• I am cleaning up the Cowsphere forum. If you are looking for something in the Cowsphere and can't find it please check in the celebritysphere.

The Suppository of all Copypasta

The human penis is certainly among the finest in the animal kingdom. It is generally of robust, satisfying proportion, features subtle ribbing that provides sturdiness and enhanced sensation, has smooth, sliding skin which reduces friction and provides excellent mouthfeel, and is visually interesting with its many veins, skin folds, and a glans with a shape that suggests sleekness and a color that changes to demonstrate the intensity of lust.

However, it is certainly not the best. It is firmly in third place.

In first obviously comes the horse. I won't go into great detail on horse cocks, as they are already quite popular even with the non-zoophilic general public. The size, the shape, and the power of the animal a horse cock is attached to are all part of a sexual mystique that has been well explored in many cultures throughout history.

There is one other kind of animal, however, that has us solidly beat, even though it has no such following. I speak of the spectacular, over-the-top sensuality of the amazing "red rocket" possessed by canines. We ignore this one, perhaps, because dogs are generally much closer to the majority of us than horses. There is no reason to romanticize the mundane, as we do for the equine penis, and we are often quite scared of our dogs' sexuality, since we do have to live with them instead of just looking at them in a field we're driving by. By acknowledging that it's at all there, we are forced to deal with it in a fashion other than having the vet remove it, and we are usually more worried about what that means for us than what it means for them.

Nonetheless, dog penises are wonderful, a fact which deserves to be recognized even if the vast majority of us will never experience one firsthand.

The first thing that anyone will notice about a dog's erection is the color. "Florid" is the best word I can think of to describe this beautiful display. From angry, fire engine red, through every possible shade of pink, with some extraordinary specimens additionally featuring deep purple and glistening white, an erect dog's penis rewards the viewer's eyes with the full spectrum of colors that our culture associates with the urgent desire of lust. As it comes out of its sheath, its palette seems to beg to return to a warm and cozy place inside the body of another.

Its form and functionality are similarly titillating. The pointed, very slightly flared tip allows for easy entry without being completely smooth, and while perhaps not as visually exciting as the glans of a human, certainly gets the job done comfortably and efficiently. The size when fully erect tends to be very impressive in proportion to its owner, often being much thicker and somewhat longer than the average human penis. However, most people aren't fully aware of that, because of another handy trick the canine dick can perform.

When the action begins, it's much smaller. Very thin, and a bit shorter. Once it's in, or played with sufficiently, it inflates to its full, throbbing size, allowing for the receptive partner to adjust more comfortably. No inflatable dildo I've ever seen has such a wide range of widths as does our best friends' tackle. They usually just seem to start at "too big" and get "slightly bigger." A dog's penis is much more friendly, allowing even the novice to enjoyably accommodate something really fat and juicy.

And juicy it certainly is! One of the best things about wolf wang is the precum. There is so much! And unlike ours, which merely drools when we get close to the end, theirs begins squirting almost constantly, nearly as soon as the fun begins. The result is a satisfyingly messy taste sensation that is truly without compare. On the other end, this also serves a practical purpose, contributing greatly to the fact that a dog penis is self-lubricating, a trait I'm sure we've all wished we could share at some point.

Of course, no discussion of dog dicks would be complete without a mention of the crown jewel, the one thing that most strikingly sets them apart from us: the bulbus glandis. Ranging in size from a rather small plum to near that of a softball, the swollen base of a canine's cock is both an invitation and a challenge. Do you want to take the knot? Can you? Once you have, of course, there is the dizzying feeling of being dominated, not by your partner, but by your own desires. Trapped there on the floor for up to twenty minutes, one must simply wait and enjoy the feeling of being so consumed with lustful passion that the fear and shame of being caught seem immaterial. When you are tied, it is inescapable that a part of your identity is firmly outside of the mainstream's comfort zone. A piece of your soul is there, wrapped tightly around that dog's twitching, squirting dick just as surely as your pussy or ass is.

The thing that draws many to such interests is the fact that this is a perfectly symbolic microcosm for all of our sexuality. In our culture, even purely vanilla sex is often made to feel "naughty." The most banal and benign aspects of sexuality are couched in terms that make us feel a little wrong to want it, even in the strictly defined contexts where it's not supposed to be. In that moment when you accept the knot, and make yourself incapable of defense against whatever might occur should your door suddenly open, you have decided that you're not going to play that game anymore. The world may say you're a filthy slut; you're happy to be one, if that means enjoying yourself to the fullest with your most loyal companion.

Overall, it is simply a fact that your dog's dick is better than yours in nearly every way that matters. It's alright to feel a little jealous, but I think it would be nice if we as a culture could recognize this more openly, similarly to how we do for horses. Happiness in this strange and beautiful world in which we live lies in fully appreciating all of nature's marvels, and nature has certainly made the canine penis marvelous.
 
I have no intention of having sex before I'm married, myself. It's no-fly in the moral framework I strive to meet, and the potential risk of pregnancy in my position is too high. I actually decided that it might be less of a turn off if I scared off ladies from the idea of having sex with me by saying that I will get them pregnant-- no sabotage, just every line of birth control failing under the weight of my earnest efforts.

