fucker]

Some tips on dresing/butchering:

If the girl is to be cooked alive, she should be given several enemas and fed only water for at least 1-2 days. She should be flushed out thoroughly (through both her anus and her uretha), all her body hair removed completely (except her head hair, if the head is to be used for decoration), and the body washed down completely. Before starting, a pain killer should be administed (Marijuana or liqour is often effective). With a very sharp knife, carefully open her belly from just above her vagina to her sternum not slicing too deep. Lay open the incision and cauterize immediately, Then lift out her guts and cut each organ off, cauterizing the wound, being careful to leave her heart and lungs untouched and undamaged. If you touch her heart, it may flutter slightly, but will continue to beat you take care not to hurt it. Arteries & veins are a major problem, so be careful not to cut them if they are leading to or from the heart, brain, or lungs. You may decide to leave the uterus intact as this can be stuffed. Rinse out the body cavity with clean water, rub the inside with butter and herbs. Core out the anus and stitch shut, Stuff her belly if desired with stuffing mix, and sew the incision shut. The girl will live longer while being cooked if she is stuffed as the stuffing will keep her heart from cooking too soon. Basting the body frequently will serve two uses, the meats will be more flavorful and juicy and she will live longer. Weigh her after gutting and stuffing and calculate her cooking time by the following rule - Barbeque 15-20 minutes per pound, and Oven roast @375 degrees for 25-30 minutes per pound. Few girls will live longer than 1 hour while cooking since she will die as soon as her heart starts to cook.

If the girl is to be butchered, flush her intestines and bladder out as decribed before, then kill her quickly by beheading or if she has been hanged, cut her head off as well. Hang her body up by the feet and let all the blood drain out before proceeding. If she is to be skinned prior to butchering, start at the neck and slice a thin cut down to the anus and continue down the backs of both legs. Another cut should bemade from the neck down each arm. Chop off both feet and hands (these are good for soups). Carefully peel the skin from the body and turn over continuing on the other side. Leave the nipples on the skin as the breasts are peeled. The vagina will have to be carefully peeled and a small cut made to disconnect the skin on the inside of her vagina. Wash the skin carefully prior to beginning the tanning process. The leather produced from young girls is exquisitely soft if treated correctly.

Next slit her belly open from her sternum to 2-4" above her vagina. Remove all her guts and organs, setting aside the heart, liver and kidneys. If you plan to use any parts for sausages, thouroughly clean out the intestines and set aside. Taking a large cleaver, lay the body chest down and split the body into two parts, using the backbone as the guide. Chop the neck into soup bones. Turn the body back over and split the rib cage in two in the center. Cut the belly meats off first and then using the cleaver again cut the upper body off at waist level. Cut the vagina off complete with the pubic bone and the 2-4" of surrounding meat. Then split the lower body into two parts for the final butchering, it being easier to handle in smaller parts. In smaller girls it is best to chop off both legs at the hip joint and knees to cook those parts whole. The thigh can be left in roasts, bone in hams, or sliced into steaks. The buttocks will make two beautiful rump roasts or can also be sliced into steaks. Laying the chest sides flat, breasts up. first slice the breasts off close to the rib bones and set aside. There should still be some nipple meat if she has been skinned carefully. Next chop off the racks of short ribs and Prime Rib Roasts. Next remove all remaining meats from her bones, the brisket from her upper chest muscles, Steaks & roasts from her back muscles, and stew meats from her arms and lower legs. any remaining meats should be ground into sausages or hamburger. A typical teen girl 5'4", 125 lbs when live will produce close to 60 lbs of useable meats, organs, and sausages.

 

[Crimson Fucker]

Some favorite recipes:

Pate of Girl's Liver

1 young girl's liver 2 tablespoons cornstarch 1- 1/2 lbs chopped shoulder meat 3 oz Cognac 1 small onion 4 whole eggs 1 clove garlic 1 tablespoon salt 1 teaspoon sage 1/2 teaspoon ground pepper

Coarse grind all meats and mix with remaining ingredients. place formed in a loaf in a covered cassorole dish and bake for 2 1/2 hours at 350 deg F. Cool and serve with unsalted crakers and caviar.

