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Please note: Positions or opinions expressed are personal and don't reflect official stances by Onionfarms.
Please note: Positions or opinions expressed are personal and don't reflect official stances by Onionfarms.
Opinion/Blog The Crack Shack (vent about shit)
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Gore San
⛧ Ć̸̢̧̧̲̰̣͙̖̟̜͕̖͓̣̱̮̣̙̯̜̮̖̣̙̓̑͊̊͋͗̌̐̍̋͋̎̉̓͒͑̀̕͝͝r̵̡̛̰̘͓͎̲͕̖͚͖͕͙̬̣͕̤̣̭̲̙͕͛͛̆̄̃͐̉͑̀̎̎̽͛͋̌̔́̈͘͘͜͝͝͝i̷̧̢̫̣̜͕̣̼̳͉̭͊͆m̷͔̼̠̖̮̪̽̈́͌͑̈͆̂́͌̑̑̿́̑̐͋͒̽͋̈́̃̇̎͑͒̔͌̿̒̐͑̽̍̎̑͗̿̕̕͝s̵̯̦̩̪̼̄̍̋̇̐̅̅͆̒̉̔͑̍̌̽̐͑̈́͐̎͛͆̐͊͂̏̔͒̚͘͝͝͠ò̸̢̮̭̋̋͋̐̍́͊̇̓̐̑̈̋̅̐̃̈́̃͆̎̐̆̀̎̓̃̒̌̎̕̚̚n̶̼̮̫̠̥̳̼̪̙̕
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I hate The Purple Sacrementan. He's a nigger.
He was right to leave you when he actually realized you were a pedophile, he should have left you sooner actually.
He should've left sooner, in fact, he should've never been in my life.
Knowing that I haven't written a walls of text for so long is a feeling of the uncanny where it resembles that emotion of seeing someone or something after what seems a century. Summer that we miss in the winter when we get tired of the cold that we get to see when it arrives. Old friend you forgot about because life just took over but then you happen to run into them in the most unexpected place. And to me which holds the closest to my heart is a loved one that had a life that was over before it started as tragic as it sounds but a truth you live with like how you live with a blue sky that never goes away until you do. This year was one of the hardest for me. With the trajectory of things only getting worse one would say it's safe to just call it a year even before the holidays come into play. KingCobraJFS's death for instance, was one that really rocked my world even though I hardly know enough to be considered an enthusiasts into the "lolcow" that existed in a long time and began with the first one being chris chan. The first encounter of him was when I came across a video where a troll sent him a glitter bomb. Shit was so funny to me I slowly took an interest in Josh. It didn't make me do extensive research but when there was a mention of him anywhere doing anything I would be quick to watch a video about what he was up to.
To see what has happened is a tragedy that I can't stop playing inside of my head from time to time. Even in his last video of him dying, even people who are now discovering him could tell what he was going through was nothing short of being grim. But his father Clint will make sure that he will be remembered in celebration while also allowing the internet to view the memorial publicly. A gesture he knows his son will greatly appreciate as well as those that were able to watch him from their lenses. Thanks to archives we can peer into the times when Josh was still in his teens fresh out of high school just being him which would eventually lead to the title of being a lolcow.
As much as I'm full of anxiety from morning to night. Deep in me was far as I have come there is no will to want to quit. My mind keeps telling me to give up but none of that even gets close to touching my heart anymore because it's words and rhetoric I won't partake in buying. I looked back at some old photos right before I was born and saw things that shook me to my core. Happiness getting lumped into change as time progressed. There were moments where a camera snapped and caught a time of being in the individuals I know so well where one is no longer alive and the other pushed away from a force I now see visible thanks to wisdom & experience. A time where the trees in the background were nothing but sprouts. Where the neighborhood was nothing but plain land, a few houses and a morning where those two were about to go to school on a cloudy cold day. It was happiness at a time, a moment, & a day that was made and can never me unmade. Just a day to remember.
