Freeze Peach 🍑 crescent / 2nd in command / roses's brother

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Some shit is hard to explain. But there is a place called the either. It's where thoughts hit others before mouths opens to speak them. Where intuition and ideas come from. Michael Jackson once said that he had to make songs before prince. Referencing this place. Last night I was researching wormholes. How they are not proven to exist but are yet used in mathematics and physics to solve problems like particles, shit I can't understand. I bring both these things up because I keep feeling like I lived a life before this one where it was in the 80s and 90s. I don't have any memories of this but I feel like I have experienced a life before this one and I may have met my fate before the 2000s at a young age; 20s or 30s. I know this sounds crazy but I cannot explain it. And the more I dig myself into the either of things and the fact time doesn't exist. Nor does history, the present or the future. And if you leave this world in the perspective of just either. Then you see things from the lens of lives before you. Perhaps this can explain my oddities. I know my dead brother can't just communicating me through events, people and circumstances. Every time something builds up to going wrong, then it goes wrong; then what goes wrong dissolves into a right. Then his name appears constantly to remind me it is either me or him changing my world. Lately because of my strange feelings of a past life I only made peace with life more for some unknown reason. Call it insanity because one can go mad with thoughts beyond his own realm of understanding. But you can introspect so much to see that nothing matters but then the things you hold close do. That you belong no matter when you were born. You could have been an artist or an astronaut but it doesn't matter only when you make it matter. One can own a million cars or one can own a million pets. One can hold pennies, One can hold more assets than the gold in the world. You grow out your hair or you keep it short. It's all the same and nothing is real. The calendar is as fool of shit as any job you have to work. Even when you have a career, you could have a different one in another timeline. And timelines intercept, mingle, or move apart. Parallel universes exist but not in the fashion you see in movies or shows. Maybe I'm going through a mentioned worm hole. I know everything is full of it's own shit but I feel like I have seen this movie before called "life". And as much as I love the time I'm in, that again isn't real; I feel like I have lived in a time where things were better in it's own ways. Only for me to take a previous life for granite once I have discovered that I lived it in the first place. Reincarnation is very real. Do your research into it. But you can only know the answers of yours through lucid dreaming, astral projection or simply meditating til you fall asleep. I don't know. I know this. The timeline where I run onionfarms is full of gifts for not just myself but for the people that will reside in it who never heard of it. Under a new era because of me. It will prosper. Likewise to soemo.
 
I retract what I said when in desiring a BPD Admin with a vagina.
Though it would be fun. Stimulating. Kills boredom. It's not appealing to me anymore. Though a cutie with a bright smile with the only mental illness being over attachment to me. That way I wake up and see inevitable post about my existence. People say I have a drive like no other. But I want to see a women have more of a drive than me beating me at my own game. She out jesters the jester. She out does the essays. But mostly, she puts all of that power into showing affection. She's untouched. Yet she isn't some girl that has to wear a sundress to let me know of her innocence. Very protective. Perhaps tomboyish in ways. Yeah she's crazy. Deranged. But would never do anything to hurt me or make me mad. Just arguments we laugh at later. OnionFarms can be anything. More than just this. But it would be quite the tale if I got a girlfriend from the very site I wish to run. I almost won $100,000 the other day without even caring to worry about if I win anything. I could have showed the ticket but I threw it away because no amount of money can buy this site. But for sure my heart dances with the idea of giving it the love it need. Just like the idea of a girl behind a screen in the dark. Alone. Preferably alone. Seeing me from a far. Randomly stumbling upon me. Then giving me a message in private. That I'm interesting. That we should talk on discord. I really want a girl that I can trust to climb into my mind. Not because it's fractured but so her own consciousness can understand the organ that holds visions and emotions. But of me who I am the very own. Someone I can surrender to and fall into. Someone that will fight for me even against the nonsensical voices in my head. Against the anxiety in my head in the morning. As well as worries of any kind.

It will be oceans then oceans never ending. Of her rain onto me where autumn forest warm me and a creek deep in that forest runs it's currents over small rocks that permit sounds of essence in gentleness so I can sleep for ages; for when I wake it is heaven. Endless.
 
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Hasn't been active for 7 days. Doesn't care about her fans or what's left of them. This is someone that got clout because of someone else's creation. Technically didn't earn any popularity because she left on the first week.

When I had a community. It was around the size of whatever this one is. But I had 15 consecutive community members. I averaged 10 views but always had a full discord call and interacted with everyone daily. Everyone knew each other closely. There was lore that me and the very last few I speak to remember that will still laugh about.

Vicky is undeserving of a Discord server full of people. Even when she's given it, she fails at running it. She's probably depressed though. Binging on pills and Kratom. I hope she kills herself and doesn't fail at it this time.
 
I miss Kiwifails. I think he bailed on me in fear of losing his job. I get it. He got spooked because he showed me an AI model that wasn't disclosed to the general public. But if Kiwifails came back I'd be so happy. He may have some weird disorder for him to be a jerk off but that's only on rare occasions. And I know he never means it. He has a good heart but he takes shit wayyyy too serious. He introduced me to spiritual philosophy that he needs to practice himself. I don't mean that in an asshole way, but he stresses so hard sometimes. I would entrust kiwifails in a very important position for my websites and I would compensate him securely. Since he offered sincerity and helped me rise to the position I am, I can only buy him the world for his troubles in satisfying my needs and concerns. I say this to rose. "There will never be another one of you" but to have someone in similar energy of kiwifails would be a blast. A guy that you know for sure wears glasses and will talk you to the moon about obscure shit on a good friday night who can have a shit attack (funny way of being pissy and mad) but never means ill will who is trying to be a friend. But if I never speak to Kiwi Fails again, he gave me important spiritual well being advice and information. Gave me a hand in becoming an Admin. I know he will continue to do well in life and his stories were always interesting. He did encourage me to seek out the uncharted. Mostly in the rest of this country I have not witnessed. If I run OnionFarms. I will dedicated a plaque to Kiwifails as well as respectable figures such as Rose and past Admins. CSO as well. We had our differences but he was a good friend and I won't forget about him.

I don't want to fight wars anymore with anyone. I mean it will happen but I don't want anymore in fighting on Onion among the council of members. The conflict between me and Jack for instance did us no favors. I know we will always fight but having to feel the need to pull the plug on the podcast is not something I'm proud of. You can argue. You can't fix someone that acts like a broken clock. Yeah, you're right. But I believe in the impossible. And with the trajectory of this website. I owe it the renovation it needs. You can never please everyone and I know pulling the plug on the podcast was not in the interest of the people. But I promise I will make it up to the idea of the commons. We are a forum, we need the commons to exist. It won't be in the form of what previously was organized. It will be casual calls like I used to do on Youtube. I hope for it to be frequent and I can have someone run it the commons when I'm not around to do so. It won't be a stream though if anyone streams it, I would allow it. It's just calls that happen and I may stream them to open a portal to the internet for those that never heard of this place.

Seeing how Vicky treats her discord server makes me disgusted. I can only think of ideas that would benefit the one I can run.

Seeing how Rose is constantly leaping to another platform for stability also continues to bother me. At least I can give her something to be a part of in the long run.
 

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