Breast with Red Wine

One moderate size girl's breast 2 tablespoons butter 2 cans tomato pieces 2 cups small pearl onions 4 carrots, sliced 2 stalks celery cut in large pieces 2 cups red wine 2 cloves garlic, halved 1/2 tsp whole black peppercorns 1 pinch ea Majoram & thyme 1 bay leaf 2 Tablespoons melted butter salt to taste 1 cup girl meat drippings and broth

Quickly braise the breast in butter in a frying pan, just enough to slightly brown. Place the breast in a covered roaster and pour the broth and wine over it. Add tomatoes, onions, celery, carrots and the seasonings to the roaster and cover. Roast at 350 deg F, basting occasionally until done, about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Serve the breast on a platter diagonally sliced with the vegetables. Serve the broth like a gravy to be poured over the meat as eaten.

Sliced Heart in Burgundy Sauce

One girl's heart, sliced 1 cup sliced mushrooms 1/4 cup chopped onions 1 cup burgundy wine 1/2 cup girl meat drippings and broth salt and pepper to taste flour for thickening

Braised the sliced heart and mushrooms in a pan with girl meat drippings, butter, and onions. Add the wine and stir together with the broth. Add the salt and pepper and add small amounts of flour to thicken sauce just slightly. Serve very hot.

 

[Crimson Fucker]

>From an9420@anon.penet.fi Sat Oct 9 13:37:06 EET 1993

this was an anonymous post, i dont even remember where i found it.

I: Introduction

Very few text files have been written regarding the sexual tendencies and practices of necrophiliacs. While most people would prefer to believe that we do not exist we most certainly do as is obvious to anyone who visits a cemetery during our nightly rampages. Necrophiliacs prefer to go about their business alone; sharing is not a part of this alternative lifestyle as the corpse usually wears out fairly quickly. This is not to say that the occasional orgy involving four or five necrophiliacs and about a dozen or so corpses does not occur, but it is very rare. In this file I will describe common (and some uncommon) techniques which necrophiliacs use to gain satisfaction from their stiff partners. Hopefully these vivid descriptions will encourage you to go out to your local cemetery and to join our ranks!

II: Finding a partner

Finding a partner for your necrophiliac activities is definitely the hardest part. You not only have to gain access to the corpse but you also have to find one which suits your tastes. Granted, some necrophiliacs would screw roadkill if given the chance but most of us are more discriminating. Your chances depend upon where you pick up your date. If you have access to a morgue it would definitely be your best bet as the corpses there are usually the freshest and have not yet been treated for burial. They may be a bit chilly because they've been lying in the meat locker for days but that really shouldn't make a big difference to the determined necrophiliac. Cemeteries are a bit harder to deal with as finding a screwable corpse is harder to do. However, if you know how to interpret signs this shouldn't be a problem. If a grave consists of a mound of fresh dirt and is covered with flowers, chances are that the stiff hasn't been laying here for too long. Rotting flowers on the mound usually hint to the state of the corpse as well. Some people are exclusively into 'porking the bone', i.e. sex with skeletons. In this case you can dig up almost any grave and hope that the inhabitant hasn't yet disintegrated into dust. Try to scope out a fairly secluded cemetery for your passions unless you like a sense of danger to go along with the sex. Having anyone catch you in the act is NOT fun, and if you're picked up by a cop chances are that you won't be able to screw anything but Bubba behind bars for the next few decades. People are generally not understanding of the necrophiliac lifestyle, so it will probably be a long time before we can come out of the closet.

III: Preparation

Depending upon where you are at this point you'll have either a little or a lot of work to do. The person in the morgue will obviously have to do little more than to open the locker, pull the corpse out and bang away. If you're one of the cemetery people you'll have more work to do. An experienced necrophiliac is always equipped with the bare essentials: a shovel, vaseline and a box of rubbers. Why the shovel is needed should be obvious, but if the ground is hard then you might need more equipment to dig up your date. Vaseline is used to loosen the corpse up a bit. This makes it less likely for a body part to break off while you're having fun and it also prevents your mantool from becoming too irritated while screwing the dried out pussy. The BOX of condoms is used to play it safe; no necrophiliac should be without it. You never know which STDs your partner had during his/her lifetime, and believe me, it doesn't get any better after the person dies. You can put on more than one rubber for extra protection if it is warranted, but screwing a corpse without protection is just plain stupid unless you want to be the next date for a necrophiliac. If you're in a cemetery try to drag the corpse out of the grave and behind a bush or to another secluded place. Pumping away in the grave may seem more convenient, but it's a severe disadvantage to you if you need to take off in a hurry. Sometimes the corpse is too fragile to be moved; in that case make it fast. Or just break off the head, hand or lower torso and take it with you for added convenience.