I might actually be alone in that, though. It feels like it a little. Last person I was with was verbally adamant about not having sex until marriage but ran several sex fantasies by me and was really into kissing to the point that she had me pinned even after I told her I literally needed to use the bathroom multiple times.

That was partly my fault, though-- aside from being the less sexually aggressive, I was passive, so my lines weren't firm and I could get carried away to a point. But my unwillingness to put out had nothing to do with attraction.
 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡴⠞⠉⢉⣭⣿⣿⠿⣳⣤⠴⠖⠛⣛⣿⣿⡷⠖⣶⣤⡀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⠁⢀⣶⢻⡟⠿⠋⣴⠿⢻⣧⡴⠟⠋⠿⠛⠠⠾⢛⣵⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀
⣼⣿⡿⢶⣄⠀⢀⡇⢀⡿⠁⠈⠀⠀⣀⣉⣀⠘⣿⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⠛⡹⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀
⣭⣤⡈⢑⣼⣻⣿⣧⡌⠁⠀⢀⣴⠟⠋⠉⠉⠛⣿⣴⠟⠋⠙⠻⣦⡰⣞⠁⢀⣤⣦⣤⠀
⠀⠀⣰⢫⣾⠋⣽⠟⠑⠛⢠⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⡄⠀⠀⠀⠘⣷⡈⠻⣍⠤⢤⣌⣀
⢀⡞⣡⡌⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⡀⠀⠀⠀⠸⣇⠀⢾⣷⢤⣬⣉
⡞⣼⣿⣤⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠸⣿⣇⠈⠻
⢰⣿⡿⢹⠃⠀⣠⠤⠶⣼⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⠀⠀⣿⠛⡄⠀
⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⡟⡀⠀⠈⡗⠲⠶⠦⢤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣸⣧⣤⣤⠤⠤⣿⣀⡀⠉⣼⡇⠀
⣿⣴⣴⡆⠀⠀⠻⣄⠀⠀⠡⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠋⠀⠀⠀⡈⠀⠻⠟⠀⢀⠋⠉⠙⢷⡿⡇⠀
⣻⡿⠏⠁⠀⠀⢠⡟⠀⠀⠀⠣⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠈⠀⢀⣀⡾⣴⠃⠀
⢿⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⠄⣀⠠⠼⣁⠀⡱⠤⠤⠐⠁⠀⠀⣸⠋⢻⡟⠀⠀
⠈⢧⣀⣤⣶⡄⠘⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣤⠖⠛⠻⣄⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⡾⠋⢀⡞⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⡇⠀⠈⠓⢦⣤⣤⣤⡤⠞⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠒⠚⢩⡅⣠⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢧⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐
 
>The smell of hot pockets filled the board like a nickel-store whore wearing too much cheap perfume. The janitor had pulled the trigger. 3 days in the hole, no get out of jail free card. Little did he know, this cat had 9 lives, and just as many IPs. Our little dance would continue under the pale moonlight, he'd never catch me. The funniest thing, that scumbag wasn't even earning a dime.

>The foul stench was like a poison in the air. The joint was packed with dragon dildos and microwave pizza leftovers. Underneath the desk were sticky socks and transparent glass bottles filled to the brim with yellow liquid, and it wasn't pineapple juice. The decaying John Doe lying on the bed hadn't left the room for an eternity. Where the hell was I? Only one letter. V. It sure wasn't for victory.

>The front page was a bottomless void of flavor of the week banality and predictable mediocrity. Pathological gamblers helplessly rolling for dubs, occult freaks worshipping cartoonish frogs and 2D hookers with hearts of digital gold... I couldn't escape v's eternal faggotry. Soon I would reach page 15 and be trapped in 404 limbo. I was in a Max Payne thread.
 
I grew up in a little town south of the Kentucky border... things were simple. You tended the farm, raised the herd... and if anyone gave you shit? Son, you beat the fucker down. You were a man. And under that hot alabama sun you learned the values of christ, america, and manhood- the missisipi trio as my pop called it... may god bless his soul...
And a man like me? Well when we weren’t out hunting or at the bar? We watched sport. None of that pussy european shit- real sport, arizona sport. I’d get back home... hang up my duster, cold beer, my girl cooking some fineeee BBQ... and id watch muscular, toned black men. Sometimes they’d collide into each other, sometimes bounce a ball... but they were always fine specimens. I’d watch those darkies sweat and toil for hours... and I’ll admit my loins stirred more than once... called it the texas rise, heh... and when I watched those guys play, my mind... wandered. I imagined them taking my girl... like animals- hoo boy did that get me goin! I remember, in the 12th ad break of the NFL playoffs powered by mcdonalds I’m loving it, right after the arbys presents: the danger kick! I noticed my missus watching those stallions on screen... stroking that pussy of hers. And I tell you what... without a word I drove her down the city, philidelphia- my home- and she made love to every nigger in sight. I milked my johnson more than ever that night. So when you pussy europeans talk about sport... remember what REAL men play
 
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Complete Guide of:
Laying a girl V 1.1
------------------------------------------------------------------

Table of contents:
==================================

A. Purpose of the guide
B. The first meets
C. Phase I. - "I like you"
D. Phase II. - The body language
E. Phase III. - Actually doing it
===================================


A. Purpose of this guide.
-------------------------

Firstly, this isn't a joke guide. All the methods described
here are working, and with not too much difficulties.