But with how the water just continues to boil over in general. It's a change in my life I'm having a difficult time conceptualizing because of how impactful it's going to be. Just like how one may Kayak down a stream of water and you see what's ahead. A drop off into a different current and expression of the river. Here you were riding along just fine and now you are having to paddle and wish for the roughness to end. But as much as it's scary for me, something in the back of my mind tells me things won't be as heavy as fear is making it out to be. Now that some truth was given to me, the fear lessens but still persist. The dreams I have been having in the past months has been the imagery of water. Mostly in the fearful form. It's because of the hell I have been going through in my life. So all of this fear and anxiety just converts into these visions of water and the fear it holds. In some senses it feels like I'm just drowning, in others it's the fear of the force and the ability it possesses. I guarantee if I talked to some Physic they would say the same thing if of course you believe in that. But their crystal ball will just be waves, oceanic storms, and rapids in a river. For example the one I had last night is one where I stood in the top floors of a resort. The waves down at the beach were oddly 30 feet tall. No one was at the pool where the palm trees sat nor was there a single soul at the beach. And for what I'm going through I know the dream was manifested because of my fear of change. Even in paradise away from work and obligations I was afraid even on a top floor of a resort. The waves couldn't touch me despite their size but here I am still afraid. Funny enough a coworker I can't stand made one of those smug noises when you suggest something crazy. And the reason he appeared wasn't just because he's someone I can't stand but it's because I lacked confidence in myself to go face the waves that I had to get an opinion from someone I can't stand. So after I glanced back at the waves for a final thought my dream changed to another scene.
But I know much more fabulous days are coming. And soon my dreams will no longer be symbolism in the form of reminders of the suffrage I have to endure in life. Lastly. Doll is someone that has been trying to elevate our beings into a better stage for both of our situations. But as I went to get some coffee just some time ago. I pondered wishes and the emotions I'm driven by her. There are days I get so pissed of at her it causes me to pace back in forth huffing & puffing. And after I prevent myself from exploding on her I begin to understand the importance of someone such as herself in my life. Because for many who have befriended her, it seems the only occurrence is disposing of her. It hurts her even more when she sees their lives have only improved as if they befriended people more fortunate to her and all they did was hop out of their friendship with doll just to get the benefits of another. Her story is so tragic I can only wish I was there before the storm that changed her mind forever even came to start off with it's warning showers. The raindrops before the thunder and lightning. There is somethings I found out that I haven't spoken of but from what I put together you really see why someone like her is the way she is. And from what I'm going through at this current time, it only reminds me of who I really have in my life outside of the local domain. It's someone who never lied to me. Put beliefs and lies into my head to control me. Someone who wants to help my destiny to finally come in the wake of chaos not because of chaos but like a hero with light in the midst of the disorder. Because anymore, there isn't that many out there who would catch you when you fall. And soon as she has reminded me, our family will finally become the haven of minds and souls where they once were lost but now guided in their own web like threads of different colors. My heart is so ruptured I need to just fall apart onto my soulmate to the point my vulnerability of my emotions are at unspeakable heights.
I know by then there won't be despair but only the hugs of serotonin where no matter what happens. It is there. The flower patch and it's softness so pure it even never goes away.
To see what has happened is a tragedy that I can't stop playing inside of my head from time to time. Even in his last video of him dying, even people who are now discovering him could tell what he was going through was nothing short of being grim. But his father Clint will make sure that he will be remembered in celebration while also allowing the internet to view the memorial publicly. A gesture he knows his son will greatly appreciate as well as those that were able to watch him from their lenses. Thanks to archives we can peer into the times when Josh was still in his teens fresh out of high school just being him which would eventually lead to the title of being a lolcow.
As much as I'm full of anxiety from morning to night. Deep in me was far as I have come there is no will to want to quit. My mind keeps telling me to give up but none of that even gets close to touching my heart anymore because it's words and rhetoric I won't partake in buying. I looked back at some old photos right before I was born and saw things that shook me to my core. Happiness getting lumped into change as time progressed. There were moments where a camera snapped and caught a time of being in the individuals I know so well where one is no longer alive and the other pushed away from a force I now see visible thanks to wisdom & experience. A time where the trees in the background were nothing but sprouts. Where the neighborhood was nothing but plain land, a few houses and a morning where those two were about to go to school on a cloudy cold day. It was happiness at a time, a moment, & a day that was made and can never me unmade. Just a day to remember.