Part IV: Techniques

So now you've got a stiff lying seductively in front of you, but you have no idea how to start. How you proceed from this point onward really depends upon what kind of person you are. The corpse will last longer if you treat it gently and with care, but if you prefer to go all out you'll probably receive greater satisfaction. There are many differences between screwing a live and a dead person which one needs to be aware of. Firstly, a corpse will never tell you to get off of it if you're being a bit rough and it will never complain no matter what kinky sexual practices you use it for. Screwing a corpse is also much more predictable because you can raise an arm, leg or whatever and it will still be in that position when you reach for it again. Take the arms and gently lock them in an embrace behind your back, or spread the legs to make sex a bit easier. If you want a great blowjob then lubricate your partner's mouth, lock it to your preferred width, insert and go for it. Although there's no tongue stimulation it's still worthwhile, and it's also safer than conventional sex. Corpses can also be recycled if treated properly. If you're a proficient embalmer you can keep a corpse for over five years if it has been properly embalmed. That's free sex whenever you want it! You naturally don't want to be too rough with an embalmed corpse though as they are more fragile. One final advantage of screwing corpses is that they are always in abundance. Based upon your sexual preferences you can designate a cemetery or a morgue as your territory and always find fresh partners to screw. Plus you don't have to resort to cheesy pickup lines or spend all your money in order to get a date. Necrophilia is a passion which is cheaply satisfied.

V. Conclusion

I hope that this text file will encourage you to go out and try necrophilia. Not many people do it, but that's precisely what makes it so much fun; it makes you feel special! If no living person would touch you with a 10 foot pole then try having sex with a corpse! Some of them are real beauties and it's an experience you'll never forget. There is no greater experience for a virgin than having his/her virginity taken by a corpse. Anyways, have fun and if you have any experiences you'd like to share then by all means do! Maybe necrophilia will enter the mainstream because of your efforts.

Theoderich 8/9/93 3:11 pm CST

 

[Kan]

A couple of copypasta corrections: Corvus Glaive has black blood in Avengers: Infinity War. Gargos has red blood in Killer Instinct 2.
Also, here’s the link to the Kiwi Farm Cheese Copypasta by Fireman Sam:

https://kiwifarms.hk/threads/debate-user-null-if-america-has-cheese-meat-and-bread.174992/#post-17084696

 

[Kan]

Kanye East Fortnite Freestyle lyrics:
[Intro]
(I don't care)
Bangers, yo
(Fantom)

[Verse]
Can I eat the glizzy?
Eren Yeager, laugh my ass off, dancing Israelis
EDP likes kids, I was the dad one
Hi, sussy blue balls
Who is in Paris?
Ayo, he back, I like you
Baka sussy, I love hot cocoa
Who’s in Paris? Kirby, nick her
Who's in Paris? Hungry man, the hungry
I got pegged, yo' mama dead
Rosa Parks like my sister, nigga
What’s up, little boy?
Lil Mosey is the best TikToker
Bukago, I eat EDP
I'm white, lyrical suicide, nigga
Give me your skeleton, A-I-O-P-M
Fortnite balls, I'm gay
I like boys
I kidnap autistic kids
Lil Mosey is watching, T. Rex
I'm EDP, big, Kanye West
Me, lemon pepper shrimp
Bro, ain't no way, casket, poop
I'm EDP's cupcake, Kim cheated
Laugh my ass off, dick cheese
Kim left me, nineteen dollar Fortnite card
I'm racist, evangelist
Hi, Kanye, laugh my ass off
You a legend, Garb, I love feet
Age is a number, kiddo, balls, balls
I rap ocean water, big nigga balls
A-E-I-O-U, stars aren’t real
I like underage girls, eastside
Who been countin’ J. Cole out?
Ocean water shook my balls
Yeah, Yeezus, tree bark
Mom's spaghetti, EDP 445
Yeah, yeah, baby balls
Cheese sandwich balls, yeah, yeah
Duct tape, thanks a lot
EDP, Kanye West, I am Chinese
Bahahahahaha, Lil Tay is hot
What did he say? Eren Yeager
Shoutout Lizards, my homie
Oh my god, balls
Sandwich, Uranus
I ride little kids, shoutout flowers
I agree with EDP, I did sixty-nine with a sixty-nine
Obama balls, I like LoL
Hey, Siri, call 9-1-1
Kim, I.P, John Cena is a alien
I eat fat ass, I get backed
Saddam Hussein, Deez
EDP is innocent, hi, ching chong
I kiss my dog
Extravagant something, wait
L-M-A-F-O, I’m gay
I take backshots, it all falls up