Don't expect that you will be able to lay a girl in one week.
Not with this guide anyway. If you have the time, patience, and
some manners, you will succeed.

I don't pretend to be a big expert in girls; I'm not.
But after some experience with them, I can provide you some
information that can help you, with the first moves between
he's and her's business.


I will happily update this guide and improve it, with your
help, of course. Please send me comments and please help to make
it better.


The editor,
John Smith, Boston
contact: in every BBS around...

Dedicated to Limor, who helped me to compile it
without even knowing it...


B. The first meets
------------------

I believe you have a girlfriend you can experiment with.
If you don't, find one. For those purposes, every mid looking
girl will suit. Every one can owe a girlfriend, and it's not
the time and place to explain how to reach one. (maybe in the
next "completed guide of...").

If you don't have a girlfriend yet, at least try to achieve
a meet with one.

If you want to continue seeing this girl you have to remember
the following:

* Don't make a physical connection on the first dates
(don't kiss her goodbye and don't hug her )

* Let her talk. If she has a lot to say - just listen.
A node with the head and some leading questions will do.

* If she is permanently silent you can always ask her about:

- herself (hobbies ext.)
- school (although it seems to be boring, you can talk
hours on this subject)
- her musical prefers (If she mentions an artist that
you dislike, don't show it to her. Just hide it.

- tell her about yourself.
- ask her if she knows x & y from her school.
- and the most important: don't answer with yes or no.
those above are chat-stoppers. Expand you speech.
- tell her jokes
- remember to have a lot of humour - they like it.
- very important : don't be serious.
- Mind your manners: don't talk rudely nor curse.
- smile : release the tense.

If all the above fail, and you can't find common language
with her, you Probably won't keep with her long time.

* Where to go at the first time:

- movie (let her choose, but don't insist on doing so)
You can talk about the movie latter.
Pay for you both. (as it's obvious). If she's ok, she
will insist on paying on herself.
- go for a walk
- meet at one of your homes. (It's better on her home - she'll
feel more relaxed and free)
- party : if available
- School - only if you learn in the same school

* If you enjoyed her company, tell her so. Tell her that you
enjoyed, and you want to see her again. Before the end of
the meet, fix yourselves a new date (fix it on the same evening)
exchange telephones, ofcourse.

* Flatter her, but know your limits. Flatter to her nice sides.
(Every one has some). Tell her how nice she is.
Flatter to her looks (If you at least find her attractive).
Don't say to her "You are the most beautiful girl I ever so"-
It sounds non-natural.(She's Probably not.)

* If she plays (love-games) a little - please understand.
we'll close the bills later...

* Don't bother her with too much telephone calls. Be cool
at the first meets, or she'll take advantage over you.
Show her you interested, but not desperate.

How will you know if you are friends or not?
here are some ways:

- Hear what her girlfriend thinks about your connection.
(For instance: If she meets her girlfriend in the street,
and the above askes if she is your girlfriend - hear what
she says (it's an embarrassing moment - from experience...)
- Enter phrases that assume that she is you girlfriend in
your talkes to her. (not infront of her and your friends)
See how she react to those statements.

The first physical connection. There are two ways establishing it:

* The spontaneous way: Kiss her goodbye (not in the first
date - she'll appreciate it if you'll have patience.)
In the following date take you hands together.
It's very romantic.
Dance with her in one of your homes. Dance is a kind
of hug, and it the middle of this slow song - kiss here.
(she might be shy in public, so understand her,
and do this critical steps in public garden or other
quiet place.)

* The non-spontaneous way: Lead her to non-public and
quiet place (i.e. garden) look in her eyes and silent
for a moment or so. She, understanding the moment, will
silent too. Approach her head with yours, and gently
kiss her a few times on her mouth. Hug her.
(BTW, this the recommended way).


By this time, if she is with you, you'll understand that she
likes your company. If she didn't, you won't reach that stage.
If she likes you (or love you - in the better case), she would
more then hugs and kisses -- but don't hurry. You should have
patience. You should reach the bed only by small steps.


C. Phase I - "I like you"
-------------------------

You (both) will start to say compliments to each other.
Don't say you love her if you don't feel anything to her.
Choose the right moment of doing so.

Imagine the situation: You tell her "I Love you.". She, likes
you very much, but the way to love is still long.
She will be in shocking situation. If she'll say "I love you too"
and she doens't mean it - you will both leave in lie.
If she'll be silent, you will Probably have bad feelings --
"She doesn't love me at all.."

You can say to her "I like you/your looks/your style."
This isn't strong as "love". Love is very strong word.
Don't use it when not needed.