But with how the water just continues to boil over in general. It's a change in my life I'm having a difficult time conceptualizing because of how impactful it's going to be. Just like how one may Kayak down a stream of water and you see what's ahead. A drop off into a different current and expression of the river. Here you were riding along just fine and now you are having to paddle and wish for the roughness to end. But as much as it's scary for me, something in the back of my mind tells me things won't be as heavy as fear is making it out to be. Now that some truth was given to me, the fear lessens but still persist. The dreams I have been having in the past months has been the imagery of water. Mostly in the fearful form. It's because of the hell I have been going through in my life. So all of this fear and anxiety just converts into these visions of water and the fear it holds. In some senses it feels like I'm just drowning, in others it's the fear of the force and the ability it possesses. I guarantee if I talked to some Physic they would say the same thing if of course you believe in that. But their crystal ball will just be waves, oceanic storms, and rapids in a river. For example the one I had last night is one where I stood in the top floors of a resort. The waves down at the beach were oddly 30 feet tall. No one was at the pool where the palm trees sat nor was there a single soul at the beach. And for what I'm going through I know the dream was manifested because of my fear of change. Even in paradise away from work and obligations I was afraid even on a top floor of a resort. The waves couldn't touch me despite their size but here I am still afraid. Funny enough a coworker I can't stand made one of those smug noises when you suggest something crazy. And the reason he appeared wasn't just because he's someone I can't stand but it's because I lacked confidence in myself to go face the waves that I had to get an opinion from someone I can't stand. So after I glanced back at the waves for a final thought my dream changed to another scene.
But I know much more fabulous days are coming. And soon my dreams will no longer be symbolism in the form of reminders of the suffrage I have to endure in life. Lastly. Doll is someone that has been trying to elevate our beings into a better stage for both of our situations. But as I went to get some coffee just some time ago. I pondered wishes and the emotions I'm driven by her. There are days I get so pissed of at her it causes me to pace back in forth huffing & puffing. And after I prevent myself from exploding on her I begin to understand the importance of someone such as herself in my life. Because for many who have befriended her, it seems the only occurrence is disposing of her. It hurts her even more when she sees their lives have only improved as if they befriended people more fortunate to her and all they did was hop out of their friendship with doll just to get the benefits of another. Her story is so tragic I can only wish I was there before the storm that changed her mind forever even came to start off with it's warning showers. The raindrops before the thunder and lightning. There is somethings I found out that I haven't spoken of but from what I put together you really see why someone like her is the way she is. And from what I'm going through at this current time, it only reminds me of who I really have in my life outside of the local domain. It's someone who never lied to me. Put beliefs and lies into my head to control me. Someone who wants to help my destiny to finally come in the wake of chaos not because of chaos but like a hero with light in the midst of the disorder. Because anymore, there isn't that many out there who would catch you when you fall. And soon as she has reminded me, our family will finally become the haven of minds and souls where they once were lost but now guided in their own web like threads of different colors. My heart is so ruptured I need to just fall apart onto my soulmate to the point my vulnerability of my emotions are at unspeakable heights.
I know by then there won't be despair but only the hugs of serotonin where no matter what happens. It is there. The flower patch and it's softness so pure it even never goes away.
im extremely depressed
Maybe in another life. The words uttered in the heights of despair. In a Christian finite world where words are symbolism of falsity but comes with truthiness beyond the bible belt. The snake eating it's tale for it is a cycle where the end begins the beginning. I know your soul without my knowledge in the present moments will follow me to the shores of Florida. Then on so. When I come back into the place of refuge for it is the garden of our lives. For me. For you a new as it was. When I tour our childhoods together in now a dying mall. It is you and it is a time that grips me to the tiles and the light coming down through the windows of the roof. You have seen the carnage for the past recent time in this life of mine. Tears and trembles. As you have sat next to me freerer than what I am now. Ethereal, eternal, peaceful. You know this pain.
Your transit there is way before me. Your father was from the very place I am knowledgeable of. The origin. Why brother? Why is it so that the place he is from is the same place of a girl like Jane but in my version? It is no coincidence that this was set forth by some random alignments in the stars. Is it so that tonight when I sat listening to the Katydids I came to tears after more of the same thing has happened thinking of you? After I took stand against a Jane in my life that ripped me apart? Oh if it is just you trying to signal to me I would understand. But this is just devastating to me.
My suffrage. The agony. The current ordeal. Brother would I ever see the lightness of a noon where I run like the wind with a Jane? Feel warmness. Euphoria like a time I never lived? This breaking down of me has to be a reform for a better of that better. So I can one day have you follow me to the lands of Japan. Finding a peace at heights beyond my mind. Feeling you with me as you move through the physical virgin to the place of uncharted to us. Come with me to the shrines by the waves and wake with me to the red sun. It is a place you wanted to be and I want to go there with you. I want to sob in a place of healing.