 

[Crimson Fucker]

How To Cook a Human

If you ever get tired of eating a traditional turkey dinner during Thanksgiving or boring old ham during Easter,or guinea fowl during Kwanzaa, maybe you should consider the other other white meat. It has been a long-standing tradition throughout the centuries to chow down on the slow simmered remains of our fallen enemies, but this culinary art form received little recognition in western culture. Like the tomato, which was once thought to be poisonous, human flesh is actually a very healthy alternative to the hormone-injected meat you find at your local supermarket, and eating a person is not a soul crushing sin like some conservative religions want you to believe. The fact is that human flesh is both flavorful and full of the essential nutrition our bodies need.
This article is not to be confused with instructions on how to Cook FOR Human, how to Cook ForTY HumanS, or how to Cook FOR Forty Humans. While slowly rubbing off the dust from a book only to find different titles for the same book is comical, it will not help you with your ultimate goal of preparing the best Human possible in the 60 minutes allotted during a standard iron chef competition.
Like a cantaloupe melon, picking the right person to eat can be a challenge unless you know what you are doing. Here are a few helpful hints in selecting the right one to eat.
Fatty cooking book If you choose a fat prey, this book might help
Age – Just like other game meat, humans get tough and stringy with age. Anyone 3 - 16 years old taste great, their well shaped legs are great for tender, succulent meals. Girls do taste better than boys. Size – Like a good marbled beef, you want your human to have a bit of fat on them and to be of a large weight and size. While a very thin woman may be found attractive, the fact is that what little meat they have is stringy and tough. Very heavy humans tend to be more tender and juicy, so they should be fattened if you desire extra flavor. The meat found on bodybuilders and strongmen are tough ans flavorless due to the lack of fat. The perfect cut of human flesh comes from the average Australian couch potato Due to that fact that with any other meat, flavor come from the fat. However, be careful that you do not become an Australian yourself from too much fat intake. Sex – As in monkey sex, sex doesn't really matter. Although, females do tend to taste better, and males tend to have more muscle (that means more ballfat) on them. Nationality – Actual race and color have very little to do with the taste of humans. All races are pink and fleshy underneath the skin. Some believe that brown skinned people contain more omega-3 and calcium, but that is just a myth (however you are welcome to test this for yourself). However one thing that does make a difference is diet. Humans who are strictly vegetarian tend to taste a bit more beefy than those that primarily eat meat. Other considerations are salt and spice intake. Italians, for example, tend to have a mild, natural garlic taste while people from India tend to be a bit on the spicy side. Also another tip is to cook the anus with salt and garlic at 450 degrees (rare to well done is up to you). The healthiest part of the human body is the lymph nodes and also, the urethra. But if undercooked they will taste sour and tangy. If you follow these instructions then you will have a wonderful healthy** meal.
**Healthy is only a word. Remember the old words of wisdom "what you eat is what you are." Over consumption of Germans has been known to lead to antisemitic ideals, Swedish meat may lead to creating windmills and wooden shoes. The greatest thing to be warned about is the meat of the overweight Australian, which has a peculiar flavor due to the native diet of croc meat, koala, kangaroo, and the occasional bush snake, and tends to raise one's cholesterol due to high lard content.
Industrial Farming –Some proponents of 'human rights' have criticized the cramped and inhospitable living conditions used for the industrial production of humans for food and other industrial purposes. Humans should be given a minimum of 100 square feet, or about 30 square meters per person per household. Less than this and the humans may begin to 'peck each others eyes out', which can increase the risk of disease. Also, you should not allow your humans to amass too much garbage or cheap plastic crap as this can diminish the effective living area inside of their cages.
Where To Get Your Human Fortunately, humans are very abundant and the value of a human life has never been lower! Humans have become so common that it is hard to walk down the street without running into many, many potential meals. Schools, Colleges, stores, and more allow humans to be a more easy form of food to catch. First, a good place to hide is near a street, perhaps in a bush, or in a tree. Once one is spotted, grab him or her and drag or carry the meal to your car. Once inside, you should strip them until they are down to their underpants. Then tie them up with heavy ropes so they can't move. Once home, untie them and then take off their underpants so now they're fully naked. If you are feeling a little frisky, it's alright to "play" with your food. You're going to eat it anyway, so why not have a little fun? Now you can put the child in the oven for 1 hour or eat it raw. If you are feeling audacious, you can even eat it alive. Just pick a spot on their body and bite (tying your meal down is recommended, however). If you want it to taste better give it a bath. If you are planning to eat the child raw or alive, you have to bath it so you won't get sick and make the water very hot. Also, be sure to shave all the pubic hair off. When you are done bathing it you have to dry all the body parts. Before you start eating get another child and make a child sandwich: it is done by getting two people lay on top of each other naked and put what ever you want on them and then eating both of them at the same time. For your sandwich you should get a boy and a girl and make sure they are around or the same age because it will taste great!