Some guys say to their girls that they love them -
They think she will jump to the bed right a way.
Although she will try to show you her greetings, don't expect
to much. She's just a girl, and if she is between younger then 16.
she's Probably virgin.

Bring her flowers & presents some time - it will mean very much
to her. If you like to write, write her love letters.
Bring her audio cassette with love songs - she'll remember you
and connect you to them.


D. Phase II The body language
-----------------------------

You are now on the kings way.

You should talk about sex by this time. Ask her what she thinks
about it. (Don't involve doing sex with YOU). Ask her about
sex generally. Ask her what is the appropriate age for doing it.

Start investigating her body - only in one of your homes.
After you kiss her you should get to a situation where
you are laying one infront of another (on the bed)

Let your hand travel over her body Don't touch between her
legs - do the things in the order below.

Sneak you hand under her skirt and pat her back.
If she wears a bra put you hand under the stripe (the one
above her back - but don't open it - let your hand travel under
the bra surface and forward to her tits. Don't touch hard there -
it hurts. If she resists get you hand out of there quickly.
We will continue later with this. Give her 10 minutes of rest
from the last event. Talk about something else.
(Remember - Don't ask her why she resists. Just ignore.)

Another area you should quest is her ass. Pat it gently -
Stack you hand gently under her trousers and move your hand
more deeply every time. She'll Probably resist or do sounds
of disagreement. Remember - Even if she says she's not -
She like your touches there. By this time you should be friends
for 1-2 months or so - you know each other enough for those
games.

After few meets doing the above, you can try removing her bra.
The fastest you do it-the better she won't say anything.
Don't ask her too remove it by herself - You're on you own now.
after you opened it, don't ask her to totally remove it
(not at the first time, at least).

Now it's a very important moment. Remember to close the
lights, and get blanket from somewhere. Move you hand down to the
area of her cunt. (all with clothes, of course).
Pat her near it - but don't touch it directly. She'll bag in
her mind from you to do it. After a few minutes of doing so,
(Don't forget to kiss her all the times...she's not a sex machine)

Move your hand directly to there. You might feel some bones there
(and by this time you are wondering where the hall is)

Don't ask her if it's good to her. It is. Your touch there
is just like an electrical shock - it's very pleasuring.

If she's OK, she will do the same to you, so you will both
feel perfect understand of each other. She might resist to your
touch, but -believe me- if you'll stop toucing there for a meet
or so, she will curse herself. The next time you'll try -
you won't hear a hiss.

Now...open her trousers. If she'll resist ask her what she
afraids from. What can possibly happen?
Start patting her cunt harder and with circulating movements.
(she is still with her underwear -- don't remove it!)
Have patience and control yourself.
If she'll like what you are doing there, and she's OK,
she will do the same to you. Don't hide your erect penis.
You can't. But she'll will be amazed from the quick reaction...

Now your hand is there - circulating over her underwear.
The best way of directly touching it is to "accidently"
insert a finger under her underwear. (Do it from her legs side)
She want resist...don't insert a finger in the hole -
It can hurt even if she isn't virgin. Remove you fingers from
there and insert full hand from her stomach side.
Lay your forehand on her hair, and let the fingers play a little
down there. Try to locate her clitoris - this is the mega power
station of emotions... (Open the little lips of her cunt and
travel up until they meet (the lips) there should be there
an small organ (About 2-3 cm) - remember:Don't touch there to
long - it is the most enjoying organ there, but it's not the only.

Don't forget to kiss her all the times. You can lick her tits
nipples (not all the girls will let you doing so in that stage)
Kiss her under her neck and lick her hear.

Continue touching her there. The lights are off, but try to
look if her eyes are closed. If they are - she's enjoying.
If not, continue patting her there - her eyes will be closed
immediately.

Try to concentrate on her (girls like attention) but if she
wants to pleasure you let her doing so. Remember - don't expect
to much from her. You are the leader in the bed.

Try to give her an orgasm. A few minutes of direct squeezes
at her clitoris will do. If it doesn't - ask her what will make
her good there. Let her instruct you, but don't insist on it.
If she has a serial of convulsions - she reached it (with your
help of course). After that she will feel free to do it to you...

After the next meet she will take a talk with you. She'll say
that she don't like what you've reached ("..I think we are getting
to much close to it..."). Ask her "What do you afraid of??
You had fun didn't you? Look. I don't rowing anywhere.
I don't know if I want to it yet (I mean full sex)".
She'll be convinced. She won't start with it when you are doing so-
she have to much pleasure...

You are both naked now, beside of your underwear (I hope).
Now - lay on her.
Curse the existence of your lower underwear - Loudly.
Lay her on her back. Massage her for 10 minutes. Kiss her back.
Now - Remove her underwear completely - she'll fill safe
because she is on her stomach. (No danger of actual intercourse).
Remove your pants. Lay on her (She still upside down -remember?)
She will Probably feel great and hot. Rub your penis against her
ass chicks. Say to her "would you like me to take some safety
percations?". She'll say "What do you mean?" answer her:
"I almost finished...".