Oh brother I just break down so many times to you. You help me get back up. I know you are apart of the reason why I have not decided to join you in Valhalla or a place of some kind. It is I that will live the life of a million legends. It is a soul inside of my body that will go through the waves of the pendulum of life. And as the many times I forget, I know this is what you set me forth toward because you know it is what I wanted and it is solely what you would want.
Our family has taken too many loses on this side of the front. But you tonight have come to me inside the back of mind and told me beyond my plain senses that destiny is only awakening. That rise in the morning now. And I love you so terribly I can't stop crying. And I'm only sorry even though I have nothing to apologize for. I know you don't want me to be scared. It's so hard sometimes when you feel completely alone. Dreaming of water in the most fearful ways. Waking up to fear and anxiety. Having been pushed away the other night. I'm so hurt.
But now the words "Maybe in another life" mean nothing. Because there is no more passage beyond this one for I have awaken. There is only haven. There is only those fields of lightness. Our feet like the wind. It is only us together with a refined family. I can't stop crying. You would have loved the many times I went to the sunshine state. The people are so friendly. There is no riff raff. You would have loved it. But I know you will be with me. You will be with me when finally I feel the warmness of a Jane but a healthy one. You would laugh somewhere among the stars when I finally score.
I love you. I know you're with me. Fucking with my phone so I can hear Kurt Cobain. Some bum fuck would say it's the phone glitching out or someshit. But you just flood my playlists with Nirvana and only Nirvana. I know it's you. I know our other brother thinks of you some times too. Seeing that photo back in 2000 fucked me up so bad. I know he loves you as much as I do.
I'll play a few songs for you tonight before I go to bed. Rest easy bro
Your transit there is way before me. Your father was from the very place I am knowledgeable of. The origin. Why brother? Why is it so that the place he is from is the same place of a girl like Jane but in my version? It is no coincidence that this was set forth by some random alignments in the stars. Is it so that tonight when I sat listening to the Katydids I came to tears after more of the same thing has happened thinking of you? After I took stand against a Jane in my life that ripped me apart? Oh if it is just you trying to signal to me I would understand. But this is just devastating to me.
My suffrage. The agony. The current ordeal. Brother would I ever see the lightness of a noon where I run like the wind with a Jane? Feel warmness. Euphoria like a time I never lived? This breaking down of me has to be a reform for a better of that better. So I can one day have you follow me to the lands of Japan. Finding a peace at heights beyond my mind. Feeling you with me as you move through the physical virgin to the place of uncharted to us. Come with me to the shrines by the waves and wake with me to the red sun. It is a place you wanted to be and I want to go there with you. I want to sob in a place of healing.
Oh brother I just break down so many times to you. You help me get back up. I know you are apart of the reason why I have not decided to join you in Valhalla or a place of some kind. It is I that will live the life of a million legends. It is a soul inside of my body that will go through the waves of the pendulum of life. And as the many times I forget, I know this is what you set me forth toward because you know it is what I wanted and it is solely what you would want.
Our family has taken too many loses on this side of the front. But you tonight have come to me inside the back of mind and told me beyond my plain senses that destiny is only awakening. That rise in the morning now. And I love you so terribly I can't stop crying. And I'm only sorry even though I have nothing to apologize for. I know you don't want me to be scared. It's so hard sometimes when you feel completely alone. Dreaming of water in the most fearful ways. Waking up to fear and anxiety. Having been pushed away the other night. I'm so hurt.
But now the words "Maybe in another life" mean nothing. Because there is no more passage beyond this one for I have awaken. There is only haven. There is only those fields of lightness. Our feet like the wind. It is only us together with a refined family. I can't stop crying. You would have loved the many times I went to the sunshine state. The people are so friendly. There is no riff raff. You would have loved it. But I know you will be with me. You will be with me when finally I feel the warmness of a Jane but a healthy one. You would laugh somewhere among the stars when I finally score.
I love you. I know you're with me. Fucking with my phone so I can hear Kurt Cobain. Some bum fuck would say it's the phone glitching out or someshit. But you just flood my playlists with Nirvana and only Nirvana. I know it's you. I know our other brother thinks of you some times too. Seeing that photo back in 2000 fucked me up so bad. I know he loves you as much as I do.
I'll play a few songs for you tonight before I go to bed. Rest easy bro
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