It should be noted, however, that the hunting of this animal is still considered illegal in several states and in the more conservative areas of Europe. Asia and Africa, by contrast, are so over populated with unwanted humans that the local governments have started campaigns to rid themselves of the extra people. In China, breeding more than one human offspring is a federal offense and in the middle east they have taken to blowing up as many humans as they can just to lower the population. In the United States, however with the explosion of the population, President Obama would freely give you a human to devour to "stabilize the population".
Human hunting can be very exciting. Humans don't want to just become dinner, so they will use their natural instincts to try to avoid being captured. Many people will attempt a counter attack, thus making the hunter the hunted. If you are not a big game hunter and don't care for the edge-of-your-seat thrill of bringing down your own kill, don't worry, the average drug addicted bum will gladly off someone for you for a small fee or a few grams of their favorite medication. Or use some heavy sedatives. Pricks and bullies are also good sources of human flesh, but the end product is usually so battered that it is only good for ground meat or stew cuts. Finally, with the lax morals of today's youth and the right to cheap abortions, there is always a large supply of fresh human fetus to go around; check around back of your local chapter of Planned Parenthood as they always have a fresh supply. Also prostitutes and young high school drop outs taste spicy. Their attitude has something to do with it but their bodies also end up aiding in their consumption. It is estimated that by the year 2018, all young drop outs and prostitutes will have been or are being eaten.
Or you may go to a dark DARK forest, hide in the bushes with some rope, sedative, scissors, and don't forget a gurney and wait for a 13 year old to come along and then jump out, tackling them. When you do, sedate them and then tie them up with the ropes, then you must use the scissors you must remove all clothing except for the underwear and you can't pull them off if the child is tied up, can you? After that you roll them onto the gurney and wheel them as fast as you can while still being inconspicuous to the large white van waiting outside of the forest. Put the gurney in the back and drive off to the preparation.
If you are planning on picking out a very strong human to eat, then projectile weapons are favoured. Any of the "extremities" are good places to aim your projectiles. The head is the favoured place, as a human can be slaughtered with one attack this way. If you do follow this advice and end up taking down a wrestler, you are in for an absolute feast. As for where to find strong, muscular humans, try waiting outside a sports facility. Humans playing there will be more muscular than average and therefore have better tasting meat. They will also be less likely than average to go on in life to do something important, like figure out the meaning of life or find a cure for cancer, so you can sink your teeth into a jock steak without fear of disrupting an important event.
MIT hunting can be even more exciting. MIT's can be hunted and are an easier alternative to "fully working" human hunting. This is due to the inability of the MIT to produce sugar and they therefore they have to stop for injections every 20 mins. The easiest way to track a MIT is by the trail of destruction and fail that is left behind by one. Please be aware that a MIT's only defense is to WEEE itself and hope that the hunter feels pity and carries on past them.
A last option is to find a feedee, they're willing participants, to let's say, be filled out a bit more. Once they reach that magical number (around 200+ pounds for most women, although you can fatten them further) just drug away and you've got a ready meal without having to partake in kidnapping, no hassle, no fuss, just delicately prepared and rounded feast! How can you tell if she is fat enough? Her clothes should not fit: Her breasts should be pushing out of her bra, and you might get a look at her nipples. Her belly should force her shirt up past her belly button. Her belly button should be several inches deep. Her thighs should be forcing each other apart, and her pants should have ripped long ago, leaving only underwear her butt has forced into a thong. Her vajayjay should be nice and plump also. If you have any doubts about her fatness, you should squeeze her and find out where she is the biggest. All parts of her body should be easily accessible, so lay her out in an open space or on her back.
Preparation Once you have selected your human it is time to prepare it for cooking. Unfortunately, most modern stores still do not carry human, so it will be up to you to butcher and clean the carcass. For those of us who are unfamiliar with butchering their own meat we may want to consider paying the local butcher shop to do it for you. If you are up to doing the job yourself, there are many great reference books, such as Grey's Anatomy, to help you along. For a first timer, it is usually best to catch yourself a fat human, this way you can practice the various carving techniques on their many rolls of fat. You get more practice and a bigger meal- that way!! While some organ meat is quite good, most human organs are just too foul to be safely eaten. Brain is the most popular organ meat followed closely by kidneys. Avoid eating the liver at all costs, as humans tend to abuse their livers and thus they are full of lethal toxins.
Like other large animals, the average human will yield quite a lot of meat of various qualities and types. Typical cuts are bicep steaks, rump roasts and thigh hams. Ribs are very popular for the bar-b-q and fingers are great when tossed in a nice buffalo wing coating and baked. Toes can also be a delicious treat, less healthy but much sweeter than fingers. Females may be a less likely dish to take when it comes to toes due to the toxic paint they place upon them, however if you see one in flip flops without this paint, feel obliged to devour them.