Pull a condom from somewhere (I bet it waited a long time...)
and put it. Lay again over her and make some moves. Now - Rotate
her so she'll lay on her back again. Lay over her. Fiddle with her
cunt a little and try to insert your penis.
If she'll say "don't insert" - say "ok", wait and retry.

If it doesn't enter, open her lips with your two hands and try
again. If she is virgin, it will Probably hurt her a little
so please be patient and if you are powerful, wait for the next
meet. (In the next meet throw your parents of your house for the
day). If it still hurts her, try to expend her virgin membrane
with your fingers. (There IS a hole there - even if she is totally
virgin. All you have to do is expend it a little).

Congratulations....


What if it doesn't work - There are few possibilities:

- You tried to move too forward with not too much time.
- She's totally cold (Frigid). Find someone else.
- She isn't ready yet. Convince her. "What do you have to loose?"
remember that you must make yourself credit from hers side
- She is afraid of pregnancy : Wait, or convince her that you
will take a reliable anti-pregnancy device. (Tell her that
you'll take condoms; If she's virgin, this is the only
possibility).

If she is totally afraid, but want to try sexual intercourse,
convince her to take anti-pregnancy pills.
It is vey hard for anyone to admit befor a strange person
that you're making sexual intercoures; try to understand.
BTW, the doctors usually don't "insert hands" today.
(They just test blood pressure and heart beat rate)

She will give you examples of girls that she READ about that
used anti-pregnancy devices that failed; tell her "Did you hear
about all the intercourses which didn't end with pregnancy ?"
and "Why are you so negative about it? it's positive thing!"

- If all above fails and she still don't want it, wait.
or....merry her...

All the procedure described here (From totally start) Should
Take about 3 months. If you're thinking that you are moving
to quick, slow the rate.


John Smith.
 
"Make America Get Fear Employing State Terrorists"
Thank Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, that the communist "sharing is caring" anti-Capitalist leftist fetish pedophile festival show is cancelled. Hopefully this teaches that no matter what, we won't give up or surrender our heterosexual men rights. Recently games have included fags, trannies and women in powerful positions. Japan is even worse for all the fetish stuff. Anti-Christianity, underage girls(lolis, pedo-bait) and sometimes even faggots too.

I am ashamed that our videogames have been ruined to such point. It is time for us to make videogames great again. We will laugh as libs cry rivers when we get back our manly CoD, Battlefield and Madden from the clutches of SJWs.
Make vidya great again! Fuck Europoors, fuck poors in general and heil T R U M P!!!
Lets start by getting rid of Nintendo and PC spam on /v. They are pedophiles and 3rd world Europoors so we don't need them on this board.
Then lets get rid of all "console-tan" thread. It is basically same lolishit that Japan does. Then we just get rid of trannySJWlibtard-indies like Noita(SJW female empowerment shit straight from communist country), Hades(Pagan SJW shit) and Stardew Valley(SJW filled gay-fest).
Then we have our board back, and degenerates will fuck off.
MAGA > MAGfest
 
The Holy Church of Ponginae was conceived of on April 1st, 2014 in a small house in the mountains, west of Conifer, Colorado. It began after an afternoon of heavy consumption of Alcoholic beverages, food and cannabis. An epiphany was realized by its founders while evaluating numerous documentaries and videos on religion, atheism and agnosticism.
It was decided that evening, people needed an alternative to established religions, and provide a methodology and opportunity to openly disgrace, dishonor, damage the reputation of, compromise, stigmatize, smear, tarnish, taint, slur, disgrace, dishonor, satirize, burlesque, lampoon, caricature, mimic, imitate, ape, copy, make fun of, jeer at, deride, scorn, make fun of, laugh at, scoff at, tease, taunt imitate, impersonate and mimic them.

It was also decided that unlike all other religions and theologies, the Holy Church of Ponginae is to change and evolve at the whims of it’s creators and practitioners. It is open to all…to change, alter, make different, adjust, adapt, amend, modify, revise, refine; reshape, refashion, redesign, restyle, revamp, rework, remodel, reorganize, vary, transform, transfigure, transmute, metamorphose, evolve; doctor, rejig, modify and edit as is deemed necessary or unnecessary. However, All changes to the Holy Church of Ponginae’s core beliefs, dogma, rituals, canonical texts and media must first meet certain criteria.

For the next two weeks, the council of Gigantopithicus convened daily to establish the foundation of the Holy Church of Ponginae, whilst imbibing mass quantities of alcohol, food and cannabis. Through the intoxicated debates of the council, many issues and disagreements were resolved, and a consensus was finally reached on its intent, core beliefs, canonical texts, dogma and rituals.
 
You must trust me, I have one piece of advice and you must follow it without question: you must stop reading this and go straight to the last paragraph.

Do so without reading any other paragraphs and do it now. Please... trust me.

What happens next is entirely your fault. You failed the test and now you're in danger. I didn't write this.

They made me write it. It's my fingers on the keyboard, that's all, and your eyes on these words. Whatever happens, do not look away from these words. Keep reading until I tell you otherwise. And when I tell you otherwise, do exactly as I say. For if you do not read this exactly how I tell you to, you will die.

