Lin Kuei Assassin
My brother participated in this folly. I do so only to face his killer!
Registered Member
Fucking lazy trashmen are supposed to be here when i go to work so that when I get home the fucking cans are empty and I can throw some fucking trash away. Nope! When I get home the fucking cans are still fucking full. So I have to call the lazy fucking trash company and pretend to be a nice guy and politely inquire as to the reason their hard working rocket surgeons decided to start the weekend by fucking me over.
Stupid bitch on the phone has no fucking clue how badly I want to waddle my fatass into their office and spit slimy chunks of rage into their faces as I dress down every fucking clown in that asylum. My whole fucking yard smells like shit you lunatics. If I wanted to live in a dump I'd still be in New York City. "yes sir. we're just having some difficulties but someone will be out to pick up the trash today." I'd love to respond "there better be you little bitch otherwise I'm gonna drive one of your garbage trucks through your fucking office on the way back to my street to do your fucking job!" but a simple "okay" will have to do.
So around 6pm the trashmen show up and wouldn't you know! the lazy asses dumped all the fucking bins into the same fucking truck. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SORTING THE FUCKING TRASH? Of course I'd love to say this to their faces but they'd probably just kick my ass. So the yard waste bin is finally empty and I decide to fill it back up.
I just paid landscapers a fucking grand to trim all the shit around my house. My wife and kids sobbed like banshees as every fucking plant was trimmed. "what about the squirrels and birds WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Babe, boys, the only thing I love more than you chubby idiots is having the H.O.A. out of my ass for 5 fucking minutes. Those damn birds are just gonna have to go live in the McDonalds parking lot and eat squished french fries.
So the landscapers cleaned up some but one of them was limping really bad which made me not want give them too much shit about cleaning. On the other hand I am paying them a fucking grand and I couldn't help but notice one of them hopped out of a brand new Ford dualie. I'm driving a sonata with the paint peeling off but what the fuck ever; at least I own that piece of shit.
So I'm cleaning up around a stump and what the fuck was that thing with black pincers for a face! My wife and I agree it's probably just a beetle but it we have a neighbor who works in pest control so I waddle down the street and knock on his door while trying to remember his name. "it's Mark" "right. Mark. sorry. So I have a, uh, some bugs in my yard. I was wondering if you would check them out? I'll pay you. . .for your time. uh, what do you normally charge?" Mark is so excited to come home with me he doesn't say a thing. He just leaves the door open while digging around in his closet for a something that turns out to be flashlight. "it's this one" I say desperately trying to sound like something other than a fatass moron who is out of breath just from walking up and down the street. As I lead Mark up my driveway I realize how stupid it was to tell him this is my house. Am I going to take him to another nieghbors house to show him some fucking bugs?
As was we examine the stump my wife appears. "hi Mark." I'm so secure in my manliness I definitely don't wonder how the hell she knows Mark's name and I don't. I reassure myself she's much too fat for Mark while hoping Mark is a fucking fag. I didn't hear no woman behind his door. Besides, the pesticides have probably given him ED. "termites" "really? . . . . damn" While Mark was examining the stump with his flashlight I noticed he wasn't wearing shoes. I was wearing crocs but not anymore. Look babe, I'm barefoot in a yard full of termites just like Mark. "so is there uh, some stuff you can spray on 'em?" "i'll swing by monday. it's gonna cost about 1500" "oh sure. no problem. thanks man." FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. . . . . .just when I thought i was done eating ramen noodles and peanut butter for every meal. Anyway I sure hope my house isn't a gaint pile of termite shit by Monday.
Stupid bitch on the phone has no fucking clue how badly I want to waddle my fatass into their office and spit slimy chunks of rage into their faces as I dress down every fucking clown in that asylum. My whole fucking yard smells like shit you lunatics. If I wanted to live in a dump I'd still be in New York City. "yes sir. we're just having some difficulties but someone will be out to pick up the trash today." I'd love to respond "there better be you little bitch otherwise I'm gonna drive one of your garbage trucks through your fucking office on the way back to my street to do your fucking job!" but a simple "okay" will have to do.
So around 6pm the trashmen show up and wouldn't you know! the lazy asses dumped all the fucking bins into the same fucking truck. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE SORTING THE FUCKING TRASH? Of course I'd love to say this to their faces but they'd probably just kick my ass. So the yard waste bin is finally empty and I decide to fill it back up.
I just paid landscapers a fucking grand to trim all the shit around my house. My wife and kids sobbed like banshees as every fucking plant was trimmed. "what about the squirrels and birds WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Babe, boys, the only thing I love more than you chubby idiots is having the H.O.A. out of my ass for 5 fucking minutes. Those damn birds are just gonna have to go live in the McDonalds parking lot and eat squished french fries.
So the landscapers cleaned up some but one of them was limping really bad which made me not want give them too much shit about cleaning. On the other hand I am paying them a fucking grand and I couldn't help but notice one of them hopped out of a brand new Ford dualie. I'm driving a sonata with the paint peeling off but what the fuck ever; at least I own that piece of shit.
So I'm cleaning up around a stump and what the fuck was that thing with black pincers for a face! My wife and I agree it's probably just a beetle but it we have a neighbor who works in pest control so I waddle down the street and knock on his door while trying to remember his name. "it's Mark" "right. Mark. sorry. So I have a, uh, some bugs in my yard. I was wondering if you would check them out? I'll pay you. . .for your time. uh, what do you normally charge?" Mark is so excited to come home with me he doesn't say a thing. He just leaves the door open while digging around in his closet for a something that turns out to be flashlight. "it's this one" I say desperately trying to sound like something other than a fatass moron who is out of breath just from walking up and down the street. As I lead Mark up my driveway I realize how stupid it was to tell him this is my house. Am I going to take him to another nieghbors house to show him some fucking bugs?
As was we examine the stump my wife appears. "hi Mark." I'm so secure in my manliness I definitely don't wonder how the hell she knows Mark's name and I don't. I reassure myself she's much too fat for Mark while hoping Mark is a fucking fag. I didn't hear no woman behind his door. Besides, the pesticides have probably given him ED. "termites" "really? . . . . damn" While Mark was examining the stump with his flashlight I noticed he wasn't wearing shoes. I was wearing crocs but not anymore. Look babe, I'm barefoot in a yard full of termites just like Mark. "so is there uh, some stuff you can spray on 'em?" "i'll swing by monday. it's gonna cost about 1500" "oh sure. no problem. thanks man." FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. . . . . .just when I thought i was done eating ramen noodles and peanut butter for every meal. Anyway I sure hope my house isn't a gaint pile of termite shit by Monday.