If you're looking for some delicious hams, look no further than your local school . Girls at the ages of 10-15 and boys at the ages of 10 -12 have perfectly sized thighs that make excellent meals. Simply add spices and sugar and voila. Calves also make good drumsticks. Breaded, fried, oiled, buttered and plane taste phenomenal. Males tend to have tough calves that may be chewy, especially to me. However, for softer sweeter and sometimes juicier meat, look for girls. Athletes tend to have more leg meat thus more food. Soccer players, cheerleaders, gymnasts, runners, etc. all have perfect leg meat.
This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field, there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing, and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.
Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form.
The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage.
Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm Caucasian females in their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a very large herd.
The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.
Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the forehead or back of the skull will suffice.
Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down. This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meat-hook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the butcher's head.
Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's head. With a long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side. This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing, "pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned here that because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for safety's sake all blood should be considered to be contaminated and disposed of in some fashion. It is not known whether an HlV-infected human's flesh is dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to consider when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.
Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck, from the jawline to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat. Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers, such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.
Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down. Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction. The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective tissue. The external genitals present only a small obstacle. In the male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away from the body and severed, in the female the outer lips skinned as the rest of the body. It is important to leave the anus untouched at this point, and a circle of skin should be left around it. You need not bother skinning the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne pepper.
Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass. To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cut into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.
Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver, stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.
For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may be detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and trachea. Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.
Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk) before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of usable meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and break apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be properly cooked before eating. In many humans, there is not enough meat on the arm to warrant any bother. However, if you have caught a meaty sports jock, he will have a lot of meat on his arms, and his biceps alone will provide enough meat for a large meal. The arm meat on wrestlers is a delicacy.
Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.
Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate, and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.
Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is rather inedible. Again, if you have caught a strong human, the chest will yield a lot of meat. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is sufficient.
Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from the back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful, thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the pelvis.
And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse (just like an outhouse, with a stone fire-pit instead of a shitter). Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be pulverized.
Bob Arson's White Devil Dinky-Dao Mothafucka Bobbacoo Sauce Marinade/Baste/Dip/Bloody Leroy Mix Ingredients:
1 8 oz. can tomato sauce 1 6 oz. can tomato paste 1 cup black coffee 3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred) 3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type) 2 tblsp. whiskey 1 tblsp. lemon juice 1 tblsp. worcestershire sauce 1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred) 3 cloves garlic. minced 3 jalepeno peppers, minced 1/4 large onion, minced 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred) 2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke 2 tblsp. brown sugar 1 tblsp. molasses 1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper 1 cube beef bouillon 1 1/2 tsp. salt 1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper 1 1/2 tsp. paprika 1 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper 3 dashes basil 3 dashes oregano 3 dashes savory ashes of one fine thin joint
It is important to cook your human thoroughly, as they tend to be filled with a wide array of viruses and bacteria, especially swine flu. Human flesh should not be consumed unless it has been cooked to an internal temperature of at least 160°F. With that in mind, you can pretty much substitute human in any of your existing beef or pork recipes, but, since human meat has a genetic resemblance to pork, it is more common to use in pork recipes. Slow cooking tends to be the best way to bring out all of the natural flavors while optimizing the texture of the meat. As with all meats, you never want to over-cook your human. A general rule of thumb for oven roasting your human is 15-20 minutes per pound, but cooking times vary according to the recipe you are using.