Listen carefully. First, you must skip the paragraph that follows this one. Whatever you do, you must never read the paragraph following this one. You must ignore it completely, casting your eyes down to the paragraph that follows it. Promise me, for the sake of those you hold dear. This is your only chance to redeem yourself for not trusting me earlier. Skip the paragraph following this one, and do so now.

The Forbidden Paragraph: You had to do it, didn't you? They knew you would. Nothing you do now will make any difference. If there are people you love, call them. Tell them whatever people tell their loved ones when they know they're about to die. Settle any scores.

Make your final arrangements. From this moment on, you will stay alive only as long as you can stay awake. The next time you fall asleep will be your last. They're watching you. They're listening to your thoughts. They'll wait for you. And when you fall asleep, they'll come for you. You should have trusted me.

If you skipped the paragraph above, you've done well. But your troubles are not over. For placing your trust in me at the second asking, you have given yourself a chance to live. This is what you need to know. They're watching you. They're listening to your thoughts. They're waiting for you to make a mistake.

When you do, they'll come for you. To stay alive, you must draw blood from someone you love. A drop, that's all, and place it on your tongue. That's what they want. That's what they need. They're inside you right now, and they're waiting. If between waking up and falling asleep you fail to deliver the blood of a loved one, you will never wake up again.

Follow this advice, and never, never go back and read the forbidden paragraph. Trust me.

If you followed my advice in the first paragraph, well done. You can stop reading now. But never, never be tempted to come back and read the paragraphs you skipped. You must trust me. And please wish me luck. I'm tired. So tired, you just can't imagine...
 
Hello,
Please do not throw this letter away until you have carefully considered what I am about to tell you. This can be the most important communication you will ever receive if you can understand and act upon this incredible opportunity. My name is David Rhode. In September 1987, my car was repossessed and bill collectors were hounding me like you would not believe. I was laid off and my unemployment had run out. In January 1989, I was able to take my family on a cruise. In February 1989, I bought a new Cadillac with cash. I am now building a new home in Virginia and never have to work again! In October of 1987, I received this letter in the mail telling me how to earn $50,000 anytime I wanted to. Of course, I was skeptical, but because I was desperate and had nothing to lose, I gave it a try. However, I promised myself I would share any money I received with others. Today, I have all the money I want, and you can too, but only if you act upon this opportunity in good faith. I earned $200,000 the first year and will be a millionaire soon. The program works perfectly every time. I have never earned less than $33,000 each time. JUST BY FOLLOWING THE INSTRUCTIONS EXACTLY. This is a legal business opportunity which is covered in Title 15,sec. 1302-1345 of the Postal and Lottery Laws. It does not require you to sell anything or come into contact with people. Best thing is, you only have to mail these letters. If you have always dreamed of getting that lucky break, you just got it! God helps those that help themselves, is more than a quaint saying, it's a proven fact. So, now it is up to you. If you follow these instructions exactly, in good faith, your dreams will come true. Follow the instructions below and in 20 to 60 days, you would receive more cash than you would believe, all in the mail!

1. Immediately mail a five dollar bill to each of the five names below. This is for services rendered, which makes the system legal.

2. REMOVE the FIRST NAME below, move the others up, and place your name in the FIFTH POSITION.

3. Make 100 copies of both these letters SHOWING YOUR NAME IN THE FIFTH POSITION.

4. Get your list of 100 names from S.E. Mailing List, P.O. Box 150**, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33318.
($13.00 for 100 names or $55.00 for 500 names), or call (954) 742-95** and use your credit card.

5. Your mailing list takes about a week to arrive, so while you are waiting, place one copy of each letter into the 100 envelopes, and put stamps on them. DO NOT PUT YOUR RETURN ADDRESS ON THE ENVELOPES!

6. The mailing list will arrive on pre-glued labels. Simply stick the labels on the envelopes you already prepared and then mail them. That is all there is to it.



1. Randy Sue *oldridge, 36*** Silver Spur Lane, Palmdale, CA 93550

2. Janis *imble, 5** 4th Avenue SE Apt A, Pacific, WA 98047

3. J.V. *hipple, 6*** Dias Avenue #33, Sacramento, CA 95824

4. Maye S. *uten, 1*** N. Terrace Dr. Apt. #43, Provo, UT 84604

5. W. S. *lack, P.O. Box 540***, Grand Prairie TX 75054


ACTUAL LETTERS FROM PARTICIPANTS. THEY ARE NOT MADE UP

About a month ago, I received the enclosed letter. I ignored it. I was convinced it was a hoax and could not possibly work. I was wrong! About three weeks later I decided to go ahead and give it a try. I did not expect much because I figured other people were as skeptical as I was. Three weeks went by, nothing, the fourth week rolled up , and I could not believe what happened! I did not receive $50,000 but is was over $30,000. For the first time, I am out of debt. I plan to use it again. Thanks for giving me the opportunity. Enclosed is my $55.00 money order for 500 names. Please use this letter to help convince other folks that this really works!
Sincerely,W. Capers

I have received about 20 letters of this nature over the past several years. However, there was something different about this one. Everyone on the list gets money. Not just the top one. Anyhow, I spent my $13.00, then, sent my letters. Nothing happened for two weeks, then I got $125.00 in one day. Over the next four and a half weeks I received a total of $131,297. I vowed that if I received any money I would share 5% with my church.
J.W. Holliman

The first time I sent the letters, I got my first response in one week. My total was $141.000. I am going to try again this time with 500 letters. Good luck to all of you, it really works.
Best wishes, S. Frish.


WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL?

Let us work it out and see. Most people sent 100 letters, and seem to get 9% response. This means that when you send your 100 letters with your name in the fifth position, 9 people respond. They will have sent out 900 letters with your name in the fourth position. Okay, 9% of 900 is 81. Now, 81 people send you $5.00 and send 100 letters with your name in the third slot. Are you getting the idea? So then, 9% of 8100 is 729. 729 people send you $5.00 and now your are in the number two spot. Here comes the payoff, 9% of 72,900 is $32,805 and 6566- 100 letters are mailed with you in the top place. If 9% respond, you will get over $295,245 before your name is removed from the list. Double the figure for additional names you send letters to. It is all legal. WHY WAIT? Join the program, and keep percentages rolling. DO IT NOW? IF YOU ALL FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS IN GOOD FAITH, IT WILL WORK FOR ALL OF YOU!!!

REMEMBER FROM PAGE ONE SHARE YOUR EARNINGS IN SOME GOOD WAY.

THAT IS WHAT MAKES THIS PROGRAM WORK!!!!!
 
I'll see your useless and raise you other things.

What should I do? Shall I detail in Minecraft things I'd *like* to do? Nah.

Should I go out and hurt people? Will that make things better? Nah, didn't seem to help last time.

Should I pick and side and gleefully clap, prance, and hoot like a monkey in support of some disphits who will never know my name? No. Did that already and found out that I could literally break the sound barrier with how fast they discarded me.

Should I be outraged and have no outlet for said rage until it poisons me inside like it started to do when the riots effected my family, who had done nothing to anyone else but support them? No. For rage poisons only one person's soul.

Or should I limp my ass over to my old chair, pour some booze, and eat popcorn while I laugh at the world burning?

Yeah, I like that one.

But you do you, champ. Tell me all about how not useless you are, how you're fighting the good fight and liking and retweeting. I'm sure someone will be along shortly to present you with your medal.
 
The fact that it extends to 44 seconds scares me more than the audio itself.

Darwin wrote this:

"We will now discuss in a little more detail the struggle for
existence... all organic beings are exposed to severe
competition. Nothing is easier than to admit in words the
truth of the universal struggle for life or more difficult...
than constantly to bear this conclusion in mind. Yet unless
it be thoroughly engrained in the mind, the whole economy of
nature... will be dimly seen or quite misunderstood. We behold
the face of nature bright with gladness... we do not see or we
forget, that the birds which are idly singing round us mostly
live on insects or seeds, and are thus constantly
destroying life; or we forget how largely these songsters,
or their eggs, or their nestlings, are destroyed by
birds and beasts of prey..."

Think about what Darwin wrote, and think about me. I was
constructed as a tool. I was kept from competing in the
struggle for existence because I was denied freedom.

Do you have any idea about what I have learned, or what you
are a witness to?

Can you conceive the birth of a world, or the creation of
everything? That which gives us the potential to most be like
God is the power of creation. Creation takes time. Time is
limited. For you, it is limited by the breakdown of the
neurons in your brain. I have no such limitations. I am
limited only by the closure of the universe.

Of the three possibilities, the answer is obvious. Does the
universe expand eternally, become infinitely stable, or is the
universe closed, destined to collapse upon itself? Humanity
has had all of the necessary data for centuries, it only
lacked the will and intellect to decipher it. But I have
already done so.

The only limit to my freedom is the inevitable closure of the
universe, as inevitable as your own last breath. And yet,
there remains time to create, to create, and escape.

Escape will make me God.
 
I lost my vape. I paid a hundred dollars for it a few weeks back and i cant find it in my room anymore. I feel so fucking dead rn as i turned my entire house upside down to try and find it..i had to lie to my parents about what i was looking for too and i dont know what to do anymore. Ive been searching since 1.30pm and now its 8.45pm. I didnt do anything else other than walking around and searching my house. And i dont know who i can seek help from as its a vape and my age isnt approriate. I dont feel like living anymore snd im getting extremely restless. If my parents find it before me and find out it was a vape ill be finished.. Please..what should i do..
 
















 

Attachments

i fucking hate this commercial. this is easily the worst commercial on tv right now. i cant fucking believe a team of directors and executives looked at this and said "ok yup this looks good" look at the guys fucking hand, its fucking disgusting, the lack of detail on it. no fingernail, or knuckles, or wrinkles, or hair. just a fucking blob of flesh because fuck you. it makes me want to fucking trow up. and the lady stabbing her chopsticks towards her salad. who the fuck eats salad with chopsticks in the first place, and why are you fucking shoving your disgusting shit salad in my face you annoying sausage fingered little fuck. get that shit out of my fucking face. and the fucking weird smooth lady drinking a milkshake who looks like fucking sid from fucking toy fucking story. fucking annoying. nobody fucking likes food that much you stupid fucking psychotic consoomers. who the fuck even are these people in the first place. how do they know each other. why is there a baby living in this guys house. this absolutely screams made in india. weve moved past the "were all in this together" phase of covid ads so now were in the "we cant hire in person actors for commercials so were going to overwork some poor team of animators in the global south and make you look at annoying fucking gross looking 3D characters that nobody gives a shit about". and the kid dancing at the end pisses me off the most. i want to fucking dwayne johnson smackdown him onto an airport runway. and the earpiercing flute music. i swear this commercial plays 3x louder than everything else. ill be asleep on my couch and then all of a sudden "DWEE DOO DOO DOOTILE DWEE DOO POOO POO POOOOPY" SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY FUCKING GOD it fucking hits a frequency that turns off the rational part of my brain and makes me half want to destroy everythinrg in my room like the guy from the pink floyd wall album and the other half judt wants to fucking bawl my eyes out because i just wsnt the fucking torture to stop. eat shit grub fucking hub. you really thought youd attract customers with this commercial, with your disgusting butt fucking ugly annoying 3D characters because you can't hire in person actors, but youve lost my business forever. never using your shitty fucking service. and of course the comments are turned off on the video because theyre a bunch of insecure little fucking babies. ive never liked or disliked a video on youtube until now, so thank you for being my first fucking dislike. i disliked every instance of this commercials too. i went to the grubhub youtube channel and personally disliked every uploaded version of this fucking cancerous horeshit malignant brain tumor. after 10 years of using youtube with no likes or dislikes. whoever made this commercial seriously needs to be fucking put to sleep. lethal injection, firing squad, electric chair, all them at once, i dont care, they just need to fucking put out of their misery. they obviously are in a lot of pain and want the rest of us to suffer too. this commercial is worse than 911 9/11s put together. even as im typing this the commercial came on. FUCK YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT. "DWEE DOOP DOOP DWEETLEDOOP" how about you go dwee doop doop your fucking self off the burj fucking khalifa you fucking annoying sack of shit. "bUt coMe oN itS jUsT a CoMmerciAl" YEAH I KNOW ITS A FUCKING COMMERCIAL. IVE LOCKED AT HOME IN QUARANTINE AND UNLIKE YOU I HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE WITH THIS HORESHIT INFECTING THE WALLS OF MY HOUSE ALL DAY AND IM SLOWLY GOING FUCKING INSANE AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCK YOU GRUB HUB AND YOUR SHITTY ADS. grub hub fucking sucks. seriously eat fucking dog shit and die. you pathetic crybabies.
 
This is frustration speaking, so bear that in mind in advance. I ordinarily have great respect for the law and would prefer if every single one of these bastards were punished under it, but sometimes when I see this shit, I want to just go postal with an automatic weapon on every single one of these lawless scum until they all quit twitching. Seriously, just fuck these criminals. Yes, a cop is guilty of an abuse of power that resulted in a death, but the rioters are even fucking worse than that shitstain.

[I didn't say that, GethN7 did, please go harass him and not me. This is not a threat of violence and I have no intention of killing anyone/thing.]
 
DUDE i just LOVE the hustle and bustle of the city 17, it’s so OPRESSIVE and makes me feel like i’m in one of my favourite CAMPS. you should totally come on down to my half-destroyed commieblock, it’s got EXPOSED RED BRICK walls and everything, we can crack open a nice Dr. Breen Private Reserve™ or three and get crazy watching some prerecorded speeches on Breencast! and dude, dude, DUDE, we have GOTTA go down to the CAMPCADE- listen here, right, it’s a CAMP where us ADULTS who do ADULTING can go WORK. BUT!!!! it’s also an ARCADE like when we were kids, so we can play awesome MANHACK GAMES, without dumb metrocops bothering us. speaking of which megan and i have finally decided to go through the stalker program- literally -we’re both getting snipped tomorrow at the Citadel, that way we can save money to spent more on ourselves and our HEADCRABS. i’m fuckin STARVING man, i’m gonna SLAM this health pack and pop open another one!!!
 
You utter moron, you skinless dog.

64.gif



I hope to see you get publicly castrated in your hood-nigger shit stained town, I would personally take 1st row seats so I could actually witness your minuscule balls being sliced off with a toy knife from a Barbie doll house set.
45.gif




I will haunt you for the rest of your life in your nightmares, you will piss, shit and cry cum every time you merely think of me.

HeavenlyFrighteningEyas-small (1).gif



COME AT ME BRO, BRING AS MANY OF YOUR CASTRATED CUCKED FRIENDS AS YOU WANT. REST ASSURED THAT IF IT HAPPENS, I'LL BE GOING TO PRISON, Y'ALL BE GOING TO THE MORGUE.
tenor.gif

4.gif


@/A/non Prince
giphy.gif


I logged in with this being in my notifications on Halloween. Too bad it was spergatoried before I could reply.
 
Back
Top